ADOPTION ADVENTURE

Just when we thought we were in calm waters...

2011-09-16T06:06:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of posting more than every few months, but once again we are in a battle. This battle is not about adoption, or our children. The end of July I went in for a routine mammogram. It was a beautiful day and I remember thinking as I was driving to my appointment, ahhhh life is finally settled and calm. Little did I know that my life was about to turn up-side down.

One hour later I was calling Mark to tell him they had found a "spot" and I needed to have it looked it at. I already knew the answer the radiologist had all but confirmed it. I don't even remember the drive home.

This was a Friday and I couldn't find out anything definite until the next week. Breast cancer! I couldn't even bear to look at my family without crying. I kept thinking I can't cry, I didn't want them to know until I was sure. They were all in our room wrestling and teasing each other and Julia starts telling us a sad story about a boy in school whose mother had just died. I started crying and from my reaction she looked at me, like did you know her? I thought, I might be her, and what are my precious husband and children going to do. I prayed a lot that weekend. I have never asked God why me? I know that cancer isn't caused by anything other than we live in a fallen world. I was sad, but not scared, by the end of the weekend God gave me a peace about it, and I knew with him that I would face whatever was in store. I wasn't going to let it take my faith, my love, or my humor.

There is a lot that has happened between that day and this one. I wanted to write about it, and I couldn't. I wish I could have captured that part of this journey, but honestly my head was in a fog and I was in a daze. I found out that yes I have breast cancer. Good news- it was caught early and wasn't in my lymph nodes. Bad news- it is an aggressive cancer and has a higher rate of re-occurance. My prognosis at this point looks good. I have to have chemo and a wonder drug called Herceptin this drug has its own story and I will share that later. I will have 6 months of big chemo drugs and then a year of Herceptin. Most importantly I will have God and that dear friends no matter what the outcome, is my greatest protection.

Now you know our awesome God is always fair and just and I just have to tell you this part because he is so good. I always get routine mammograms every summer during school breaks. The summer before this last one when Kasey was visiting, for the first time I did not get my routine mammogram done, I skipped it. Last Fall we were trying to get over to adopt her and you know the horrible ordeal that turned into. Here is the part that gives me goose bumps. Had I gone in for that mammogram that summer they would have found the spot and because it is an aggressive cancer I would have had to go into treatment for a year as I am doing now. I wouldn't have been able to pass my physical to go. We would never have been able to adopt Kasey as she would have aged out and we would have lost her by the time I was through with chemo. Unusual for me but now we know the reason I skipped a mammogram. God kept me protected through that time period even though the tumor was most likely growing he never let it reach my lymph nodes! Was there ever any doubt Kasey was meant to be ours.

I am now doing chemo and am on temporary leave from my job. I have had a lumpectomy but since it is an aggressive cancer have decided at the end of chemo to have a double mastectomy. I have lost all my hair. Now folks not in all my years have I ever been referred to as beautiful. My name and that word have never been associated until now. "Rhonda you are beautiful" or "oh my you have a beautiful head" Well, God does have a sense of humor who knew my best feature was hidden under a head of hair this whole time.

How is my family doing? Everyone handles things differently some want to know all and others want to pretend like life as usual. Mark and the 3 girls are here so they are in the thick of it. Mark is my heart and you can only imagine what this is doing to him. He holds me as I am sick from the chemo. Fortunately, we have managed to shield the kids from this part. As I blog I will of course be talking more about Mark and the girls as they are the ones home at this point, but our other kids are no less involved they just aren't here on a daily basis. Brett and Kyle are close by and visit often. Kenna, Ryan and Zhenya are all away right now at school and jobs. Alesa, Julia and Kasey are with me every day and they are all angels in their own ways. We are trying to keep things as normal as possible because they have lost one mom and we don't want them to stress about this. They pray the most precious prayers over me. "Dear God please don't take our mom we love her so much" " She came to get us please don't take her from us" We really need our mom God" These are such sweet prayers and I thank God for the blessing of these girls in this time.

Now an up-date on Kasey Grace. She is just an amazing girl and has had the easiest transition in of all the kids. She is joyous, happy, and always has a smile on her face. She is loving, affectionate and sweet. I told you she made color guard and because she is so athletic she is already on the first line. Kasey makes friends easily and loves life. The three girls get along and all three are very different. It is truly a blessing to be their mom. Alesa is on the swim team and Julia is in cheerleading again this year. They are teens and we still do a lot of teaching and re-teaching, but they love us and really want to please. I have no doubt they will all grow into wonderful women.

I am trying to decide since this blog is really not about adoption now, although we still advocate for adoption, it will be more of a family chronicle and my cancer journey I may make a new blog and just put a link on here for awhile. That takes some thought and since my brain is slow processing these days it may take awhile :)

We never know what we will encounter on this journey, but what thing that is always constant is God. He knew from the beginning what would happen and he knows the end, and in this alone lies my comfort. I can not imagine doing this without him. Praising God for his everlasting love!

Kasey Grace

2011-07-18T01:05:00.000-07:00

I look at these pictures and I realize how fine the line was between the girl you see in these pictures and the girl I took from the orphanage not so long ago. I will post pictures later of her when I saw her again for the first time at the orphanage after being separated from her for 8 months. It is unreal how much they change in a short period of time. This is why it is so important to get them out of there as quickly as possible. As they get older they start to develop the hard orphanage edge. Kasey is very sweet, but she wasn't immune to the influences of peers and life in the orphanage. We came so close to losing her in so many ways. A couple of letters almost ruined her life and her future, and it still gives us nightmares.

As you can see she is blooming and so happy! I can't say enough wonderful things about this girl. She is always happy, always smiling and just a joy to be around. She is the most affectionate child I have ever known. She calls Mark and I mommy and daddy, none of the other kids call us this they say mom and dad, she started using this on her own and it is quite endearing. She is always hugging one or the other of us. She wants to please and is a very hard worker. All three of the girls get along and it just makes my heart so thrilled to see them sharing clothes, stories and laughs.

The flowers at our house are once again in full bloom and it is a beautiful sight to see. Thank you God for the flowers you have placed in our home. They are growing in you Lord and it is our prayer that Kasey will come to know that you are the master gardener, the designer of all that is lovely.

The final outcome

2011-07-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

I left off in the middle of my story on the last post. I wanted to tell it in parts because there was so much to put down and I had to recapture all the memories. I needed to re-walk the steps of this whole incredible journey.

For those of you who have adopted you know the anxiety of waiting. You wait to get your paperwork, you wait to get the approval, you wait to get submitted, you wait to get your travel date, and you wait to get the call or the e-mail that you finally have been invited to come. Our wait was magnified because we had to redo a lot of our paperwork that was expiring, and then wait until February to find out if the SDA would ever even accept our dossier. I can't begin to tell you how excruciating that time period was for us. We also applied for me to travel as a single married since we didn't know for sure when we would go. This adoption would be our 5th time out of the country and Mark was needed at work.

We knew it was a long shot to be able to bring Karina home, after all how did it look to them, we had disrupted and we were wanting to adopt again. We knew the how and why, but would they understand it? Karina coming back into our lives at one of the worst possible times for us to even consider adopting again. We never had a problem with anyone questioning our motives we understood that, we knew what it looked like to the uninformed, but we did not understand someone such as Ms Jackson who did not even have all the facts straight trying to take away a future for Karina essentially assigning her a bleak life and most likely an early death warrant. Life doesn't always go as we mapped it out does it we didn't plan for it but we found ourselves in an unusual situation? If it always goes smoothly then we don't appreciate or see the work God can do in our lives. He uses the circumstances of our situations to show his divine glory and faithfulness to all involved.

Did I ever tell you we have the most fabulous facilitator in the world and that she is a miracle worker!! She and God got our dossier accepted in February! We now had less than a month to get the invite to travel as Karina turned 16 in March. Once again we were a case of nerves to get this far now we just had to have that appointment before March 14th when she would age out and not be allowed to come to the United States.

Karina by this point was calling Sveta everyday asking if her adoption would happen. We finally got our invitation and our embassy appointment on March 14th which was Karina's 16th birthday, and the very last day we could file for her. Is God good or what! The SDA appointment was two days later and I received her file.

When we arrived at Karina's orphanage I heard this scream and saw Karina running towards me I started running just as hard in her direction and we flew into each others arms with both of us crying. We held on so tight because we both knew how close we had come to never seeing each other again. Karina had been kept apprised of the whole situation by this time and knew how precarious this adoption was going to be.

Unfortunately, we were not out of the woods yet. Even though I had quit writing on my blog and had shut down my Facebook somehow CJ found out we had made it to Ukraine and actually called the SDA while we were there wanting to know if we were there adopting. I truly felt like I was in some kind of international spy novel and was being stalked. We thought will this never end so we can breathe freely again. They told her they couldn't give her any information about the families in process.

However, the SDA then got a case of the jitters and no one wanted to be the person who would give the release of our paperwork for court. As one of my sweet blogging friends mentioned in the comments, after all the negative publicity on adoptions gone awry no one wanted to take responsibility to give the release. Sveta went and begged but to no avail and it was looking grim, like I was going to have to go home without Karina. Our only hope was the judge, and at first she seemed reluctant we had to wait 24 hours for her decision as to whether she would proceed.

Karina was calling wanting to see me, but I couldn't even bear to face her, what if we lost, what if I had to say goodbye? What if I had to return home without her? I couldn't stop crying and I didn't want her to see me that way. This was the most unbearable two days of my life.

Karina had already made the two hour bus trip to say goodbye to her grandmother. I can't even imagine what that was like I saw the pictures and they ripped my heart out. Her 86 year old grandmother crying and each picture she seemed even smaller and more vulnerable than the one before. She would call Karina and beg her not to leave Ukraine. I think I aged 10 years during that time. Everywhere I turned there was so much sadness, but my own seemed to be drowning out all else.

I cried out on my face before God. Please help us you called us here. I lost faith one night, are you there God? Did you even want us here? Why did you allow it to get this far? We aren't bad people our hearts have always been in the right place why all the problems? I even started questioning the whole adoption calling I felt so unworthy and battle worn. I felt like a terrible person and a worse parent. Why did you choose us why? You can not imagine the pit of my despair. I wrestled with it all night and finally I turned it over to God and said your will be done we have no control over this, and by morning light my God answered all my questions. I could feel his presence as if he were holding me in his arms. He assured me, do not worry you will have your court today, and I thought but Lord Sveta said it would be days out, even if we can get one at all. Then the peace which transcends all understanding came over me. I walked out and said to Sveta, God told me the judge will give us a positive answer and court will be today. She looked at me a little incredulously and said, let's pray it does happen. I said, don't worry Sveta it will happen today and I am sorry I lost my faith for a day or so that was wrong never ever doubt God.

She went out to speak with the judge and I went in to get ready for the court that against all odds God had promised me would happen that very day.

Sveta returned two hours later where I was ready and waiting, and said you must hurry the judge approved the petition and we have court in 2 hours. I was ready because God had assured me this was the day the Lord had made for Karina to become ours.

I don't know Ms Jackson but I wanted her to know when God wants something to happen nothing will stand in the way!

Karina became our daughter 3 years and 6 months after God laid her on our hearts.
She wanted a new name and she chose Kasey Grace and she has been home with us for 3 months. She is absolutely precious in every way, but I shall save that story and her pictures for my next post.
Praise God from whom all blessings fall!

What about Karina?

2011-07-13T16:41:00.000-07:00

We hosted her when she was 12, this was after we met her when we went to adopt Alesa and Julia. She came to visit us summers and Christmases. We always told her when she was ready we would come for her. She couldn't bear to leave her grandmother so she would always tell us, "maybe next year" Then we got a letter that said, "I am thinking about the family and missing you and wish I could see you." A friend went to her orphanage to adopt and came home and said, Karina has decided she finally wanted us to adopt her. Our friend said, she is such a beautiful and sweet girl and she emphatically states it has to be only your family she will go with.

