It Is Snowing!!

For some of you this may be an everyday thing, but for those of us who live in Texas especially the parts that never get snow, this is a big deal. It is a really big deal for our Ruskie and Ukie kids! It brings to mind another time, another life and memories I am sure.

I am home sick from work watching huge snowflakes descend on the landscape. It mesmerizes me as I see them coming down faster and faster. Each one so unique, although, unless you look at them under a mircoscope you can't really see the beauty of each flake individually, it is only when they are all one that you can truly appreciate the magnificent winter portrait that together they create.

This is what I tell my kids you are individually and wonderfully created, each one different from the rest, but it is only when you join together that you can truly do Gods work. Alone we are just that, unique individuals, but look at the tapestry that can be created if we work together.

We as a family are constantly working our tapestry. Sometimes we all weave together and sometimes the threads unravel and we have to redo. There are times when someone is making a beautiful pattern and others are weaving sloppily or not at all. The one thing that is clear it is always a work in the making. If we let God the master weaver guide our hands we will create something so much more significant than if we go it alone.

I will put some pictures on here later of our 4 youngest babies Zhenya, Alesa, Lena and Julia when they came home from school playing in the snow. They had so much fun! When they were done I had hot chocolate and a roaring fire waiting for them.

Kyle is doing better, they suspect mono, but they said it is not acting like mono so they want to run some more blood tests this week. Please keep praying for him.

In the past few months I have had several people ask me about the guarantees of success of adopting older children. I am going to share what we have learned take what you want and leave the rest.

First question would we do it again? Yes, yes, and yes! In fact we are wanting to do it again, and it hasn't all been easy but the rewards as in any endeavor worth doing has far outweighed the negatives.

What has worked for us? Let me share some thoughts with you.

If you are considering adopting an older child I would first examine yourself.

Are you adopting an older child because you want to save someone?

Are you adopting because you want to give to someone, but because they are older you naturally expect to receive gratitude in return.

Are you adopting hoping to receive a loving, smart, obedient, child or at the least to create a loving child?

Even if they aren't all those things are you hoping when you get them they will want to turn it around when they see how much you love them.

Do you build these children up in your mind beyond expectations that they can not meet?

Are you adopting because God has made your path very clear?

Are you adopting because you have so much love, time and patience to give or maybe you have only some and you want to share what you do have.

Do you ask yourself can we really do this and can we love an older child?

I ask these questions because they really are all OK to think, feel and wonder. We had some if not all of those thoughts, especially in our early adoptions. Let's be honest, unconditional love is hard. God can give it. I on the other hand do not have unconditional love. I try, but oh my, I fall so short!

Now let me give you our experiences and answers to what we have found.

Only God truly saves people through the blood of Jesus Christ. In this temporal home on earth what you will save these kids from is a possible/most likely life on the streets. You can give them the chance at a future they will probably never know in their home countries. You will give them a family they would never have had otherwise.

The giving part of adoption is so wonderful and fun. There is the joy of buying new clothes, or fixing up their room or buying the games they never had. There is the joy of just hugging and laughing on the couch. There is the contentment of creating mealtime together and teaching them about family. They are old enough to express gratitude and many times they do. Each child is different and not all express thanks in fact there are times when they seem to expect it. This becomes our job to teach them thankfulness. I have even thought, how can you be so ungrateful after all we have done? Then I have to think about how many times God could have thought that about me. Did I mention that through our adoptions I have learned so much about the goodness in my heart, but even more about the selfishness of my heart. Gratitude will be there just don't expect it to happen all the time. After all do we always show the Lord how grateful we are each day. Somedays I am just a spoiled child and I am too focused on my own needs to be as thankful as I should be.

