What Goes Around Comes Around

My mom used to use this title all the time and I thought I understood the meaning but I really didn't until now. There have been times when we felt, God, Mark and I were the only ones in the battle, even times when we saw that some of our children were being taken by the enemy-willingly.

We have watched as our kids come around for us time and again. Sometimes in the heat of the battle, both physical and spirtual, we are so busy slaying the dragons that we don't realize some of our children have actually come up beside us, or they have our back and we find that suddenly we have been refortified and strenghtened from within our own ranks. Is there anything in the world more satisfying than looking over, or turning around and seeing that your comrade in arms is your very own child?

This has happened with our bio children many times especially while we were gone, but we have had them since birth teaching and loving them. At times they have been dragged away and at other times they have joined our battle. Now it is our adopted children who are pulling in beside us and they are even smiling, giving us a nod, and then pressing forward to meet the on-coming challenge.

Alesa came up beside us these past few weeks, quietly without any fanfare, and in one fell swoop helped to keep Lena behind our shields. Lena will get her own shield someday but right now she is out there vulnerable and it is our job to keep her protected. Alesa now instinctively knows this and has her shield over her sister.

Alesa took Lena and did with her exactly what we have been doing with Alesa the past two years. She patiently over a period of days talked in length to her about being part of a family and what that means. She explained that she too had some of the same problems that Lena is experiencing. She and Lena are sharing a room and it has turned out to be a blessing. Alesa managed to say words that have made a difference in a short period of time, things that would have taken us much longer to get across. There were times when we wondered if we were getting through to Alesa and now we have our answer.

Julia is still learning and she is seeing that some days she needs to allow Lena some leeway. They are both learning together and Julia is precious, she is our everyday translator and has realized that Lena is dependent on her for her understanding of what is being said. Each one of our daughters is growing and we couldn't be prouder of them. To think that at one time we almost stopped at one adoption...

Lena is doing very well all things considered. She is smiling more and while not as close to us as she was in Ukraine that is OK because she is still finding out where she fits in to this large family. We encourage her at every turn, she still is reserved but warming up more every day. Her meaness seems to have abated, but we laid down the law on that one, it is called zero tolerance. She seems to respond well to correction. I asked Mark what he thought about how it was all going. He smiled at me and said I will let you know in 6 months or so because he knows it will be an up and down, on again off again situation and we have seen it before.

We made the decision because of academic and other reasons to keep her in the 8th grade. We explained why and she was fine with it. I teach at the same middle school and she can have me there for support. We have a fabulous ESL teacher and we wanted Lena to have her. She and Julia, the two that were experiencing the most issues would be in the same ESL class together where Julia would get to be her mentor/translator and Lena would be forced to be kinder if she wanted help with language. It has worked great and what we prayed for is happening. It isn't perfect and there are moments where she goes to her room and wants to be left alone because of something that was or wasn't said. She is very helpful as are the other kids. She had a great week at school and Julia says she isn't shy and already had two girls ask her to go to the movies. We appreciated their thoughtfulness but we had a family activity planned, and to be honest I would not have let her go anyway right now. We are very big on family bonding first when these kids arrive and not hanging with peers. They have had plenty of friends and now what they need most is us!

Life moves forward and we are in the ebb and flow and right now we are in calm waters. Tomorrow that could all change but we will take the sunny weather while it's here.

Transistion

They are all different and each child comes with their own personality and character. Transition is easier for some than others. Mom and Dad must pray for patience; we have seen with time that we end up with a happy well adjusted child. But durn if it isn't work getting there!!

I look at our handsome, funny, sweet, smart, athletic, Russian son who is bopping around the kitchen heating up his mushrooms, and cracking jokes with his siblings, at ease with himself and with life. Other adults comment all the time about how personable and coversant he is with them.

Is he the same sullen boy we brought home 4 years ago? The one who grunted at me because he didn't want to call me anything, and now puts me on a pedestal. When he was introduced he would not make eye contact and would often roll his eyes. If anyone came for a visit he wanted to hide out in his room. Zhenya was a very quiet, seemingly unhappy, young man. We had visits with his teachers where we had to address attitude.

We didn't have this particular experience with the two girls. Not that there weren't plenty of moments with them, they just weren't the "Zhenya" moments.