We had adopted Lena the year before, and we were in the middle of working through a lot of emotional turmoil, we asked ourselves, can we bring Karina here now during this time? We prayed about it and felt strongly that God was guiding us to bring her even in the midst of it. We were never worried about how many children, after all we had as many as 8 home at once and it was a mix of fun and chaos that comes with a big family. We had an extra bedroom for Karina and we thought having 4 girls would be wonderful. Mark and I were very optimistic that we could reach Lena eventually. At this point we weren't even for sure Karina would not change her mind again about being adopted; we had to see and talk to her first. We decided we should have her come because this was her last chance as soon she would turn 16.

When we told Karina she could come visit we were very hopeful with Lena, but she continued over the months of waiting for Karina's visit, to escalate. In answer to the question did Lena escalate because she knew Karina was coming? No, she was actually excited about having another teen girl here especially someone whom she considered not part of the sibling group. Lena was very much into isolating out groups within the family and creating division, sadly she looked to Karina to be a possible ally. There were the usual daily missles, meltdowns and silent rejection, and a few weeks before Karina's visit the situation had gotten to a breaking point. Even something as simple as a trip to the store would frequently turn into a war. My usually calm nerves were frayed to the edges, and the older kids were worried about my well being. Julia was refusing to come out of her room at different points.

We started praying about two things. Should we still bring Karina with this going on, and should we seriously consider the possibility of trying to find some relief by getting a family for Lena that would give everyone, but especially her, some peace. She needed a place where she could grow and mature and this was definitely not happening at our home. We decided we needed to deal with each girl separately, Karina should not be left at the orphanage if she wanted a family and we had already promised her this visit. She had so many disappointments in her life we couldn't give her another one.

We were hopeful that the dynamics might change to the better with Karina's arrival. As I said we are optimists. I can't state strongly enough that Karina had nothing to do with our decisions on Lena. Our home and hearts were always big enough for a multitude of children. If they tried to destroy themselves we would stand by them, whatever they threw at us we could handle it, but the destruction of each other and the resulting emotional mess to the family was another matter.

Karina came for the summer and we knew she was ours. I would like to tell you while Karina was here things improved with Lena, but that wasn't the case. Karina stayed neutral from the continued turmoil, but she did not care for how Lena treated others. However, she was still torn trying to decide if she wanted to leave her grandmother.

We had put out a distress signal to friends about seeking a different situation for Lena. A family came forward to help and she was more than happy to make the change. In fact when we took her there she happily waved us away and bounced off to a waiting peer group without a backwards glance at me. I was heartbroken, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt this was the right thing for everyone. In retrospect that was the hardest time period in our entire marriage. I just thought it was forever, and now I realize that when you bring an almost grown child into your home there are so many variables.

People have asked us, if she were your biological child would you do the same? We answered, if our biological child were doing this at almost 17 and we saw no remorse and no willingness to change, then yes, we would do all we could, and if it continued they would be asked to find other accommodations until they figured it out. Call it tough love or whatever you will, but the other kids deserve the kind of peaceful and harmonious childhood we have offered all of them and that they have all grown up in. Don't get me wrong they have dealt with adversity in the family and with each other and they know what it means to help hurting children and to stand by them. They know what it means to forgive and work through issues, but at some point you have to know when it's time to draw a line.

We ended the summer in tranquility and Karina returned to Ukraine. We called her and she decided that, yes, definitely she wanted us to come for her. Our dossier was in process. We were concerned about having Lena in respite at this time and trying to adopt Karina, but several people assured us they didn't think that would be a problem. Our home study had been done back in late Spring and was still good so we just let it stand since at this point nothing permanent had yet taken place for Lena.

All our paperwork was submitted and in place and we were waiting for a submitting date which we prayed would be sometime in October as the SDA was not giving any more appointments after December and wouldn't open back up until February to accept dossiers and Karina was turning 16 on March 14th. We were essentially in a race against time.

I came home from work and my husband was white as a sheet he said, I just got off the phone with Sveta and she said someone named Carolyn Jackson claiming she was from a special needs group has written her, the SDA, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the prosecutor and several other offices and said we were trying to adopt another child and we had gotten rid of Lena because she was a special needs child and we wanted only perfect children and we were not stable enough to adopt another child. She stated that she cares about special needs children and that is why she was writing the letter. We were shocked and devastated and we thought who and why would someone do this? First off I am a special education teacher and I worked with children with Downs and adore them, and later with children with emotional handicaps. The reason I became a special education teacher was because I had a special needs brother. Two of our sons have dyslexia and Zhenya had serious emotional problems that Mark and I have worked through with him. This was just a mean slanderous lie and obviously came from someone who did not know us very well, if at all.

These letters and this lie halted our adoption. We wrote letters, we had our social worker review our case and he spoke extensively with family, friends, and Lena herself stating that all was well and everyone was happy with the change and that we were indeed a very stable family. Our adopted kids wrote letters that would slay your hearts telling the SDA that we were wonderful parents and that they needed to allow us to adopt Karina. Alesa wrote this to the SDA, "None of you know what it is like to be an orphan alone and without a family or a future. Our parents have given us so much please do not deny this for Karina." Letters from all of us and Lena were sent to Carolyn Jackson begging her to retract her statements to Ukraine. Lena was incensed that someone said she was "special needs". She wrote quite a strong letter to Ms. Jackson. Lena also stated that we should be allowed to adopt that we were a good family just not what she needed. We told her we had hosted children in our home and found many families for them. We had our town and church writing articles about orphans and had found families for them. We came back from our adoptions and found families for kids left behind. We explained this wasn't just affecting Karina, that we would not be allowed to do any of this anymore. She remained anonymous and never explained even to the SDA what "group" she was from except for her name and e-mail address and would never answer anything we sent her.

The SDA rejected our dossier based only on the letter of some woman who was so blind she would not see that Lena had a future she had hope, she had people, many people, who cared very much for her. Karina had no hope and no future without us. We know now it takes very little substantal evidence to halt an adoption in Ukraine even with all the official letters we sent.

We had to call Karina and tell her we would not be coming, but with God all things are possible and we were not giving up. She was so sick she could barely speak with us. They had no heat in her room and she was cold. Can you imagine our panic and the helplessness that we felt. We wrote Carolyn Jackson another letter and begged her to reconsider we told her Karina was sick and she was going to spend Christmas without family, in fact she would be spending all her future Christmases without a family but she never acknowleged us.

We prayed, we prayed and we prayed some more. We had everyone we knew praying and so many times I wanted to get on the blog and ask you all to pray, but we could not do or say a thing that might give CJ any more information.

Our facilitator was working every angle she could. Finally she wrote and said, You must pray because they will not take your dossier now. We must wait until February and they may revisit this after it has had time to cool. We once again cried out to God, because if the dossier had to wait until February and she turned 16 in March we might not even get an appointment until after her 16th birthday. We couldn't fly over and make a petition because they had refused our paperwork.

We knew we had to turn it over to God, and we did but I was a mess I would start crying every time I would talk to Sveta because it looked so hopeless. We were fighting an army of the unseen enemy.

I must stop here even writing this has taken me back and I am exhausted. This story will be continued...

The Rest of the Story...

2011-07-10T22:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know who I am writing for now. I may be the only person who will be reading this, but I need to have an ending, a closure if you will.

It has been almost a year, and in a year many things can change. Our lives are always in perpetual motion, we are either swimming with the tide or against it, we can only tread water for a limited period before we must begin the journey again. In the past year or so we have been in all the cycles.

At the end of this post there will be some of you who will judge, but that is OK because we have been through the storms, tossed and drowning thinking we could not get enough air to survive, finally dragging ourselves to the sand where we were revived and able to breathe again. You do not have to agree with our decisions of the past year, but because we are at peace now in tranquil waters I can finish what I started here.

I believe that most of you were very aware of our struggles with Lena after we returned home. I tried to be honest while still staying positive, sometimes a shaky line to balance on. We tried praying, talking, counseling and waiting it out to no avail. There are not the words to convey on this page the pain that our family has gone through. I ask you to be considerate in your judgements until you have walked in another's shoes. We never adopted our children with any other intention than to love them and give them hope. Our biological children have learned what it means to love and accept others that did not come to us in the same way they did. I find there are many people out there who have all the answers and who would never do things the way we have done them. They may have 15 children and they manage to make it work and would never consider our choice no matter what, but they are not us and we had to do what we thought best for our family. Unless you walked our path with us you will not understand so try to be gentle in your thoughts and words

It does no one any good to go into all the lurid details of a failing relationship that literally became so debilitating to several family members that some of the innocent players might never have been able to recover from it if serious interventions had not taken place.

Can I start by saying I never thought we would find ourselves in such an emotional mess or that we like so many people thought that we could manage any situation especially since we felt we had seriously prayed over each child we brought to our family. If it had been only Mark and I we could handle anything thrown at us, but when the dismantling of one of our other precious children began we could not stand by and allow it to continue. The final straw was when our college age kids came home from school and said," do you all see what is happening here one of our sweetest and sunniest siblings has become a basket case of fear and nerves." They begged us to look at other options.

Sometimes the unthinkable occurs and then two parents are forced to consider the well being of the entire family. They have to make the difficult decision to let one child find their peace in a different family to preserve the emotional stability of the whole.

It wasn't easy and it was more painful than the words on this page can ever reveal, but it was the right thing to do for all involved. God gave us a peace that could only come from him.

Lena herself said she needed a change, because as much as she cared for Mark and I was as intensely as she disliked other members and she stated that nothing we did or said would ever change that fact. The dynamics couldn't have been worse for all involved. It took courage for all of us to recognize how destructive the situation had become and even more courage on everyone's part, especially Lena's, to decide to do something to change it.

We had exhausted all our efforts and we were drained and making no progress. Since Lena was almost 17 we knew there was little time for growth. We knew our family dynamics would never give her the opportunity at her late age that she needed to succeed. We just could not stop the emotional hemorrhaging that was happening all around us. She couldn't accept our lifeline and we had to give someone else the chance to do what we could not.

With agreement from Lena she went to a fabulous respite family in a town where she had other friends from her orphanage that had been adopted. She came to know our Lord and was baptized. Eventually she was adopted by a family with no other children where she could thrive and be the entire focus. Let me correct a misconception here that several people had about Lena, she was not a special needs child we were told about Lena by a family who had been to her orphanage. Her story was posted on Reeces Rainbow because she was an older child who was getting ready to age out quickly and desperately needed a home. We had our dossier and felt God calling us to her. She had learning gaps and emotional holes but that is the case with most orphans. Lena was quite savvy about what she wanted and thought was best for her. We actually had someone write and tell us we were re-homing her because she was special needs and we wanted a perfect child and she didn't fit the bill. We were devastated by that slanderous lie and the rest of that story will be forthcoming. We are not perfect parents and if we wanted only perfect children we would be re-homing all of ours. Thank you Lord Jesus that that you love the imperfect in spite of their flaws and that includes me and everyone one who reads this post. This is why he sent a savior to take save us from ourselves.

Was this always God's plan or did he just take human failings and straighten it out like he does in so many things that we manage to mess up? He knew the end results even if he it wasn't his original plan. We believe that we were the bridge to bring Lena here, we were not her end destination. No one adopts a child thinking they will re-home them, but sometimes life doesn't always go as we plan. Lena was almost a grown woman and even though we wanted to erase the hurt of her past that is not always possible unless there is serious changes made. God can and does take away pain and memories that haunt us. He is the great healer. He can make the flowers bloom again and he has and they are beautiful!

I know you are wondering what happened with Karina and that is a post I shall have to save for another day for it is also a long story. Before that story is written I want you to know that these two girls stories intersect for a short time, but one had nothing to do with the other or our decisions. I will post Karina's story soon.

Almost got to talk to Karina

2010-09-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

We called her yesterday morning and Alesa talked to her first. Before Mark and I could talk to her the line went dead and we couldn't get back through. This sometimes happens in overseas calls ugh! We will try and call tomorrow. Mark had given her money before she went back so she went and bought a cell phone (they are really cheap over there a pay as you go kind) so that she could talk with us.

