The last few days were so busy I have not taken the time to tell you how our sweetie Lena is doing. I did not get to see her much for two days because of my trip. I had to write about something funny yesterday because it was a reprieve from my grief.
We went to the orphanage and at first I didn't want Lena to know my brother had died because I know she has had enough sadness, and I want our visits to be happy. She knew my brother had gotten sick unexpectedly, but I hadn't shared with her how serious it was, and that was all she knew.
I under estimated her sensitivity and compassion. I had planned to tell her after we got home when I deemed the time was right. She obviously can already read my emotions, even though I thought I was covering well under the circumstances. I kept my sunglasses on, kept smiling, but she asked Sveta what was wrong, and Sveta in her wisdom, told her. I probably wasn't as good an actress as I thought, but she also is a very sensitive girl and picks up on others feelings quickly.
She came over and put her arm around my shoulder, and she teared up for me and an uncle she will never know. "Oh Mama, Oh Mama" and then she just held me with both arms wrapped as tight as she could around me, rocking me and kept rubbing my back. I let her comfort me even though that is not what I had wanted to happen because I wanted to protect her. In the end it was so right that she was told because even though we are here to take care of her, now that she is our daughter, she is a part of the family, and that includes the good and the bad. I was leaning on the only family member who could hug and comfort me in that moment, our daughter Lena. I was so glad I didn't have to pretend. A bonding moment that I almost denied both of us.