We weren't really expecting this with Lena, it has come as a surprise, but she is exhibiting many of the same behaviors that Zhenya diaplayed. This is a little harder this time because this is not the child we met and spent time with at the orphanage. She has become sullen and will not participate with anything the kids are trying to get her to engage in. As affectionate as she was with us, is as distant as she is now. Her attitude is disdainful at best, and nothing seems to make her happy. She has been extremely mean to Julia and we have had to have some gentle, but serious discussion about this one. Julia was trying to pick a new hairstyle and when she pulled it up on the computer it was obvious to everyone that Lena was saying unkind things to Julia and snickering. Lena would then look at Alesa in hopes that she too would join in the mean behavior. Alesa used to have a mean streak as well, but today I was so proud of her we have spent long hours eradicating that behavior and she didn't respond. Being mean to each other, especially if they are younger, is standard orphanage behavior. Alesa and Julia have grown close, and I am hoping in the future that Lena too, will join in this relationship.

Today we went to get our hair done for school. The girls have been looking at pictures of hair styles for a week. We are very conservative; we don't allow any makeup except for a little mascara at 15 and clear lip gloss. We don't allow bra straps, bellies and other body parts to hang out. Today I allowed something I have never allowed with any of our children, I let Lena get a few natural highlights in her hair, because of her diet her hair has a dullness to it, while the other two girls have very shiny tresses. I thought maybe it would be special since she really wanted some and I haven't allowed the others to do it. I explained why to Alesa and Julia and they agreed and understood.

As soon as we came out, we all told her how pretty she looked, she turned around and said something, unprovoked, in a hateful tone to Julia.

I really have to pray about this because even though we have been through this before it is still difficult. This week I found a piano for her that we plan on giving to her for her birthday. Being human I naturally at this point do not want to give her anything else. We need God's love for her and us because I just want to be mad at her for hurting Julia, who by the way does not have a mean bone in her body.

Please don't judge her. I just need to be honest on here that it is not all a story book tale. I have seen the results and we don't give up, but we do get discouraged and tired. I want this to be an honest story of adoption. Today I wanted to say, "and we spent almost all summer in Ukraine for this"and more, of course I didn't, but folks I said it in my mind.

One needs to see all facets and this is the other side we are on right now. We have 3 wonderful teens that have crossed the bridge to our love and have learned to give it right back. Now we are building a bridge for Lena to come over. Those who labor for the Lord do not labor in vain! We have living testimony to God's faithfulness with our other 3 treasures.

Praise God!

Today I have to share my favorite bible verse Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

I just get chills when I see how God works out every little detail in our lives. Sometimes we wonder when things will happen or why they happen. I don't always understand all the details of my life that God has planned. What I do know is that if I am in his will, I have peace in the security that my father loves me and is doing what is best for me his daughter.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that Lena as well as our other children have been planned for us since the beginning of time. Several times we thought God had other children picked for us, only to be disappointed when that didn't work out. We didn't always understand why, but now we do because what he has given us has been beyond anything we could have imagined. I just want to thank God for all our children. It is so amazing to think about this and I want to sing, dance and shout out how perfect that plan has been for us.

Lena was sitting the other night in front of the computer and it was a dark room with only the light from the computer emanating a glow in the room. I was sitting on the couch unobserved, delighting in my girls singing a song together. Lena was in the seat with our girls gathered behind her, along with some friends who have also been adopted from Ukraine. I could only see her profile captured in the light as she so joyously sang a Ukrainian song they had found.

I found myself remembering me sitting at the very same computer the first time I ever opened her picture and saw her sweet face glowing at me from inside that same screen. I remember how many times I sat in front of the computer with disappointment over news that we needed yet another piece of paperwork, or another renewal on what had already been sent. Wondering if time would ever pass fast enough to be able to go get her, or even at times if it indeed would ever happen. Not just with her, but with all of them.

I was overwhelmed at all that had come to pass in the last year. Here she was, the girl whose picture we had prayed over sitting in that very same chair in front of the very same computer on this side of the screen, in full 3-D, singing her her heart out, all ours, and I just wanted to drop to my knees and shout his praises. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself to make sure it is all real.

Lena is fitting in beautifully and seems happier each day. We had only one day of tears and that was only for moments because of communication. She told Alesa yesterday that she is so happy and that even helping out makes her happy. Wow, from a teenager, those words are a gift to a parents ears. I love it she seems so content to be doing whatever we are doing.