I don't know how long she will be able to keep it before it is stolen or someone older and stronger takes it away. Because she is now one of the older girls I am hoping no one will take it from her.

I am posting a picture of her with her puzzle she was so pleased. Also, we were in this store and Katrina came up with this little angel, a funny looking little angel but hey who cares :) and she said, "mom open" so I opened her closed fist, and she had bought me this and had the biggest smile on her face. It really bothered Julia that this little angel didn't have a mouth but with Julia this naturally would be a horrible appalling situation because that child loves to talk.

It really is the little things in life that make it wonderful. I came home from work very tired the other day and Brett gave me the best back and shoulder rub. Alesa cleaned the kitchen all up and I just relaxed. I knew I had kids for a reason... (just kidding sort of)

Thank you for Lord for children especially when they have a servants heart for mom after a long day at work!

The Boomerangs

2010-09-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

We adore our children and having them home is so wonderful but we have decided that we have bred little boomerangs. They always return home and usually pretty quick. Our house has a revolving door that never stops moving. We love it and we have happily resigned ourselves to never being alone in the house ever again. Although I still long for a bathroom trip alone. At night for some reason just as we are getting ready to go to bed they love to gather in our room. We have them stretched on the floor, the couch and fighting for bed space. Sometimes Mark and I are sandwiched between three big ole kids on our bed.

This weekend Zhenya came home with a laundry list of things he forgot, his speakers, his guitar, and he needed a new printer for his computer. Brett's adorable girlfriend Kelsey came to visit with her dog so we had four dogs in our backyard. I am sure our neighbors just look at us and shake their heads."George those nuts next door have added another dog to that circus over there."

I snapped a couple of pictures of Brett and Kelsey coming in from the lake. I told them I would be putting them on my blog. I have to get their permission to post about them since they all read my blog. I had asked Zhenya to talk about his story and he was fine with it, especially if it could help someone else avoid his trauma.

Karina got a message and a phone number to us so we are going to call her today. Usually we do fine without speaking Russian but it is hard when we are on the phone because there is so much we want to say, and I feel helpless when I can't touch and hug. I will put a picture up of Karina and her puzzle later. She loved it and we can't wait to hang it in her room if she comes. Of course a big thank you to the Goulds, Nuccios and the Haggs for being part of it. You all have been so diligent following us all this time.

Today is labor day. I will leave you with this verse:

Psalm 128: 1-2
Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways.
You will eat the fruit of your labor:
blessing and propertity will be yours...

This verse doesn't promise us we will be materially rich but you will prosper spiritually when you labor with the Lord. It is a privilege to labor for you Lord and I can't wait to see the jobs you have for me in heaven. I just hope it has something to do with children.

Karina

2010-08-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

We miss her! An entire summer sped by so quickly and now all we have left are our memories and pictures. Brett calls her big bird because she is tall and still so childish in her manner sometimes. He thinks she would be a great volley ball player. She laughs easily and cries just as easily. She etched a place in our hearts. Karina we love you!

Trial to Triumph and Letting Go...

2010-08-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

I have debated about how much to share on my blog I feel like I want to be transparent about all our joys and difficulties but then I know I need to also not share too much that will be too private about our kids. I told you I would tell you some of our trials in the past several months. I wrote this and then thought I had probably shared more than I should so I am going back and see if I can do a better job. The first one is literally a trial to triumph story and I want to share it to show how God can heal and bring us through difficult times. God can change even the most seemingly hopeless situations to victory.

We adopted our Zhenya when he was 14 years old. He came to us a skinny shy boy who had been in an orphanage from a young age. He didn't want to bond with us at first and he hated women in general. We didn't know it at the time, but after he came home he would sneak out at night and smoke cigarettes in the backyard putting them out under the leaves, apparently he had been smoking and drinking since the age age of five. One night one of his smoldering cigarettes came within 5 minutes of burning our house down. We caught it in time called the fire department and had many thousands of dollars worth of damage, but the firemen said another 5 minutes and it would have been too late. We knew we had some work to do to bring him into the family fold, to obey our rules, and to help him overcome the debilitating previous damage done by people who were supposed to love and take care of him.

We spent several years working through some of those issues. Was it easy? No it wasn't, but was it worth it? Yes it was! He went on to excel in school and became a starting football player. We were thrilled that he seemed to have put his past behind him. He would initiate hugging me where at first he avoided any contact, adored his dad and was great friends with all his siblings. Zhenya seemed to be so happy and at peace until it came time for graduation and college.

A few months before graduation Zhenya started withdrawing from the family once again. He seemed very sad and we attributed this to his imminent graduation and coming departure for college where he was accepted into the electrical engineering school.

When we went went to adopt Zhenya there was another family there at the same time adopting a girl the same age from his class. These kids were very close friends and had grown up together at the orphanage. They live about 4 hours from us and we visited only once when we were all back, but after that Zhenya wanted nothing to do with anything from his past. We all lead busy lives, and consequently did not keep in touch.

Just before graduation this girl and Zhenya found each other on face-book and so they began corresponding. She decided to come for his graduation. It was a wonderful tearful joyful reunion. She is a lovely girl with a great family and she has overcome so much.

When this girl came for graduation, Zhenya's past came into his present, as he was trying to get his heart and mind prepared for a future and a change he didn't think he was ready to meet. Little did we know that a storm bigger than any of us could have imagined was brewing around inside him and all these events came together and created " The Perfect Storm"

Zhenya had a breakdown that pulled the whole family into an abyss that took us all by surprise. It was a very difficult time period and I won't go into it but lets just say that God was faithful and pulled everyone through.

Through intensive prayer and counseling he was able to get everything in perspective and he understood that college was not a change to be feared and that we would still be here. He is coming to realize that his past is just that- his past- and it can't hurt him anymore.

Our family came together and we are so proud of our children! They really supported us, each other, and Zhenya through this whole ordeal. They formed a circle of care and love around him.

We were going to keep him home and let him go to college from home but his counselor told us we needed to let him go that he is ready to make the change now. He is at a school only an hour from here so he knows he can come home if he needs to have a break. Praise God for getting all of us through. Please pray for Zhenya that he will know the love of God and have peace and that he will continue on with no more trauma from his past having any power over him. We said good-bye to him last week and we have to rest with the knowledge that our faithful God, the great father, is in control and is much more capable of taking care of him than we are.We thank God for being the great healer and for keeping all of us wrapped in his arms during difficult times.

Our sweet and faithful Kyle left for college last week and he was by our side the whole summer. God abundantly blessed us with this young man as our son. He returns to visit often so we look forward to each time we see him coming back through the door.

Kenna, although she wasn't home for the summer because she has her own apartment went back to school this week as well. We spent some fun times together this summer. She is such a hard worker and only has one year of school left.

Brett interned for an attorney's office and decided that is not what he wants to do with his life so he is currently looking for a job and is waiting on a job he interviewed with for the Texas legislature and will hear in the next couple of weeks if he got it.

Ryan is at home starting air conditioning/heating school next month.

Karina left this morning so we had to say good-bye for the third time in less than two weeks. She is just a delightful, sweet, loving and caring girl. She came into our room last night threw herself into my arms and sobbed "I don't want to go back to Ukraine". We talked and we cried. She wanted to know after that if she could call her babushka which she does every few days. It must be so hard to be so torn between two worlds.

She and Mark spent the day together yesterday as he has been out of town this past week and the rest of us have been in school. She adores her "daddy" and he took her shopping (this alone will tell you how much he loves her he hates shopping) he said she wouldn't buy anything for herself she just wanted to buy something for "mom". She picked out two cute shirts for me I couldn't have done better myself.

As I saw her off this morning I can only pray for what the future will hold for everyone I have to trust that in the Lord's time his plan will be the perfect one. Everyone knows I am the huggy one in the family. They all tease me mom could lose all her senses and be fine unless it was the sense of touch then she would never make it. Karina has the same nature she must have hugged and kissed me a 100 times this morning assuring me that everything would be OK. I know it will because my father has a plan for all of us greater than anything we could have put together. I just pray in my own heart that his plan includes Karina as our daughter.

My mother gave me this saying one time when I was nurturing a broken heart as a young woman and I have never forgotten it:
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, SET IT FREE. IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU, IT'S YOURS. IF IT DOESN'T, IT NEVER WAS.

Thank you God for being with your children, the ones you have brought to us, and as they leave our home we pray that they go with your peace, and if its your will that all will return to our home.

Karina

2010-08-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

The summer is almost over and I am soon going back to work and our precious Karina will return to Ukraine the end of August. Even though she says she wants to stay on one hand on the other she just can't seem to leave Babushka (grandmother) I should now title my blog Triumphs and Trials which I may later on down the road. As I told you I would I will share the trials later but for now I need to share the times we spent with Karina this summer. There were truly magical moments, she brought such joy and happiness and our bonds grew even deeper.

We were able to do some really fun things but the best was a trip to the mountains that the girls and I took. Unfortunately dad had to work and the other kids couldn't go for various reasons. Some very dear friends of ours (thank you Martha and Glenn) invited us to their mountain retreat for some much needed restoration, rest and relaxation. They spoiled us and it was over a week of horseback riding, bike riding, mountain trails where the most beautiful wild flowers grew (thank you Lord for the beauty of your creations), dinner in little cabin restaurants, jewelry making ( Karina made a lovely necklace for her grandmother), there was country western line dancing run by a young christian couple who were such a shining example to the girls there were people from 8 to 80 doing the boot scoot boogie. They went swimming (not mom, only the Ukrainian princesses could handle that cold water) After all I shiver when it is 90 degrees outside, but they were in their element in the cold mountain air. The girls love their Martha and Glenn, they are like family and they did everything they could to make our stay fantastic. We always try to teach our kids to help and leave a place immaculate when we have been there. I love the girls attitudes as they were so sweet and helpful. I was able to spend a lot of time in the bible with them. We have bible verses we memorize each week and on Sunday night we say them to each other and see who can get them perfect but more importantly how they can be used throughout the week. We been studying 2 Timothy 2:23-24 about quarreling and we were memorizing it. We were walking the trail looking at wild flowers and Julia and Alesa got into a small tiff. Very unusual they hardly ever exchange words. Immediately I used our bible verse and we had a discussion right there on the trail and we never had another quarrel the rest of our trip.

For me one of the most beautiful moments were when we were invited to go to this church in the mountains. The hearts of the people shone like stars in the night sky. They gathered together and worshipped God with complete abandon. That night the Lord wrapped his loving arms around me as I raised my arms to him, and I cried for all the children that need to truly know God and to be healed because of pasts that continue to come back to try and claim them. I asked God to forgive me for the times I have failed him. Right there in that little church I was so close to him and I knew he held me in his loving and forgiving arms. Later after that church we attended another one where the majority of the population were elderly folks. They were singing hymns at the request of members of the congregation. The girls went up and asked if we could sing America the Beautiful. After the service a lady came up to them and said we have been watching you all and you give hope to us for the younger generation and for America. Other than the Lord's approval you can't get a better compliment than one like that from someone with age and wisdom.

Karina finds hearts in every day things we were walking down the mountain trail and she saw this rock in the shape of a heart and wanted to take a picture and give it to me. She also wrote me these notes I will put a picture up but they aren't very good. The first one says:

Hi mom I love you You very good mom You best best forever I very much want to stay in America. (She wrote this by herself)

Next note says:

Thanks mom You hes (has) pretty pedgames (she meant Pajamas) and feis,nails ( fingernails) I love her use of commas) hear (she meant hair) You very butifuol very-very (beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder lol) I love you my littee pony, littee
pony.

I cracked up when I was trying to read and she was slipping these notes to me. Remember if you are thinking of adopting you will never ever have personal space again especially if they are girls. Going to the bathroom alone is a treat. If I am out of the room for more than 5 minutes they come looking for me. "MOM WHERE ARE YOU?" "On the toilet!" "Oh, OK I was looking for you"
No kidding!! Then they wait right outside until I re-emerge. We rarely let them watch TV but if I need to go to the restroom I turn it on and sneak off that usually works.