Adopted children like biological children come with your perceived expectations and then reality comes right along behind them. I remember with each one of our biological children I would touch my rather large stomach and dream about what each baby would be like. I can assure you I never thought they would be learning challenged or just a pain in the patootee somedays, I never envisioned them back talking me. I mean I knew it could happen, but while I was dreaming about that particular child I had only good thoughts. When we saw the pictures of our first adopted children I just knew they were wonderful. In fact I even heard stories about how good, or smart or talented they were. The reality was they were some of these things, but they also brought the reality with them. They probably also had a reality check when they met us. They may have envisioned a beautiful, young, hip, talented mom who could run circles around, Leave it to Beavers mom and instead.. well just leave it at that :)

Love does wonders and I am not going to elaborate too much here. A family and love does not necessarily create change overnight it takes time. These children have been through a lot, give it time. I have wanted to give up a time or two trust me, but reach out to God, family, friends, a blog, it is OK to vent just make sure the people you vent to are not judgemental. I have not figured out why but believe it or not some people get satisfaction if they see you having trouble or failing. Find support with those who will understand.

Besides our bio children there is not one thing I have done in my life that has given me more joy and satisfaction than our adopted children. If you are being called do not hesistate you will grow, learn, love and yes be challenged, but it is all worth it and has truly been a blessing and a privilege.

I will give you what we consider some of our tried and true techniques that have worked for us most of the time. Each family is different this is just what works for us.

You will not bring home a 13/14 year old you will in actuality be bringing home about a 8-10 year old give or take a year or so. Some of the differences will be, how long they were with a family or in an orphanage. Their bodies wil tell you they are a teenager do not let that fool you. They are not the typical American teen and there are many good things about that fact.

We believe that the first thing that has to happen is that our kids have one job and that is learning to bond with us and the family. Therefore we do not encourage outside friendships at first. This usually takes care of itself because of the language barrier. As parents we naturally want them to find friends and have friendships. Think about it they have had plenty of peer influence at the orphanage and nothing but friends, they have not had a family, nor in most cases do they understand how a family functions or how to fit in to the family. We do not want friendships to become their source of bonding at this point. We had this issue with Lena, she came here completely focused on renewing ties with kids who lived near us who had been at her orphanage and as a result that was her only focus. We cut the ties off almost immediately when we saw what was happening. She then turned to school for friends and when that didn't work out she finally filled her need to bond with her family.

In the beginning we allow few if any spend the nights. We tried it and each time it turned out to be a bad decision. They come home distant and cranky so now it is a treat and only happens once in awhile.

We did not let them have cell phones upon arrival. It took Alesa over two years to get one and we finally got her one to keep up with her in sports . She has since lost the privilege of having it after only having it for 3 months. She can earn it back and hopefully will be more careful next time. Something about putting a cell phone in her hand just made her feel she was didn't quite have to listen to us. She is a wonderful girl and daughter but she is testing the waters a bit and that is OK because she is learning while she is at home where mom and dad are a support and safety net.

Facebook was not a good idea for ours, and they will never have one again. I didn't want them to have one to start with, but while we were gone to Ukraine to get Lena our oldest son set Alesa and Julia up with one. They were so excited and he was so proud of their bonding moment, that against my better judgement, I didn't have the heart to tell them to shut them down. Lets just say Julia made a video and sent it out into cyber space it was cute but nonetheless I didn't want that floating out there for who knows. Alesa misused hers by writing a letter to a boy who is three years older and her brothers friend, she had only met him once, she wrote this letter to him proclaiming her undying love forever and ever. A ten year old could have written the letter such was the social nuances of the content. I can not stress enough do not assume because they are teen agers that they understand how to function socially or can function socially until you have spent a lot of time teaching them.

Make-up is not allowed when they get here. The reason is because they want to glob it on. They can not wear any make-up until they are 15 and then only some mascara by that time they are grateful to wear anything and they are careful about not putting too much. It helps that they have older brothers who do not like a lot of make-up on girls and have no problem expressing their opinion.

We have found going with the less and stricter route especially in the beginning works better. Even to this day we find there are social skills that we expect older kids to have that some of ours still do not understand.

As I said everyone is different, every family is different, each child is unique and we are always learning. I pray everyday that God allows us the opportunity to bring Karina home to begin weaving her own pattern into the fabric of our family.

Growing Pains

I often think of how we cry when our children are hurting and then I think of all the children God loves and how he must weep with us when we our hearts are breaking.

This has been a rough couple of weeks and there has been a lot of pain and tears.