Praise God from whom all blessing fall!!

Adjustment Time Begins

Can you relate to suddenly being thrust into a brand new world? I know that many of us can because we have experienced it. We also know at the end of the day we will be going home to all we are comfortable with and love. Can you imagine knowing that all that was familiar will never be again.

My heart always feels for my orphan babies, who are now no longer orphaned and have people who deeply love them, but sometimes that anchor is hard for them to grasp in the middle of all the transiton. Parents have a tendency to think we rescued them, we are giving them such a better life, why the sadness?

The routine, the sounds, the smells, the food inadequate or not, in many cases the very loving care givers and teachers who have had them for years, and they deeply grieve for these things. It does not mean they really want to go back and it doesn't mean they aren't thrilled to have a family, it just means they need to work through all that has happened in a very short period of time.

We spent a year or more planning for them and sometimes dreaming over their pictures. They too, have hoped for a mom and dad to arrive and take them away, but still when a dream becomes a reality, in their case sometimes overnight, it takes until the smoke settles and they are home for them to think about all that has happened.

We know about this now we are experienced in it we have seen the unbidden tears come, we have seen the eye rolling when we speak, that at first we saw as rudeness, and now realize is frustration. We know the need for them to quietly slip off to their room. We have seen the pouting over the smallest of things. They have all had varying degrees of this and we know that this too shall pass, just as our heavenly Father knows this about us through the course of our lives when frustration sets in. Like our Father we see the big picture for them and we know with time and love it will be a mosaic where the pieces will fit beautifully to make a lovely illustration of the love and hope a family provides.

Our beautiful Lena is doing well, very well, and she is very happy it is obvious. Yes, she has had a few of the moments mentioned above. They may only be minimal or they may intensify we don't know yet. Yesterday was hard for her, she teared up at one point when someone was trying to get her to understand them and she couldn't. Even our children who speak Russian are struggling to regain the use of their language which has gotten rusty. She is very social and I think it is hard for her because she already so much wants to play a part, and everyone works hard to include her in the conversation, but I can tell this is not enough for her. She already loves our family very much and is frustrated over lack of communication. It will happen we all know this, but for me sometimes it is painful to have to allow it to take its course. I look ahead to when she too will be chatting up a storm and teasing and laughing over the conversation. Oh how I wish I could give her a glimpse into the future about 6 months from now.

More Pictures

I promise to only deluge you with pictures this week and then it will stop. I am tired I can't seem to get back on track so I am doing little piddling things while my room is still strewn with suitcases and messes. So here I am sitting in front of the computer in a daze.

The siblings have been slowly trickling in to meet Lena. In my dreams the ones who couldn't make it to the airport will all come running up the walk way and they will do this wonderful little bonding dance with Lena. Well, in my really perfect world they would have all been here at once exclaiming over Lena and how they just couldn't wait to meet their new sister. They would tell her how they have been anxiously awaiting her arrival, and there would be these hearts floating over everyones heads that you see in the cartoon pictures with music playing in the background.

OK, now let's have a reality check. Our Russian son Zhenya came home from work, walks in the kitchen, and of course we are so excited for him and Lena to meet. Zhenya to Lena, "hey how are ya"? Me, "Zhenya how about speaking Russian and a hug." Zhenya, "Oh yeah" and then he gives her a half a hug and whips out his rapidly deteriorating Russian of about 4 words.

Kyle comes in next from college, gives her a big smile, a hug and then on to another topic about drama at school.

Kenna came last night and slowly makes her way up the walkway ( wanted to yell, run Kenna, run) stopping to pat the dogs as she winds her way up the porch. Lena and I run to her instead and there are big hugs all around. Then back to petting the dogs.

Brett our 24 year old was at the airport and he has always accepted that Mom and Dad have a calling to save older children. He seems to bond well right from the beginning and makes them feel special. He is a big tease and as soon as Lena learns the language she will adore him as the other kids do.