We are sad about Karina returning this may be the last time we will ever spend with her. I can't talk anymore about it because it makes me sad and she still has two more weeks to be ours. I will share her beautiful nature with you through the pictures. I have to tell you a friend of ours who lives in the same town that Karina's orphanage is in came to visit us for a few days. She was amazed at the transformation of Karina she said she could hardly believe it was the same girl. Karina has a harder edge at the orphanage and has been in some trouble for things. When she came and picked up Tanya's plate from the table for her and was so polite Tanya said it was like seeing a different girl. We saw that side of her when she was with her grandmother, but in order to survive the orphanage she has to have a tougher persona but while she is here she can be the sweet child she is at heart.

Thank you God for the time you have given us!

Explanation

2010-08-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

I have been totally overwhelmed by the responses I have gotten from my last post both on my blog and my private e-mail. I am so amazed I really thought I was only signing off to a few followers. I can't tell you how much you have meant to me since we started this journey. There were more loving friends than I knew who were still following this blog.
I left everything hanging and I realize that since you have been faithful enough to follow all this time I needed to give more of an explanation. First, I ask for your forgiveness for ending so abruptly, and then I ask for your patience for a little while. After I have spent more time in prayer about what to say I will share my heart with you.
God keeps us in his palm and he knows our innermost thoughts. It is because we rest in God's peace and his plan, and because he loves us so much that I can share with you both our triumphs and trials.
Many blessings to all of you ,and as soon as I am able, I will write. Let me sign off now by telling you we have some of the greatest and most supportive kids that any parents could ask for, and we have been abundantly blessed beyond measure.

The End

2010-08-07T15:40:00.001-07:00

I am going to post one last time and my blog will end. Sometimes things don't always turn out as we have planned. We do the best we can and it isn't the path we thought we would be on. There have been some issues that have changed the course of things and wedo not care to discuss them on a blog. In the end it will be what is best for everyone and it is in God's hands.
Karina has had a wonderful summer and we love her deeply and vice versa but she wants to return to her grandmother whom she can not leave. We feel that because of other circumstances that have occurred this summer in our family we needed to put it on hold anyway.
Thanks for the journey and all your prayers.

Summer Time and the Living is Easy...

2010-07-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

We are staying very busy this summer. We just spent 4 days at our friends lake house and we had so much fun. We swam, boated, tubed, and ate way too much. We really want to thank our friends Monica and Houston for their generosity in allowing us to bring all our kids( at least half of the ones who were home) to their lake house for the 4th of July. I just love summer!!

God created the 7th day for rest, and I think he created summer for fun!

HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY JULIA

2010-07-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

You have been an amazing and wonderful daughter! God blessed us beyond measure and our expectations when he brought you to us. We praise him for your life. We also want to thank your mother who gave you birth 14 years ago.

I wish we could have been there to see your first smile, your first step and your first day of school, but we are blessed to be able to see you grow and mature into the beautiful young lady you are becoming. We have seen you accept Christ, we have seen you succeed in feats that you set your heart on doing. We have seen you overcome and accomplish so much. We are so proud of you, and so happy that we can parent you for the rest of your life. Our lives are filled with more joy because of God's love for orphans and a call to find you, your mother that we never knew, and a country that is willing to let their children find a better life.

God bless you always Julia!

She Said Yes!!

2010-06-24T21:52:00.001-07:00

Karina wants us to adopt her and so begins another journey, or in her case I should say continuing journey. I have to tell you when we went three years ago to adopt Alesa and Julia we arrived at the orphanage and the first girl we saw was Karina bolting down the hall like a young colt all legs and a big smile. I remember our facilitator asking her where the directors office was located. As she skipped away I turned around and called out to her "what is your name" her reply "Yulia" (her American name is Karina) and she ran off giggling. For some unfathomable reason she stayed in my thoughts.

A few hours later her friend approached us holding Karinas hand and in broken English said, "my friend wants a family." She said, "she is good girl." I looked into Karina's warm brown eyes and our relationship began. I told Mark it was so sad that one 12 year old girl was literally having to peddle the assets of another. It was so heart wrenching and touched us deeply.

The next day we saw her at an event the orphanage was having for the start of school. There was all this singing and dancing going on and Mark and I looked over at the same time and saw Karina with the saddest expression, it was haunting, she looked so lost in that crowd of cheering and celebration, her expression such a stark contrast to what was going on around her. I picked up my camera and captured her at that moment. We both had the exact same feeling we wanted to take away the sadness that was reflected on her face. We have managed to do that temporarily, but it is our hearts desire to take it away forever.

We all had a wonderful time at Julia's 14th birthday party. Thank you to our friend's Alison and John for lending us their home and pool for the day.

Please pray with us as we start our journey to adopt Karina!

Love You Forever

2010-06-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

We stood at the airport waiting nervously and very excitedly. Would she still be the same girl we knew two years ago, would she be shy, reserved, or maybe cool and distant?

Mark had flown up to NYC to meet the plane from Ukraine and to escort Karina, and a girl who was being hosted by another family back to Austin. Suddenly Karina came around the corner and she started running at full speed towards me. I disregarded the sign that said, no one beyond this point, and I ran for her. We just held on to each other and the tears flowed freely, they were for joy, for the two years lost, and for the sheer relief that this beautiful girl still loves us as much as we love her. We didn't need language to understand that the love and bonding that took place the first time we ever saw her was stronger than ever. She has even refused to be hosted or adopted by any other family, stating we were the only family she would ever go with.

Karina has grown so much, she came up to my nose when she left and now she is taller than I am, I am guessing about 5'8 and very thin. She has dyed her hair a dark red. I don't love the dye thing, but I understand it because in their world it is one of the few things teen girls can change or have any control over. Dye is cheap, clothes are too expensive, so they change hair color.

The teens we have had come to visit us always come with what we call the "orphanage edge" it is hard to explain but there seems to be some hardness and some weariness about their demeanor. The smiles are there, but guarded, the eyes are cautious, as if a shell needs to be taken off. Mark and I always get such joy at peeling the layers away each day. I can only describe it like watching a heavy cloak being removed one layer at a time until you see the child underneath. At this point the smiles become bigger and more spontaneous. You can just see the sadness melt away until they are acting like a child should be, happy, secure, and loved. I can't think of much that gives us more satisfaction than this. I will post pictures soon.

After a few days we sat down with Alesa translating and talked about all that has happened. We explained how we adore her and so much want to come get her. She was very quiet and said little at first. At the end we found out that it is indeed her grandmother she does not want to leave. She is 86 and Karina spent all last summer with her at her home. She said she helped her tend her garden and took care of things. You have to admire her love and loyalty. She told us she would have to speak with her grandmother before she makes a decision.Unfortunately, grandmother can not take care of her and in the end she will end up on the streets when she leaves the orphanage. We let her call her grandmother and grandmother said that Karina would have to talk to her 35 year old brother whom she has only seen a few times and has no connection with. Unfortunately in Ukraine older siblings have to sign a release stating that the children can be adopted even if they never see them or visit them. She mentioned once long ago that she had a brother, but never sees him, and yet he could stand in the way of her adoption.

We need to send for our I-600 to start the adoption process. We have the first step, our homestudy complete, and now we need to start the one that will get all the rest done. We are giving her a few more days to think and process until we have to ask her again because now the closer she gets to 16 each day becomes critical. We can see it in her eyes and heart that she wants so badly to come. Please pray for her that she has a peace about whatever decision she makes. I can only imagine how torn she must be about her love between two families and two countries. If she stays in Ukraine we believe she is making the ultimate decision in self sacrifice. I know that God is in control and that we have to hand this over to him and let his peace reign over everyone.

God knows the future and in this we rest!

Karina is Coming-Karina is Coming

2010-06-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

We are looking forward to Saturday night when Karina will once again be ours for 10 weeks! We wonder after two years what she will look like and how she has changed. Will everyone just pick up where we left off or will we feel like we are getting to know a stranger all over again. Two years is a long time in the life of a teen. I know in the orphanage they have a lot to deal with and sometimes they become hardened. I am praying for the sweet girl that left us two years ago.

We are still praying about her adoption and we have our home-study and our I-600 ready to go. We just need to talk to Karina and spend time with her before we make the plans to adopt her. I decided that I hate asking people for money even if it is for a good cause. We did manage to fundraise a lot of the money for our last adoptions, but honestly it is so difficult to do. It is the hardest part, and so we have decided to put that on hold and let the Lord show us what he wants us to do. We want to spend the summer enjoying our children, not worrying or fundraising to make the adoption happen.

We play musical rooms here in the summer. Alesa has moved in with Lena, Kyle is in Alesa's room, Ryan and Zhenya are sharing a room and Julia and Karina will be sharing a room.

Kenna and Brett will not be home this summer. Brett just got accepted into the business as well as law school and so he will be picking up a double degree. He is about 6 hours from us so we won't see him until the 4th of July. Kenna has her own apartment works hard, and will be going back to school in the fall. Kyle is home for the summer, he is life guarding, and will transferring to a different college in the fall. Ryan has two jobs, he is a camp counselor and is selling Cutco knives, if any one needs knives let me know :) Zhenya is visiting in Dallas right now. We are not sure what he will do in the fall. He has been accepted at several schools. Right now he is doing such serious angst about leaving home that we think we may keep him at home for the first year and have him go to a community college. These kids come with so many holes that you think you can fill, but then you find out that they need more time to be part of a family. We thought he might not be ready to leave yet, and we were right because now he is expressing the desire to stay at home a little longer.

I will post again after Karina arrives and share up-dates and pictures.

Hoping your summer is wonderful. I am praising God for the time I have off to relax and enjoy my family.

For I Know the Plans I Have For You...

2010-05-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

God knows every detail of our lives he has it planned out. Five years ago my husband and I thought we had our children almost raised. The were starting to leave home to begin a future and make their own plans. We were making our plans for the soon to be empty nest, and then one evening a newspaper story changed everything...

A Young Boy's American Dream, was the title, and underneath the title was the sweetest twelve year old boy with big brown eyes. The article went on to talk about the needs of hundreds of thousands of orphans in Russia. How this one child had come here on a hosting program and hadn't found a family who could commit to him. How very much he wanted a family to call his own.

I often wonder about that exact moment when something changes your lives forever! The defining moment when things are set in motion and nothing for you, or for the others who will be sent to you along the way, will ever be the same.

Our path was before us we were going to Russia. We were heading up to the Arctic Circle to bring our son, the one God had chosen for us, home.

He was there at the gate to meet us, it was -50 degrees on the arctic circle that day. He was covered in a black knit cap and coat. I would have recognized that face and those brown eyes anywhere, after all I had spent the last 6 months memorizing them from his picture.

They let him spend the night with us in the hotel, and we made a bed on the floor between our two twin beds for him. All night I lay awake looking at him, he was doing the same, watching both Mark and I. Assessing these strangers who had just entered his world.

Five years later our boy, Zhenya Alexander, graduated and plans to go to college and we couldn't be prouder of him. He has been such a blessing to our family. Zhenya is going to be an engineer he is going to have a wonderful future, all because two people heard God's call, and answered. It has been such a privilege to be allowed to be part of God's plan. Thank you Lord for asking us, for choosing us out of this whole world to be Zhenya's parents.

Zhenya! We have loved watching you grow and change these past five years from a little boy into a wonderful young man. May God guide you as you leave us to begin the next phase of your life. Your dream came true and so did ours...

The Roller Coaster

2010-04-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

It has been a few weeks since I last posted and what a ride we have been on. If you are adopting, thinking of adopting, or supporting someone who is adopting, you are either waiting in line to get on the ride, just buckling in or maybe you are going around the loop upside down wondering when it is going to end. The last few weeks we have been on the hair pin turn wondering when our stomachs will settle back in, and our hearts will slow back down to a steady rhythm, that is, until we hit the next turn. We must really like this roller coaster called adoption because we get off, and get right back in line again.