Kyle our 20 year old called and his friends at school had taken him to the emergency room where they had him on an IV and oxygen because he had this issue where his limbs lock up and his heart rate accelerates. This happened last summer and they told us it was because he had a high fever which caused him to start hyperventilating and it causes these muscle spasms. This time it happened again, but they can't figure out what is wrong. We went to get him from college and bring him home for a week to take him in to see a specialist. They are very concerned his white blood count is low and he has a deep chest cough along with headaches, fever and sore throat. He is tired all the time and has lost his appetite. He was sent to an onocologist for blood work, had a cat scan done on his liver and spleen and we are now waiting on the test results and hoping to hear something soon. He will see a neurologist next week. Please pray with us for our son to get well, and all of this to be just a passing infection. I am worried, but I know that I must put this in God's hands. Sometimes the internet is wonderful, but there are other times when it isn't. I went and looked up all the symptoms and what a low white blood count could mean and now I am more worried,but God tells us to cast all our worries on him and so I shall as I pray for healing for Kyle.

I am going to trust that God is in control and thank him that he loves us and will take care of us no matter what. Kyle is an amazing young man and much beloved by the whole family for his caring nature and sense of humor. He is our child who would sit outside and wait patiently still for an hour with birdseed in his outstretched hand hoping the birds would eventually land. Seeing him ill is just so hard especially with so many questions.

Lena came to my room last week and wanted to talk. She told me she is very lonely she has no friends at school and she eats lunch alone, she was crying and I just hugged her. I wanted to give her comfort, but I can't be the school friend she needs right now. Alesa has many friends and told her it will get better when she speaks more English, she knows this but it doesn't make it any less painful for the moment.

Alesa is going through some things right now that I truly believe God is using to bring her closer to him. She is learning who is important, who isn't and that disobedience comes at a great price. Amazingly enough she is the quietest and most helpful child and also the most passively agressive defiant one especially lately since she found her niche at school. For those who homeschool or have your kids in christian school you are very blessed there are always issues, but at least you can shield them some what from the secular influence until you have them firmly grounded. I know God is using this to light a fire under me to start a good devotional with the girls and also to get Alesa into that Wed night girls bible study that just started. Sometimes I come home tired from work and by the time we get dinner and homework done I put off the devotional and think we will start it tomorrow, but God is saying Rhonda the time is now! A dear friend of mine brought me a girl's devotional, isn't that perfect timing. I hear you Lord and thank you for giving me the time I will need.

Alesa lost the privilege of being on the dance team at school because of disobedience to us. She is devastated and had to go in and face her teacher. She cried and pleaded but we had set up some very clear parameters the last time she defied us and one of them was losing the dance team. This did open some great conversations about actions and consequences and how God disciplines those he loves. This behavior has been such a contradiction in who she is. As I have said before you really don't miss any of the stages by adopting an older child Alesa is now going through the two year old " I am going to defy you to see how far I can push you stage" She has had a rough time, and in addition to that she borrowed a friends I-pod at school left it in the gym and it got stolen. She got in the car after school and wanted to know if I would give her the money to pay her friend back. No mam, you will pay her back a little at a time by working extra chores and I hope the both of you learned a lesson on lending and borrowing.

Our adoption of Karina seems still just an image that hasn't come into focus. I have been sick with a cold and kidney infection and don't have the extra emotional energy to think about it. Mark is taking on extra responsibilty at work and is gone for more training. With Kyle sick and the past two weeks that we have had I never got back with the SW to schedule an appointment. We really want to do it just seems there are insurmountable odds right now.

Our gym time came to a grinding halt with all the sickness. I did manage to start the devotional with the girls. They seem to like it and we are all practicing the verse from Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience... We can really use it right now especially the patience part.

Now before I leave off I must mix in the joy with the bitter because it so sweetened our life last week. I would be remiss if I did not mention Valentines day. I was in the planning stages of doing something special for Valentines. Well, our daughters started planning something so wonderful for Mark and I that I decided to step back and receive rather than give on this one.

I will post pictures sometime, but they won't do it justice. Julia spent all week learning to make fondant off of U-tube to plan this cake. I hope I can say this without seeming to favor or highlight one of our children because we love them all equally and they all have their gifts, but Julia has the gift of love, joy and giving wrapped up. She planned this entire evening that she kept calling, "A table for two" with her sisters as her helpers and they were quite delighted as the helpers because Julia is a natural born creative doer and Alesa and Lena are followers. I too am a good follower and love that position, however Julia is defintely a chief which sometimes we have to channel a bit.