It is not that the other kids don't care it is just that we have been here before. When Zhenya came first they were all younger, more excited, and curious about a new sibling from another country. With each subsequent adoption it becomes more matter of fact, just a part of life in our house and they accept it. Mark and I however view each adoption like it is the first and each is special. We all have our way of welcoming a new child, for Mark and I, it is break out the fanfare. For them it is, OK so you are part of the family, we move on and treat you like you have been here forever and your arrival no big thing. Both ways of welcoming speak volumes, on one hand, we (mom and dad), adore you and on the other, we (siblings), accept you as one of us, but you are still going to have to work your way in. In most cases the work your way in part takes awhile. We can wait we know it happens!

Here are pictures of the latest introductions.

Pictures

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If you scroll down to the bottom of my blog I have some very good pictures of the three girls. I didn't mean for them to come out this big but as said I am not very techie and I am just glad I figured out how to get this far. I hope to go back in and edit later and make them smaller. I am not sure why they came out so big but I have no more time to play with this today. Yes, I have other children but getting pictures of them is not as easy so hope to have some of them up later.

The girls have rolled and straightened and dressed Lena up like she is a new toy doll. I think they are really having a good time with all of this "girl stuff". Second day and all is well.

HOME SWEET HOME!!

My own bed with the sheets that smell like fabric softner and burrowing down under my comforter. Ah, such a small but most significant home coming treat. I guess you really don't want to hear about that, but unless you have slept on beds of various sizes and firmness, with sheets if you are lucky, that may or may not fit, then you really can't appreciate why I am so excited about my bed.

Lena and I had a very loooong trip home. We ran into various road blocks not the least of which was being delayed. We came via Moscow and I had forgotten how the Moscow airport is somewhat of a zoo, although I know that can be said for many airports. Lena was a real trooper and she passed traveling with flying colors. She is so friendly some man started chatting to her and she was all bubbly and was answering all his questions about her trip and adoption like she had known him for years.

The only problem, she was so excited she wouldn't go to sleep the whole flight. At one point she looked like a zombie with these red eyes and big black circles. I took a picture and imitated that if she didn't sleep everyone would run away in fright and we both had a good laugh. She didn't care she wasn't haven't any part of that sleeping business.

We shared my I-pod head phones I had one in my ear and she had the other in hers and we were listening to "The Twist", by Chubby Checker. Yes, I know it dates me, but to be fair that was before my music era although I have always loved that song and it gets me moving when I exercise. So we started pretending we were our own music group, she was on the piano and I was playing guitar and we were twisting in our seats. After 10 hours in the air at this point we needed a diversion. It actually turned out to be quite entertaining and we even had the flight attendants smiling at us. Lena is great fun and has a wonderful sense of humor. In our family she will need it, especially with 4 older brothers.

She was awed, as even I was, by the views out the plane's window. The sky was bright blue and the clouds were big white puffs and it felt like we were floating on them. It was one of those surreal moments because "When Love Takes You In", by Steven Curtis Chapman was playing on the head phones. She turned with tears in her eyes and showed me that she had chill bumps on her arms. We smiled at each other, some things need no words.

We finally arrived in Austin, and no kidding, I had to chase behind her to keep up. She wanted to meet her new family and wasn't delaying a second. We came around the corner and her Dad was standing in front holding a sign that the girls had made that read, "Welcome to the Family Lena" she screamed "Papa" and raced to him and threw herself into his arms. The girls were standing with flowers for both her and I and of course big hugs and kisses all around. The girls were a little shy about hugging at first but Lena took the initiative. Some of her siblings were not there, one had finals at college, another couldn't get off work or else he wouldn't get paid, and nothing, but nothing interfers with his pay check, this is our Russian son and we always kid him about what a tight wad he can be. Our oldest daughter had to work as well. They had all made plans to be off on Friday when we were originally supposed to be home but couldn't rearrange schedules when we were delayed. Our very dear friends were there to welcome her home as well. We are really excited because today is Zhenya's 18th birthday and everyone is coming home to celebrate and meet Lena.

It worked out fine because the girls were the only ones home yesterday and since they really will be the ones at home most of the time anyway they had a chance to get to know each other.

It is early but I think this is going to be a great mesh and what a blessing to see how they were getting along. Julia came up to me and said several times, Mom I just love Lena" Alesa is much more reserved, but I noticed she had given Lena some of her clothes to wear and last night I heard them all in there giggling and talking. I was worried about trying to give everyone attention especially since I hadn't seen the other kids for awhile. It worked out fine for the first go, we shall see, I hope it continues.