Karina decided that she could not be adopted because she did not want to leave her 84 year old grandmother. I have a picture I took at the orphanage and I captured a moment that I thought was so beautiful, and maybe that is the day I really fell in love with this girl. It is one of those pictures that stay in your memory. Karina's grandmother had been to visit her, she had ridden 3 or 4 hours on the train to come to the orphanage to spend time with her.

She is a small wizened lady bent over with a limp, the years on her lined faced showing the toll life has taken on her. Her love for this young girl is very obvious. The picture I captured was one of them walking away to put her grandmother on the bus. Their backs were profiled in my lens just for a moment, This was a picture that told a story and I wanted to frame it in my mind. I felt like an intruder on their private, sweet and tender goodbye as they hugged, and yet I couldn't bring myself to turn away. I didn't even know Karina well, but she intrigued me. Her care and tenderness towards her grandmother was in such stark contrast to the sterile orphanage setting.

Karina had her grandmothers satchel in one hand and was tenderly holding the older woman's arm. Karina was so young and fresh, tall and lithe, so full of the beauty, the hope of a future, a story yet to be written. Such a contrast to the old woman beside her bent with age, and who has seen more than she ever cared to. At this moment Mark and I both knew we wanted to be a part of Karina's story we wanted to help write a better future for her than the woman next to her who was having to leave her beloved granddaughter in the orphanage.

Three weeks age she told our facilitator she did not want to be adopted. We both grieved! Why was she throwing away her chance yet again? The we found out her grandmother was still alive, even though they told us she had died. Never believe any stories you hear half of them are untrue, or at the very least wrong information.

We love this girl with all our hearts, her future is grim how can we possibly bear the thoughts of her being all alone and having to find her way. A missionary friend who does a lot of work over in Ukraine met Karina and he said she is so beautiful she will be preyed on as soon as she leaves that orphanage. I held this child in my arms and listened to her sweet breathing as she slept beside me after she had fallen asleep giggling over us trying to talk with each other in sign language. All the girls love to take turns sleeping with me when dad is traveling. It is a special time when we can talk and bond.

Our heads and hearts were reeling. Then we found out why and it made sense. We knew that we had to have her come for the summer. Her director talked to her and explained that grandmother will not live forever and Karina must think about her future. She now has less than a year! She has agreed to come and she told our friend who just saw her that she loves us very much and that we are the family she wants to be with. We are still going to move forward with all the paperwork.

We are so happy she is coming. We have a friend who is Russian and has worked extensively with orphans and all that that entails. We will be able to have some very serious talks with her.

We don't know how we are going to do it all we just have to put our faith in God.

Kyle is doing fine. They were able to induce one of the spasms at the neurologist office, and after extensive tests and checking it looks like they can't find anything wrong. Platelets are back to normal. Praise God!! Thank you for your prayers.

I have been saving the money every week to get Nastia's eye operation. I sent the money off this week with lots of prayers. I will put a picture up of what she looked like before and then hopefully Sveta will send me an after shot. The poor girl has been crossed eyed her whole life she has never been able to see correctly. We just couldn't forget her when we came back even in the midst of all of the other stuff we are trying to do.

I still need to get the puzzle up please bear with me. This has been such a busy time and I don't even have 5 minutes these days but my summer vacation is coming and you will probably all be tired of hearing from me:) I love all of you and praise God for you.

I see the beauty of the Spring but more importantly I see God in every flower or tiny bird that flies by my window.

Draw Me Near

2010-04-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe how much time has flown past since I last posted. We are praising God for many blessings these past few weeks. The first one that we want to shout from the roof tops is our precious Julia gave her heart to her Lord and Saviour last weekend. I told her the angels were dancing and singing in heaven, and that they have been waiting to have that dance since the day God created her in her mothers womb. She really loves to dance so that was a vision that just made her glow. Here is a child born into humble, grief stricken circumstances with what seemed like little hope for her life and now she is a daughter of the King of the universe. I stand in awe...

Lena and I had a wonderful weekend together. We went down to see her friend Elizabeth who was Lena's friend at the orphanage and now has a wonderful family. Several of the children came who had all been adopted and most of them were from the same orphanage. It still gives me chills to look at these children and think where they could have been and where they are now. They were happily running around playing games and just being kids. It was Elizabeth's 16th birthday, had she stayed in Ukraine her days would been numbered, she would have been on the streets in a life filled with challenges that most orphans find daunting, and usually do not succeed in overcoming.

Lena talked to me in English for 3 straight hours on the way there. It was really a time of bonding and it was very special. Unlike our other children, Lena openly speaks of her past. She told me things that made me so sad that sometimes I don't think I can't bear to hear another word. She told me how her mom who had been drinking way too much callously left her at age 6 after she was burnt, and while she begged and cried for her to take her with her, she walked out and she never saw her again. She left her taking only her brother. Then Lena says, I really miss my mom! That kind of love is so amazing to me, how some children can still remain so true to those that have rejected them. As hard and hurtful as that was for me to hear I know that I was seeing Jesus in the broken heart of this beautiful girl. Jesus loves everyone even as they rejected him and continues to love those who still choose to reject him. Lena without realizing it is exhibiting the kind of love God wants all of us to have-unconditional. I do not have unconditional love, but I do try very hard to seek it. I tell our children all the time you need to forgive your parents before you can truly heal. Have you ever tried to forgive someone for a grievance you have against them, that is not an easy task. What if it were an entire life of nothing but hurt inflicted by someone else? Only Jesus can heal those wounds. Today is Good Friday and I thank God for giving up his life so we could have life, and for teaching us the true meaning of forgiveness.

Now I must do a quick up-date on our sweet Karina. We got the puzzle and we are getting really excited about launching it. We haven't even put it up yet and we have already received donations. I have to tell you one is from a dear sweet pastor and his wife whom we were blessed to be in their church when our children were very young. They have spent the past 20 years in service to our Lord in South Africa. This man is one of the most amazing speakers I have ever heard, and with a heart for God that is a joy to behold. I will have to get permission to use his name because if you ever want a speaker that will bless your heart he is the one to do it. I came to know the Lord when we were going to his church and he actually baptized me when I was 9 months pregnant. I think we were both relieved when he was able to get me back up after submerging me :) The second donation came from a very close friend of mine who was my roommate before my husband, back when I was a wild and crazy young woman. She prayed for me many times when I thought my life was hopeless. It is only fitting that the corner and frame pieces of the puzzle, the foundation, so to speak, will have their names on them.

We have to make a decision soon, and as usual it is not easy. We want to bring Karina here for the summer on a hosting program. She can come for the whole summer which would be a joy for all of us. Summers when they are out of school is when lots of bad things can happen. There are lots of idle days and in some places not much supervision. It is very expensive to bring them here on a host program. Our dilemma is we are trying to raise money to adopt her and we don't know how long that will take and we only have now less than a year. If we take the money to bring her we won't be able to go adopt her as soon because it will take longer to raise that much more money. We are going put our faith in the Lord that he will provide at just the right time to bring her home in his time frame. Please pray for us on this decision we want to be wise. Our hearts so long to be with her and vice versa. There is not a day or probably even an hour that goes by that we don't think of her. I know that God is taking care of her while we are apart and he is so much more capable that we are, but still I just want to hold her and see her beautiful smile which lights up a room.

I pray that all of you have a wonderful Easter. Thank you God for the gift of all our children, but more importantly thank you for the gift of your son who came to save us all.

Lesson Learned

2010-03-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

We didn't go anywhere over Spring break, but it has been a very nice week. The girls wanted to go to the beach because I think they felt a little left out that many friends were going somewhere. I put on a CD of sounds of the beach, but I don't think they were impressed. I tried to give them the feeling of being wet when I got a squirt bottle and while the whole family was watching TV, I started squirting everyone. This bottle could shoot 20 feet it was great fun. That got everyone up and chasing everyone else around the house. It became really hysterical when Brett's puppy Ryder got in on the action, and grabbed my bathrobe and was hanging on for dear life as I ran around after Zhenya. It was not quite as funny for me when they wrestled the squirt bottle from me, and even Mark then got in on the action. I ended up soaked and with holes in my bathrobe but it was so worth it.

Yesterday we went to our favorite second hand shop to buy some spring clothes. It is fantastic, they have all these wonderful, expensive if you were to buy them new, girls clothes for 5 and 10 dollars. Lena found a great overnight bag for next to nothing, and she was thrilled, because today she and Julia are going with the youth group on a trip to Dallas.

Oh my, I just have to tell you about Lena and Julia for a moment because sometimes when I am ready to do them both in something great happens. These two have so much in common, they are both very outgoing girls. They laugh a lot, they both love singing and music. They both have the ability at times to be little girls and enjoy the simple things. Yet they seem to hate each other, and it is so frustrating to me.

I am always trying to teach the girls that many hands make light work and to offer to be helpful, even when it isn't our chore. I brought a basket of laundry out the other day and it belonged to Julia. I said, OK everyone lets dig in and get Julia's laundry folded. We all started and Lena stood there. I said, Lena come on and she walked over picked up a piece of laundry held it out like it stunk, dropped it back in the basket and said, "I not help Julia with laundry, she not help me." I said, "oh really, maybe she didn't help with your laundry, but if I recall she helped paint your room all day one Saturday." I said, she made chocolate chips cookies that you will eat tonight. She shrugged her shoulders and refused to help. Now normally defiance is dealt with in a big way here. This time I felt the Lord giving me a peace that said, let this one go we are not done here. The next morning Julia got up first and we talked about giving and giving to Lena because we need to teach her, and the way we do that is by showing her. Julia put away all the dishes that were Lena's chore that morning. She then went in and got Lena's clothes and folded them. After they were folded she put the laundry fairy on top and left them on the table. We talked about how you attract more bees with honey than vinegar, and if she was nasty back it just keeps the cycle going. We talked about how people hated Jesus and he loved them anyway.

When Lena got up she barely acknowleged what had been done for her, that was OK God wasn't done with this lesson.

The next night Julia was in tears she said, I just asked Lena to move the dog gate for me so I could go upstairs because my hands were full. She yelled at me, and told me to do it myself. Mom I just hate her, and no matter what I do it doesn't matter. She then said, can we get Lena and go to your room and talk? I was so impressed because I am usually the one who says lets go talk.

Well, it started off with accusations and tears, the tears on Julia's part. They went back and forth for a while and then they started yelling in Russian. I said, you need to lower your voices, but you can continue. I sat there and said not a word, but at one point I wanted to jump up and say I am finished I can't handle this anymore I am sick of your fighting. I wanted to scream at them and rip my hair out in front of them. Instead, I intervened and quietly said, girls God put you in this family for a reason he brought you safely here, and I expounded on all of it. Then I was quiet, while they continued going at each other. I was just about ready to say, I am done with this you two you are hopeless and leave, but God spoke quietly, Rhonda you need to pray while they argue. Thanks God, couldn't you give me a little quieter venue than these two jibbering in a language I don't even understand. I did not want to pray for them, I wanted to bop their heads together. I am sure God was patiently smiling at me as I wanted to be defiant to him, can't you see this is hopeless I am giving up on these two, and I don't really feel like praying for them right now! But I did what he wanted, and guess what happened, for the first time since Lena arrived I could tell the conversation was taking a turn. I could see the expressions and the voice inflections. I could tell that each girl was pouring her heart out to the other and really talking and sharing all the hurts and slights they had inflicted on each other. Praise God!! This went back and forth until they were both spent, and then they started laughing and sharing. At one point Lena looked over and said, mom you so quiet. I said. Lena I have been praying for you two while you were talking. She said, I know mom, I at the orphanage 8 years it hard for me to learn in family, only other kids, so we fight all time. I learn here, have family loves me, I hear about God at orphanage but I like you talk about God." Then we went on to talk about a bible story. Julia asked, how can I know for sure about Jesus? which led us into a long dicussion about so much and they hung on every word and had many questions. I prayed with them and at the end Julia said, OK group hug!