Our son Kyle was home sick and watched the whole process and said it was a production like nothing he has seen. He said Julia was the ultimate party planner. She was eyeing several different things at once, the decorating, the cooking and making suggestions here and there. The two older girls would ask her what she thought of this or that and what she wanted them to do next.

They all have their roles they have established and seem content with them. Alesa likes being the quiet helper always there to lend a hand where ever needed, very consistent. Julia loves the creativity of cooking. Lena doesn't seem to enjoy cooking so much but seems to like the clean up. she gets satisfaction out of organizing and putting away. Julia loves creating messes but isn't too enthuiastic about clean up or putting away so they really compliment each other.

They made Mark and I leave so we met downtown for lunch with Brett, his girlfriend and Kenna. That was such a sweet time getting to visit with our oldest two kids. We were celebrating because Brett got his first two acceptance letters to law school. One is for South Texas and the other for LSU. He was thinking of going out of state, but his sweet girlfriend has another year of engineering school left to finish and we guess he may be thinking staying in Texas would be a good idea:)

When we came home there was a sign on our bedroom door that read in bold letters, DO NOT COME IN !!!!!! Finally, at last it was announced that THE TABLE FOR TWO was awaiting. We were ushered into what I can only describe as a fairy land done in hearts, satin, tulle, twinkling lights and candles everywhere with a table for two that was visually and lusciously decorated. I didn't even think we were in our bedroom, but rather an elegant romantic restaurant somewhere. All the material had been pulled out of the attic from past parties from when the kids were little or when we used to entertain occassionally.

Julia had asked for our debit card earlier in the day and gone and bought groceries. Everything was a surprise. Upon entering we were presented with homemade chocolate covered strawberries on a crystal platter. The first course was jumbo shrimp seasoned in some type of cajun spice. The next course was a salad beautifully prepared by Alesa. Then Julia and Lena came in with the main course which were steaks that Julia had prepared on the grill and potatoes that had been mixed with some garlic and other spices to delight the senses. They were playing like waitresses, and then they said, "we will leave you now for your evening of love" and they exited the room. Mark and I spent a delightful time talking together and marveling over the creativity and thought that had gone into the preparation of that night.

About an hour later there was a knock on the door and all three girls came in and presented two gorgeous cakes. They were in the shape of a heart and had pink fondant frosting. One was a strawberry layer cake and had a big bow on it made out of fondant. It had to have stuffing for this bow to make the puff and we didn't have any so Julia put a little slit in one of her teddy bears and pulled out some stuffing to use because, "mom they showed stuffing on the U-tube video for the bow and it was the only thing I could think of." The other cake was chocolate and had written on it "loved you once, loved you twice, we will love you all of our lives"

God is unconditional love. He gave us love so we could give it back to him and so it would fill our homes, our hearts, and our lives. We don't need Valentines day to show us how to love we have the greatest teacher of all. Thank you God for your love, for the love of my husband, our children, and our friends.

A Week in the LIfe

Lena got her own room last weekend and she was so excited. Ryan and Zhenya are sharing a room now. They are hardly ever in their rooms so we decided it was better for Lena to have her space since she would use it much more than Ryan.

We are also trying to get Ryan to "launch" into his future which he has seemed reluctant to do so we figured we might make home a little less comfortable. We are trying a modified version of tough love. He is a good kid but everyday he has a new plan, but nothing seems to come of it, and he just idles in neutral. He graduated high school early and hasn't done much since. We have refused to help him with a car unless he gets a job, we told him we would transport him until we see some motivation on his part. We have also taken his phone away hoping something will jump start him. He has been getting more prayer time lately than the others. One thing about having a large family it is never dull. You get one in a good place and someone else pops up to the top of the "sending up extra prayers for this one this week Lord" I am just glad we don't have a quota or we would have it all used up by now.