Well, my mom badge is back on which means I need to make a trip to SAMS as Zhenya is having 20 friends for his birthday tonight plus all the family. I will post pictures tomorrow.

The Last and the First Moments

The last days in Stackhanov were happy and sad. The day we picked Lena up from the orphanage was a rainy and gloomy day. Almost as if the weather were echoing the scene that was about to be played out.

At first she was very excited and it really had not sunk in that she would be saying good-bye to her friends, in most cases, forever. They were all gathered around and the look on their faces is one that will be forever etched in my memory. I captured it all on film but I honestly don't think I will ever be able to look at it again. While she went in to say good-bye to her teacher the kids outside were huddled up under the overhang on the building waiting for her. Their faces matched the weather, such utter gloom and hopelessness.

She came out and they all gathered around her taking turns hugging and crying. Two of the girls looked as though their hearts were breaking and I found out they had all been together since the age of 6. My heart was like a mirror, shattered in a million pieces and it reflected back to me a myriad of emotions these kids were feeling. I had grown very close to some of them, and felt for all of them over the weeks I had spent there. I also realized they are hoping right up to the end that we might decide to take one of them too. If only we could...

I was crying as much as they were and in the background my sweet Nastya waited until last to give me a hug good-bye, and I knew that she would be the hardest. She clung to me and I really hadn't hugged her before and as she sobbed into my neck I realized how tiny and fragile she felt, like a strong wind could blow her away. I wanted to scream at the injustice of it all, I could just take her, she is a throw away child, who would care, but I can't, so I take my darling Lena gather her up and know that we have saved one child from this life.

We then proceeded to go through the process of securing her passport and don't even get me started on the inefficiency of this system. Trust me, I adore the Ukrainian people but their paperwork system defies all reason. At one point we were in a room and they had stacks of paper to the ceiling this was their filing system. Everything you do is a wait and a long one.

After we spent the whole day doing this we went to eat. Lena was so awed by everything. The restaurant had a fish tank and she had never seen one it was so much fun watching her amazement. She ordered a chicken cutlet and I had to cut it for her because she had never used a knife so we had our first lesson. She didn't know how to unscrew the lid of her juice she had never done it before. Every so often she would stop eating and start hugging me.

I guess I don't even need to to go into how thrilled she was with the plane ride to Kiev and again she would hug me look up at me and say "Mama" with such adoring eyes I think, what did I really do to deserve this I am the one who is so blessed.

As many of you know check out through the embassy is an all day ordeal especially if you are adoptiong an older child because of the fingerprints and we had a hard time with Lena because she is missing the tips of a couple of her fingers. We had hoped to leave on Friday but they told us her fingerprints wouldn't be back in time. Mark could only get us a flight out on Monday because they were all full over the weekend. After he changed our flights we got her fngerprints and could have left on Friday after all.

While we were at the Embassy we met two other families checking out. One was a Dad with two sisters who were 14 and 15 that they were adopting, he also had brought with him a daughter they adopted two years ago who is now 16. He, like us, raved about adopting older children and what a blessing it has been. Our Lena is so friendly she went right up to these girls sat down beside them and started talking. She has so much self confidence and she is always smiling. We also met a very nice lady who was adopting the most beautiful DS little girl. She was learning the chicken dance and signing from her mom. What an incredible pair you could already see the bonding taking place and we so enjoyed our time with them. She knew Lena from her picture on Reeces Rainbow and said she had hoped she would find a family. I remembered her little girls picture and was so thrilled to meet her in person. Adoption is such a small world.

Lena and I are now in Kiev and will leave tomorrow. We have had such special bonding time. At first I get disappointed when things don't according to plan but honestly it always turns into a blessing I just have to remember to trust the Lord he always knows best.

We have done some exploring around Kiev and we have stopped at some beautiful places and eaten ice cream just delighting in each others company. We have laughed alot she has the most infectious laugh. She is so spontaneous and appreciative and will just run up and hug me. We went shopping and I bought her a few things she has taken them out of the bag and just looked at them like she can't believe they belong to her. We have started on the English lessons in the afternoon and we play some games I brought.

Folks we are blessed and my heart is full to the top! We go home tomorrow and I can't wait to see my other precious children and begin the bonding process with them and Lena. They are all going to be at the airport to meet the newest Bobinger. We can't wait to leave.

See you in America!!