At the end Julia said, I am so glad we talked I feel a huge pressure has been taken from me. This was an amazing accomplishment these kids come and they can't talk they only solve problems by fighting and being mean to each other. I told them they needed to sleep together last night and they were both very happy to continue their conversation upstairs.

All is peaceful and I praise God for nudging and pushing me to do what I really didn't feel like doing. He knows what is best I just need to listen the first time. How very similar I am to my children I bet sometimes God just shakes his head, but unlike me he never feels things are hopeless and how thankful I am for his guidance and wisdom. Lesson learned-never ever give up unless God is the one who changes your course.

Social Worker Visits

2010-03-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

Our SW came yesterday to do our homestudy and found us fit to adopt child number 5 bringing the total of our children to 9. He interviewed all the kids and found that they were happy and content. He just happened to come on the right day :)

It is pretty funny the stairs empties into our kitchen so while he was sitting at the table interviewing Mark and I, the kids started coming down one by one from upstairs. It took us half an hour to make introductions as they slowly trickled through. Then they were all standing in the kitchen eating- something they do a lot of around here. The dogs were running around, and Brett's puppy decided to try and lay on the the social worker's feet. Welcome to our house!

Lena thought she was so funny, she said she told him, we beat her and we drank a lot. I could see her smirk, and then she said "seriously" which is such a big word for her. Then she broke into laughter. She has a great sense of humor and is getting more comfortable with teasing. She is still not bonded to us the way the others are, and have been from the beginning. Out of all the issues that they can come with this is the hardest one for me to deal with. She hugs but it is more of a duty sort of hug. The girls (and the boys most of the time) never go to bed without hugging us goodnight and they don't leave the house without doing so. Lena will often leave without hugging us. She rarely chooses to sit by us or allows me to hug on her for long. In church she positions herself in the seat that is always the last one away from us. I will make a motion for her to come sit by us and she shakes her head no. Last week was my birthday and the kids all came home and the girls gave me mushy cards that they made or bought. Lena really didn't even acknowlege it, which is so unusual for our adopted children and the children of our friends who have adopted to not be thoughtful of birthdays. She is not naturally thoughtful and that is a huge contrast to the other girls. We are trying to teach her and set an example but so far the progress has been slow.

This week they went with the youth group from our friend's church to help clean windows and homes for the elderly. They also went to serve them dinner. We believe that children should learn early to have servants hearts and that life is not all about them. Some of ours are still learning how to do that because that is not a natural bent for many teens. We are still praying that they make a profession of faith so far the girls have not done so. All in God's timing.

Alesa, Julia and her best friend that have been adopted from the same orphanage are great artists so they are going to be doing some pencil sketches that we are going to put on notecards tied with ribbon and sell them or ask for donations for them that we can post on e-bay or around town. I will get them run off in sets of six. We are trying to come up with a great title, we thought orphans helping an orphan, but the girls are no longer orphans so that won't work. If anyone has any ideas let me know. We want it to be about them also wanting to bring her home because they have been in her shoes. We are also doing a puzzle of Karina it is a 500 piece puzzle of her and we will be asking a $10.00 donation to buy a piece of the puzzle we will write the name of the people on the back and then when she gets home she can see the names of all the people who helped bring her home. If we filled in all 500 pieces that will be 5,000 dollars towards our adoption. We will also have a website that will show the puzzle pieces as they are being filled in.

We are collecting up all our gold jewerly to take in and see how much we can get for it. We are having a garage sale in the summer when we have a little more time. We have to do things right now that are not so time consuming. Maybe some of you can use some of these fundraising ideas. I got some of them from others who are adopting.

God is calling us to go back to Ukraine so we are placing our faith that he will provide for this girl who belongs first and foremost to him. We just feel privileged to have a hand in it. Praising God everyday for calling us to adopt.

A Week to Cheer About

2010-03-13T06:52:00.000-08:00

This has been an incredibly busy week! Now I can sit and breathe quietly and I have a whole week off for Spring Break woo hoo.

People ask me all the time how do you do it with all these kids and a full time job. Well, I don't do it alone I have my sweet husband, but more importantly I have God. Without my great and wonderful father above I can do nothing right for very long.

I am so excited to have this next week off because I can devote time to getting our fund raisers in order for Karina. Speaking of which my friend D just came back from Karina's orphanage and she brought us a picture of her. This was such a gift and she is just as beautiful as ever. She told us that Karina so badly wants us to come and get her. She said she loves us deeply and she doesn't even think Karina would go with another family because she is so bonded to us. To be honest we don't know what to do, there is a part of us that wants to tell her she needs to go with another family if presented the opportunity because what if we can't raise the money we need to go get her. In her loyalty to us if she passed up an opportunity and loses the chance to get out of there and have a great future that would be horrible. Then again at 15 the chance of another family wanting to adopt her is very remote. Please pray for wise decision making on everyones part. This is a silly little thing but you know how you sometimes get glimpses of things for the future. I just have this one little picture that keeps popping up in my head, and it is of me adjusting her wedding veil when she gets married. I haven't had that particular vision for any of my others, just her, isn't that strange? D my friend said she is extremely attached to me and I am to her as well. The first time I ever saw her it was instant bonding and Mark felt the same way.

Kyle is feeling much better thanks for your prayers. He still has to have a test done, and for the life of me I can't think of the name of it right, now but it is basically a brain scan. He also goes back in two weeks to get his blood levels checked again. He has gotten so thin even his brothers were commenting on it and they usually don't notice anything. His appetite has picked back up, so hopefully he will put some weight back on.

Julia announced to me about two weeks ago that she wanted to try out for cheering. I cringed because we are in a big school district where competition is high for a few slots. These children start practicing for cheering by starting gymnastics and cheer camps at about the age of 4 around here. Julia was so far behind I didn't know how to tell her what her odds were. So being very honest I explained the situation. She said she didn't care she was determined to at least try out. She asked me if she could take a class for a week at a local gymnastics center. I didn't want to get her hopes up, but I thought well she will see we are supporting her even though we knew what her odds were of making the squad. The last two weeks I have seen the inner determination of this girl. The whole family and many of her teachers were cheering her on, but I was still planning how I was going to talk to her when she received her rejection letter. We prayed before she went before the NCA judges last night, "dear God be in every movement Julia makes on the floor." She told us she messed up the cart wheel she had just learned while other girls were doing double back flips, but I truly believe the judges saw her heart last night. The policy here is that the girls can't open their letters until they get in the car. We pulled up and she got in with her letter and the cheer sponsors from our school were anxiously waiting to find out if she made it. She had so many people pulling for her. She opened the letter and said, oh my gosh I made it! I took it thinking I hope she didn't read that wrong. Oh me of little faith, when the determination of a young girl and the power of God in even the smallest details of our lives comes together not even the lack of years of training in a gym stopped our Julia from being selected last night to be on next years cheering squad.

I can't help at these moments to think of her stories of her past life that break our hearts. The day she was picked up from her grandmothers house at the age of 6 and put in the man's car from the orphanage and not one person said good bye to her. She looked out the window as they pulled away and she was so sad and scared. At that moment she felt like no one in the world cared about her. Little did she know that a great God had a plan for her life that would take her on a journey to our hearts and our home.

Alesa is running track and has come in last place most of the time, but she stuck with it and she placed second this week. She was so proud of the medal that was hanging around her neck. She worked hard for it.

Lena had a good week too. She had a choir music recital and she is gaining so much confidence. She also made a friend this week at school. Her English is coming very slowly, but she has enough now to make some conversation. We had a meeting with an evaluation team at school. We believe she has some learning disablities. She is on a 1st grade Math level and has not improved much since the beginning of the year. She has problems with short term memory. We are going to take her to get a neurological evaluation done to see if the electrocution she received as a child may have caused some of the learning issues. We also want to have her scarring looked at to see if there is anything that can be done to remove some of the scar tissue on her fingers. She has a huge scar on abdomen that is larger than a dinner plate and the Ukrainian and American doctors can't figure out what may have caused it. Maybe the exit point of the electricity since she has almost no muscle tone in that area. We didn't get all this done when she first got her because we figured we would give her 6 months or so to adjust before we started the intensive physical evaluations.

The kids are all home from school for break, and oh how we love a house full. They even brought their dogs with them, and one of them is a puppy he is so cute. We laugh as we see Brett cleaning up after his "child" he says he has an appreciation for parenting now:) Little does he know!

It is Spring and beautiful outside, my family is home and life is good. Thank you God for new beginnings. Everyday as we see the healing and the happiness of our adopted babies we thank you for giving them new beginnings and for giving us yet another life to nuture and bloom.

All about Karina

2010-03-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

This is our new blog dedicated to trying to go and bring Karina home. She loves pink so this is the reason I have changed the colors.

We are officially kicking off our fund raising efforts. We are starting off by planning several fund raisers. I know this is the hardest part of adoption asking for money I really hate it. Everyone is asked to donate to so much and everyones resources are limited. We couldn't do it otherwise so we just pray about it and let God do the rest. Please pray with us as we step out in faith to raise the money to bring this deserving girl home.

Let me give you a little background on Karina. We met her when we went to adopt our other girls. The director would not allow us to adopt her at that time. We then had her come and spend Christmas with us. She came again the following summer. We made plans to adopt her. I will not go into all the details of why we could not adopt her at that time. I will say it is all in God's timing, she had a grandmother that she loved very much and was able to spend much of last summer with her, which wouldn't have happened if we had adopted her. Lena had only two months to go before she aged out of the orphanage and God put her on our hearts when Karina was not ready to make a commitment. If it his will now two girls will have a home instead of only one.

Her grandmother died recently and now she is ready to come and be part of our family. She has no one, not one other living family member. She will be 15 next week and we have one year to get her out before she turns 16. At the age of 16 she will be on her own and what happens when these kids are put out on the streets is something I can not bear to think about in relation to Karina, or any child for that matter.

My friend is at her orphanage adopting now and said Karina loves us so much and is hoping that we come for her. We gave her a Russian/English bible when she was here so I hope that she has been reading it.

I have contacted our SW and he is going to come the week after next to do an up-date on our homestudy. We really are not looking forward to starting all this again but we know the treasure at the end will be worth it.

Come along with us on our new adventure! I will of course still be giving up-dates on how the rest of our bunch is doing. Speaking of that, Kyle's blood count is back up a little and he is feeling better. He has an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow because they are running more tests because his liver and spleen were swollen. He goes back in 2 weeks for more blood work and they are hoping things will appear normal again. Thank you for your prayers I just know God is listening.

Praise God from whom all blessings fall. We have been so blessed beyond measure.

It Is Snowing!!

2010-02-23T06:51:00.000-08:00

For some of you this may be an everyday thing, but for those of us who live in Texas especially the parts that never get snow, this is a big deal. It is a really big deal for our Ruskie and Ukie kids! It brings to mind another time, another life and memories I am sure.

I am home sick from work watching huge snowflakes descend on the landscape. It mesmerizes me as I see them coming down faster and faster. Each one so unique, although, unless you look at them under a mircoscope you can't really see the beauty of each flake individually, it is only when they are all one that you can truly appreciate the magnificent winter portrait that together they create.

This is what I tell my kids you are individually and wonderfully created, each one different from the rest, but it is only when you join together that you can truly do Gods work. Alone we are just that, unique individuals, but look at the tapestry that can be created if we work together.

We as a family are constantly working our tapestry. Sometimes we all weave together and sometimes the threads unravel and we have to redo. There are times when someone is making a beautiful pattern and others are weaving sloppily or not at all. The one thing that is clear it is always a work in the making. If we let God the master weaver guide our hands we will create something so much more significant than if we go it alone.

I will put some pictures on here later of our 4 youngest babies Zhenya, Alesa, Lena and Julia when they came home from school playing in the snow. They had so much fun! When they were done I had hot chocolate and a roaring fire waiting for them.

Kyle is doing better, they suspect mono, but they said it is not acting like mono so they want to run some more blood tests this week. Please keep praying for him.

In the past few months I have had several people ask me about the guarantees of success of adopting older children. I am going to share what we have learned take what you want and leave the rest.