Kenna always wanted to be a doctor, then decided she didn't want to do that and took a year off from college to work and figure out what she wanted to do. She has gone back to school and has found her career path and she is so excited. She has switched her major to Primatology, the study of non-human primates. She is so thrilled because her university is one of the only ones in the nation that has a "body farm" where she can learn about primate anatomy first hand. I was thinking it would be nice if one of our kids would major in something like dermatology, plastic surgery, hair dressing, something that would benefit us after all these years of sacrafice, but can't think of how this one can help us so I guess we will have to wait for the next one :)

We had a girls painting party last weekend and it was so fun. The boys were all away and we decided to put some color in Lena's room.We went and chose all our colors and came home and cranked up our christian radio station and got to work. She loves purple so we painted her room lavender. I had an old headboard in the attic that was a rusty brown iron color. We pulled that out and while Lena, Alesa and Julia were painting the room I spray painted the bed black and then silver leafed over that and it turned out really nice. We got her a really pretty dark purple and black comforter and a lamp that we decorated with sparkly flowers. We found a cheap bookcase at Walmart and she decorated it with all her knick knacks. Alesa and I found a dresser for $10.00 one time at Goodwill and Alesa has been using it but we decided since it was so cheap that we would spray paint it black and put some really cool silver knobs on it for Lena's room. I love doing stuff with these girls they are so creative and we love bargain hunting together. After we were done we surveyed our handiwork and declared it beautiful. Lena is beside herself with happiness. She is very neat too and her closet would pass the toughest military inspection. Our next project will be Alesa's room. She has never been able to make up her mind what color she wants. Alesa and Lena are very different and I expect their rooms will reflect that. Alesa is very understated and elegant in everything she does where Lena has the more modern contemporary flair. Lena is purple and black, and Alesa is thinking soft rich warm vanilla with some very light accents. Julia is artistic and a combination of both.

Speaking of Julia she was selected student of the month and her science brochure project was chosen as a first place winner in her class. She won a gift card from Walmart. Now if I can just convince her not to buy me a present with it but to get something for herself. Everytime she gets money she wants to buy me something. I don't tell you about her accomplishments to brag (ok well maybe alittle) but more to show how much she has overcome in her short life. This always brings tears to my eyes when I stop and reflect how far they have all come.

Alesa and Julia are so thoughtful of me that sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with emotion. I got up the other morning and Alesa had put out my cereal, she had squeezed me a fresh glass of grapefruit juice and had my place all set and pulled out my chair for me. I think I will do something special for Valentines for them. I love parties and when the other kids were small I used to have little parties until the boys told me they didn't like candlelight dinners anymore :) Mark will not be home on Valentines evening he has to work so we will celebrate the next night. I think I will do a kids "love you so much" night Saturday night and decorate with hearts and all pink and red just to show them how much I love them. The boys will opt out I am sure but maybe Kenna can come home and we can do a girly valentine party, wouldn't that be fun?

The other night Lena came down the stairs with her pajamas on and a jacket she had bought when she first got here. It was so tight she couldn't even button it. She was laughing and saying "mom America make me fat" I cracked up, I said, "honey I don't think its America I think it is the bread, pasta and the 6 bananas a day that are shrinking that jacket."

We started working out at our recreation center. When I went to put Lena on our card the other day the lady said, WOW you have a big family you are certainly getting your money's worth out of this family pass." I said, "I know when we got the membership we decided we needed to add more kids to make it worth it." Sometimes you just have to make a joke about the family size. I walk the track, dad runs the track and lifts weights, and the girls work out in the training room. The boys use it too but they go on their own time. It has become a family affair.

Still praying feverantly about Karina and asking God to help us make this possible. This really would be the last one. SW is going to come up-date our homestudy over the next few weeks. I have to be honest I am really trying to get the mo-jo to start this process again. It is so emotional and time consuming with all the paper work and then worrying about how to fiance it. I really thought we were done but maybe God wasn't done. If he is calling us to go back then we need to find a way to make this happen. Alesa went and spent the day working in the Special Olympics if her dad and I were younger we would love to adopt one from Reeces Rainbow. If you haven't had a chance to go to that website you should you will fall in love a hundred times over.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl all our children will be coming home except Brett who is about 6 hours away. He will come home on Valentines to visit us and see his girlfriend who is in school about an hour from here. Everyone wants to be here tomorrow because Dad makes his special chili and no one wants to miss out on that!

God already knows who will win the game so I wonder if he watches it?