First question would we do it again? Yes, yes, and yes! In fact we are wanting to do it again, and it hasn't all been easy but the rewards as in any endeavor worth doing has far outweighed the negatives.

What has worked for us? Let me share some thoughts with you.

If you are considering adopting an older child I would first examine yourself.

Are you adopting an older child because you want to save someone?

Are you adopting because you want to give to someone, but because they are older you naturally expect to receive gratitude in return.

Are you adopting hoping to receive a loving, smart, obedient, child or at the least to create a loving child?

Even if they aren't all those things are you hoping when you get them they will want to turn it around when they see how much you love them.

Do you build these children up in your mind beyond expectations that they can not meet?

Are you adopting because God has made your path very clear?

Are you adopting because you have so much love, time and patience to give or maybe you have only some and you want to share what you do have.

Do you ask yourself can we really do this and can we love an older child?

I ask these questions because they really are all OK to think, feel and wonder. We had some if not all of those thoughts, especially in our early adoptions. Let's be honest, unconditional love is hard. God can give it. I on the other hand do not have unconditional love. I try, but oh my, I fall so short!

Now let me give you our experiences and answers to what we have found.

Only God truly saves people through the blood of Jesus Christ. In this temporal home on earth what you will save these kids from is a possible/most likely life on the streets. You can give them the chance at a future they will probably never know in their home countries. You will give them a family they would never have had otherwise.

The giving part of adoption is so wonderful and fun. There is the joy of buying new clothes, or fixing up their room or buying the games they never had. There is the joy of just hugging and laughing on the couch. There is the contentment of creating mealtime together and teaching them about family. They are old enough to express gratitude and many times they do. Each child is different and not all express thanks in fact there are times when they seem to expect it. This becomes our job to teach them thankfulness. I have even thought, how can you be so ungrateful after all we have done? Then I have to think about how many times God could have thought that about me. Did I mention that through our adoptions I have learned so much about the goodness in my heart, but even more about the selfishness of my heart. Gratitude will be there just don't expect it to happen all the time. After all do we always show the Lord how grateful we are each day. Somedays I am just a spoiled child and I am too focused on my own needs to be as thankful as I should be.

Adopted children like biological children come with your perceived expectations and then reality comes right along behind them. I remember with each one of our biological children I would touch my rather large stomach and dream about what each baby would be like. I can assure you I never thought they would be learning challenged or just a pain in the patootee somedays, I never envisioned them back talking me. I mean I knew it could happen, but while I was dreaming about that particular child I had only good thoughts. When we saw the pictures of our first adopted children I just knew they were wonderful. In fact I even heard stories about how good, or smart or talented they were. The reality was they were some of these things, but they also brought the reality with them. They probably also had a reality check when they met us. They may have envisioned a beautiful, young, hip, talented mom who could run circles around, Leave it to Beavers mom and instead.. well just leave it at that :)

Love does wonders and I am not going to elaborate too much here. A family and love does not necessarily create change overnight it takes time. These children have been through a lot, give it time. I have wanted to give up a time or two trust me, but reach out to God, family, friends, a blog, it is OK to vent just make sure the people you vent to are not judgemental. I have not figured out why but believe it or not some people get satisfaction if they see you having trouble or failing. Find support with those who will understand.

Besides our bio children there is not one thing I have done in my life that has given me more joy and satisfaction than our adopted children. If you are being called do not hesistate you will grow, learn, love and yes be challenged, but it is all worth it and has truly been a blessing and a privilege.

I will give you what we consider some of our tried and true techniques that have worked for us most of the time. Each family is different this is just what works for us.

You will not bring home a 13/14 year old you will in actuality be bringing home about a 8-10 year old give or take a year or so. Some of the differences will be, how long they were with a family or in an orphanage. Their bodies wil tell you they are a teenager do not let that fool you. They are not the typical American teen and there are many good things about that fact.

We believe that the first thing that has to happen is that our kids have one job and that is learning to bond with us and the family. Therefore we do not encourage outside friendships at first. This usually takes care of itself because of the language barrier. As parents we naturally want them to find friends and have friendships. Think about it they have had plenty of peer influence at the orphanage and nothing but friends, they have not had a family, nor in most cases do they understand how a family functions or how to fit in to the family. We do not want friendships to become their source of bonding at this point. We had this issue with Lena, she came here completely focused on renewing ties with kids who lived near us who had been at her orphanage and as a result that was her only focus. We cut the ties off almost immediately when we saw what was happening. She then turned to school for friends and when that didn't work out she finally filled her need to bond with her family.

In the beginning we allow few if any spend the nights. We tried it and each time it turned out to be a bad decision. They come home distant and cranky so now it is a treat and only happens once in awhile.

We did not let them have cell phones upon arrival. It took Alesa over two years to get one and we finally got her one to keep up with her in sports . She has since lost the privilege of having it after only having it for 3 months. She can earn it back and hopefully will be more careful next time. Something about putting a cell phone in her hand just made her feel she was didn't quite have to listen to us. She is a wonderful girl and daughter but she is testing the waters a bit and that is OK because she is learning while she is at home where mom and dad are a support and safety net.

Facebook was not a good idea for ours, and they will never have one again. I didn't want them to have one to start with, but while we were gone to Ukraine to get Lena our oldest son set Alesa and Julia up with one. They were so excited and he was so proud of their bonding moment, that against my better judgement, I didn't have the heart to tell them to shut them down. Lets just say Julia made a video and sent it out into cyber space it was cute but nonetheless I didn't want that floating out there for who knows. Alesa misused hers by writing a letter to a boy who is three years older and her brothers friend, she had only met him once, she wrote this letter to him proclaiming her undying love forever and ever. A ten year old could have written the letter such was the social nuances of the content. I can not stress enough do not assume because they are teen agers that they understand how to function socially or can function socially until you have spent a lot of time teaching them.

Make-up is not allowed when they get here. The reason is because they want to glob it on. They can not wear any make-up until they are 15 and then only some mascara by that time they are grateful to wear anything and they are careful about not putting too much. It helps that they have older brothers who do not like a lot of make-up on girls and have no problem expressing their opinion.

We have found going with the less and stricter route especially in the beginning works better. Even to this day we find there are social skills that we expect older kids to have that some of ours still do not understand.

As I said everyone is different, every family is different, each child is unique and we are always learning. I pray everyday that God allows us the opportunity to bring Karina home to begin weaving her own pattern into the fabric of our family.

Growing Pains

2010-02-09T21:42:00.000-08:00

I often think of how we cry when our children are hurting and then I think of all the children God loves and how he must weep with us when we our hearts are breaking.

This has been a rough couple of weeks and there has been a lot of pain and tears.

Kyle our 20 year old called and his friends at school had taken him to the emergency room where they had him on an IV and oxygen because he had this issue where his limbs lock up and his heart rate accelerates. This happened last summer and they told us it was because he had a high fever which caused him to start hyperventilating and it causes these muscle spasms. This time it happened again, but they can't figure out what is wrong. We went to get him from college and bring him home for a week to take him in to see a specialist. They are very concerned his white blood count is low and he has a deep chest cough along with headaches, fever and sore throat. He is tired all the time and has lost his appetite. He was sent to an onocologist for blood work, had a cat scan done on his liver and spleen and we are now waiting on the test results and hoping to hear something soon. He will see a neurologist next week. Please pray with us for our son to get well, and all of this to be just a passing infection. I am worried, but I know that I must put this in God's hands. Sometimes the internet is wonderful, but there are other times when it isn't. I went and looked up all the symptoms and what a low white blood count could mean and now I am more worried,but God tells us to cast all our worries on him and so I shall as I pray for healing for Kyle.

I am going to trust that God is in control and thank him that he loves us and will take care of us no matter what. Kyle is an amazing young man and much beloved by the whole family for his caring nature and sense of humor. He is our child who would sit outside and wait patiently still for an hour with birdseed in his outstretched hand hoping the birds would eventually land. Seeing him ill is just so hard especially with so many questions.

Lena came to my room last week and wanted to talk. She told me she is very lonely she has no friends at school and she eats lunch alone, she was crying and I just hugged her. I wanted to give her comfort, but I can't be the school friend she needs right now. Alesa has many friends and told her it will get better when she speaks more English, she knows this but it doesn't make it any less painful for the moment.

Alesa is going through some things right now that I truly believe God is using to bring her closer to him. She is learning who is important, who isn't and that disobedience comes at a great price. Amazingly enough she is the quietest and most helpful child and also the most passively agressive defiant one especially lately since she found her niche at school. For those who homeschool or have your kids in christian school you are very blessed there are always issues, but at least you can shield them some what from the secular influence until you have them firmly grounded. I know God is using this to light a fire under me to start a good devotional with the girls and also to get Alesa into that Wed night girls bible study that just started. Sometimes I come home tired from work and by the time we get dinner and homework done I put off the devotional and think we will start it tomorrow, but God is saying Rhonda the time is now! A dear friend of mine brought me a girl's devotional, isn't that perfect timing. I hear you Lord and thank you for giving me the time I will need.

Alesa lost the privilege of being on the dance team at school because of disobedience to us. She is devastated and had to go in and face her teacher. She cried and pleaded but we had set up some very clear parameters the last time she defied us and one of them was losing the dance team. This did open some great conversations about actions and consequences and how God disciplines those he loves. This behavior has been such a contradiction in who she is. As I have said before you really don't miss any of the stages by adopting an older child Alesa is now going through the two year old " I am going to defy you to see how far I can push you stage" She has had a rough time, and in addition to that she borrowed a friends I-pod at school left it in the gym and it got stolen. She got in the car after school and wanted to know if I would give her the money to pay her friend back. No mam, you will pay her back a little at a time by working extra chores and I hope the both of you learned a lesson on lending and borrowing.

Our adoption of Karina seems still just an image that hasn't come into focus. I have been sick with a cold and kidney infection and don't have the extra emotional energy to think about it. Mark is taking on extra responsibilty at work and is gone for more training. With Kyle sick and the past two weeks that we have had I never got back with the SW to schedule an appointment. We really want to do it just seems there are insurmountable odds right now.

Our gym time came to a grinding halt with all the sickness. I did manage to start the devotional with the girls. They seem to like it and we are all practicing the verse from Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience... We can really use it right now especially the patience part.

Now before I leave off I must mix in the joy with the bitter because it so sweetened our life last week. I would be remiss if I did not mention Valentines day. I was in the planning stages of doing something special for Valentines. Well, our daughters started planning something so wonderful for Mark and I that I decided to step back and receive rather than give on this one.

I will post pictures sometime, but they won't do it justice. Julia spent all week learning to make fondant off of U-tube to plan this cake. I hope I can say this without seeming to favor or highlight one of our children because we love them all equally and they all have their gifts, but Julia has the gift of love, joy and giving wrapped up. She planned this entire evening that she kept calling, "A table for two" with her sisters as her helpers and they were quite delighted as the helpers because Julia is a natural born creative doer and Alesa and Lena are followers. I too am a good follower and love that position, however Julia is defintely a chief which sometimes we have to channel a bit.

Our son Kyle was home sick and watched the whole process and said it was a production like nothing he has seen. He said Julia was the ultimate party planner. She was eyeing several different things at once, the decorating, the cooking and making suggestions here and there. The two older girls would ask her what she thought of this or that and what she wanted them to do next.

They all have their roles they have established and seem content with them. Alesa likes being the quiet helper always there to lend a hand where ever needed, very consistent. Julia loves the creativity of cooking. Lena doesn't seem to enjoy cooking so much but seems to like the clean up. she gets satisfaction out of organizing and putting away. Julia loves creating messes but isn't too enthuiastic about clean up or putting away so they really compliment each other.

They made Mark and I leave so we met downtown for lunch with Brett, his girlfriend and Kenna. That was such a sweet time getting to visit with our oldest two kids. We were celebrating because Brett got his first two acceptance letters to law school. One is for South Texas and the other for LSU. He was thinking of going out of state, but his sweet girlfriend has another year of engineering school left to finish and we guess he may be thinking staying in Texas would be a good idea:)

When we came home there was a sign on our bedroom door that read in bold letters, DO NOT COME IN !!!!!! Finally, at last it was announced that THE TABLE FOR TWO was awaiting. We were ushered into what I can only describe as a fairy land done in hearts, satin, tulle, twinkling lights and candles everywhere with a table for two that was visually and lusciously decorated. I didn't even think we were in our bedroom, but rather an elegant romantic restaurant somewhere. All the material had been pulled out of the attic from past parties from when the kids were little or when we used to entertain occassionally.

Julia had asked for our debit card earlier in the day and gone and bought groceries. Everything was a surprise. Upon entering we were presented with homemade chocolate covered strawberries on a crystal platter. The first course was jumbo shrimp seasoned in some type of cajun spice. The next course was a salad beautifully prepared by Alesa. Then Julia and Lena came in with the main course which were steaks that Julia had prepared on the grill and potatoes that had been mixed with some garlic and other spices to delight the senses. They were playing like waitresses, and then they said, "we will leave you now for your evening of love" and they exited the room. Mark and I spent a delightful time talking together and marveling over the creativity and thought that had gone into the preparation of that night.

About an hour later there was a knock on the door and all three girls came in and presented two gorgeous cakes. They were in the shape of a heart and had pink fondant frosting. One was a strawberry layer cake and had a big bow on it made out of fondant. It had to have stuffing for this bow to make the puff and we didn't have any so Julia put a little slit in one of her teddy bears and pulled out some stuffing to use because, "mom they showed stuffing on the U-tube video for the bow and it was the only thing I could think of." The other cake was chocolate and had written on it "loved you once, loved you twice, we will love you all of our lives"

God is unconditional love. He gave us love so we could give it back to him and so it would fill our homes, our hearts, and our lives. We don't need Valentines day to show us how to love we have the greatest teacher of all. Thank you God for your love, for the love of my husband, our children, and our friends.

A Week in the LIfe

2010-02-06T05:33:00.000-08:00

Lena got her own room last weekend and she was so excited. Ryan and Zhenya are sharing a room now. They are hardly ever in their rooms so we decided it was better for Lena to have her space since she would use it much more than Ryan.

We are also trying to get Ryan to "launch" into his future which he has seemed reluctant to do so we figured we might make home a little less comfortable. We are trying a modified version of tough love. He is a good kid but everyday he has a new plan, but nothing seems to come of it, and he just idles in neutral. He graduated high school early and hasn't done much since. We have refused to help him with a car unless he gets a job, we told him we would transport him until we see some motivation on his part. We have also taken his phone away hoping something will jump start him. He has been getting more prayer time lately than the others. One thing about having a large family it is never dull. You get one in a good place and someone else pops up to the top of the "sending up extra prayers for this one this week Lord" I am just glad we don't have a quota or we would have it all used up by now.

Kenna always wanted to be a doctor, then decided she didn't want to do that and took a year off from college to work and figure out what she wanted to do. She has gone back to school and has found her career path and she is so excited. She has switched her major to Primatology, the study of non-human primates. She is so thrilled because her university is one of the only ones in the nation that has a "body farm" where she can learn about primate anatomy first hand. I was thinking it would be nice if one of our kids would major in something like dermatology, plastic surgery, hair dressing, something that would benefit us after all these years of sacrafice, but can't think of how this one can help us so I guess we will have to wait for the next one :)

We had a girls painting party last weekend and it was so fun. The boys were all away and we decided to put some color in Lena's room.We went and chose all our colors and came home and cranked up our christian radio station and got to work. She loves purple so we painted her room lavender. I had an old headboard in the attic that was a rusty brown iron color. We pulled that out and while Lena, Alesa and Julia were painting the room I spray painted the bed black and then silver leafed over that and it turned out really nice. We got her a really pretty dark purple and black comforter and a lamp that we decorated with sparkly flowers. We found a cheap bookcase at Walmart and she decorated it with all her knick knacks. Alesa and I found a dresser for $10.00 one time at Goodwill and Alesa has been using it but we decided since it was so cheap that we would spray paint it black and put some really cool silver knobs on it for Lena's room. I love doing stuff with these girls they are so creative and we love bargain hunting together. After we were done we surveyed our handiwork and declared it beautiful. Lena is beside herself with happiness. She is very neat too and her closet would pass the toughest military inspection. Our next project will be Alesa's room. She has never been able to make up her mind what color she wants. Alesa and Lena are very different and I expect their rooms will reflect that. Alesa is very understated and elegant in everything she does where Lena has the more modern contemporary flair. Lena is purple and black, and Alesa is thinking soft rich warm vanilla with some very light accents. Julia is artistic and a combination of both.

Speaking of Julia she was selected student of the month and her science brochure project was chosen as a first place winner in her class. She won a gift card from Walmart. Now if I can just convince her not to buy me a present with it but to get something for herself. Everytime she gets money she wants to buy me something. I don't tell you about her accomplishments to brag (ok well maybe alittle) but more to show how much she has overcome in her short life. This always brings tears to my eyes when I stop and reflect how far they have all come.

Alesa and Julia are so thoughtful of me that sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with emotion. I got up the other morning and Alesa had put out my cereal, she had squeezed me a fresh glass of grapefruit juice and had my place all set and pulled out my chair for me. I think I will do something special for Valentines for them. I love parties and when the other kids were small I used to have little parties until the boys told me they didn't like candlelight dinners anymore :) Mark will not be home on Valentines evening he has to work so we will celebrate the next night. I think I will do a kids "love you so much" night Saturday night and decorate with hearts and all pink and red just to show them how much I love them. The boys will opt out I am sure but maybe Kenna can come home and we can do a girly valentine party, wouldn't that be fun?

The other night Lena came down the stairs with her pajamas on and a jacket she had bought when she first got here. It was so tight she couldn't even button it. She was laughing and saying "mom America make me fat" I cracked up, I said, "honey I don't think its America I think it is the bread, pasta and the 6 bananas a day that are shrinking that jacket."

We started working out at our recreation center. When I went to put Lena on our card the other day the lady said, WOW you have a big family you are certainly getting your money's worth out of this family pass." I said, "I know when we got the membership we decided we needed to add more kids to make it worth it." Sometimes you just have to make a joke about the family size. I walk the track, dad runs the track and lifts weights, and the girls work out in the training room. The boys use it too but they go on their own time. It has become a family affair.

Still praying feverantly about Karina and asking God to help us make this possible. This really would be the last one. SW is going to come up-date our homestudy over the next few weeks. I have to be honest I am really trying to get the mo-jo to start this process again. It is so emotional and time consuming with all the paper work and then worrying about how to fiance it. I really thought we were done but maybe God wasn't done. If he is calling us to go back then we need to find a way to make this happen. Alesa went and spent the day working in the Special Olympics if her dad and I were younger we would love to adopt one from Reeces Rainbow. If you haven't had a chance to go to that website you should you will fall in love a hundred times over.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl all our children will be coming home except Brett who is about 6 hours away. He will come home on Valentines to visit us and see his girlfriend who is in school about an hour from here. Everyone wants to be here tomorrow because Dad makes his special chili and no one wants to miss out on that!

God already knows who will win the game so I wonder if he watches it?

Ukraine is Calling Again-Literally

2010-01-30T07:28:00.000-08:00

We want to go back one more time. We left pieces of our hearts there and we must find a way to return somehow.

Let me give you a little background information. When we adopted our two girls we met another girl that we tried to adopt at the same time. Unfortunately, the director would not approve three and we could not do it. So we hosted this girl we call Karina, we hosted her three weeks one Christmas, and two months one summer. We had every intention of adopting her but there were roadblocks that made adopting her at that time something we could not complete. I would prefer not to go into all the reasons why because there were many as there always is with international adoptions. In the meantime God gave us peace about it and brought Lena to our attention in a mighty way and one that we could not ignore. We praise him for Lena and for her laughter that lights up our lives.

We both prayed for Karina everyday and then she got a letter to us a few weeks ago and it broke our hearts. We don't know how we are going to do it but we feel if God wants us to go back we are willing. So if anyone has any good fund raising ideas we would definitely be interested. We have the room, the time and the heart, but like most people we just don't have 20,000 dollars laying around. We did fund raising for our last adoption and raised over half of our money. This time we would have to fundraise most of it. Please pray for us and for Karina she is going to be 15 in March and we very much want to make her part of our family we have a year to get her out before she turns 16.

The girls are fine with it we all cried after we got her letter. They have soft hearts even though after they got here initially Alesa and Julia really didn't want us to adopt any more. They have seen the benefits of having a big family, the more love to pass around. Lena is most enthuiastic about it maybe because she knows how close she came to aging out. She only had less than 3 months when we adopted her before it would have been too late and eventually she would have ended up on the streets and worse.

Our blog will now become focused on getting Karina home.

I have to end by telling you a funny story. I still marvel at the things that amaze our teens and that our other kids took for granted. We were cooking (in case you can't tell we do a lot of that and our kitchen is the center of activity) well Zhenya, Alesa, Lena and Julia were all milling about when I pulled out the food processor which I do not use much at all because I use a hand chopper. I put the carrots in and turned it on, and I wish I could have captured the look of wonder on their faces. Here I have this big muscular 18 year old lining up to take his turn at pulsing the carrots. I look over from where I am stirring something at the stove and they are all gathered around this thing like a space ship just landed and they are ohhing and ahhing with each turn of the blade. It would have made a precious picture, but I don't know if it could have captured the pure unadulterated joy of wonder and amazement on their precious faces. It however will be forever etched in my memory and it reinforces all the reasons why we have adopted four teens and want to go for one more. Any of you out there thinking about doing older ones trust me you still get so many baby, toddler and beyond moments.

Some are not so funny like when our trash can had a terrible smell so I told the kids to wipe it out and spray Lysol down in the can. I heard Zhenya in his heavy accent yelling "Alesa stop, stop now" several times. I go in the kitchen and there is my 16 year old daughter with all the food sitting out spraying everything including her brother and giggling like it was the funniest thing in the world. She did not understand why I didn't laugh!

There are many moments when I do laugh and probably not as often as I should. I can't wait to meet God face to face I know that he is going to have a wonderful sense of humor I mean after all who gave us the gift of laughter.

Listen to the Laughter

2010-01-17T07:07:00.000-08:00

All the college kids have returned to their institutions of higher learning and the the activity at our house has calmed considerably, and so has the food bill. Although we still have 5 at home it is amazing how quiet it seems. Doesn't mean the older 3 were noisy it just leaves a hole where there was a full presence. We have one more starting school here, we hope in another few weeks, but he may be living at home while he is still trying to find his path. Ryan thinks he wants to be an air/heating repairman. We are encouraging him to find a connection to his future. He graduated high school early because he never cared for school and thinks he wants to go to technical school. At this point his dad and I just want him to do something because he is in neutral mode.

Lena is still doing great! Hers was definitely a change of heart and not just a step forward, big difference. She called her teacher/caretaker at the orphanage this morning. We usually allow the kids to call back to their teachers once a month or so after they arrive. Zhenya tried after we got here and sadly enough someone at the orphanage kept hanging up on him and told him to quit calling, so he did. Alesa and Julia called back to Ukraine often when they first arrived, but then over time they called less and less, and now I am the one encouraging the phone calls. These teachers really do care for them and some of the teachers/caretakers do as much as they can for these orphans on their meager salaries. I thank God for these people. They took care of, and taught our children while they were waiting for God to make us aware that we had children in faraway places that we needed to bring home. We have not allowed Lena to call until now because we knew she was not in a good place so we didn't even tell her there was an option of calling. This morning when she called she was all bubbly about how much she loves being here and how much she loves her family.

I got up the other morning and Lena is dancing around the kitchen singing and giggling up a storm. She gets tickled very easily and sometimes we are not even sure at what. Kenna our oldest daughter really bonded with the girls on this visit home. She said when Lena gets her English down she is going to be really funny, Kenna thinks she is funny now and she can't even understand most of what Lena is saying.

The girls all get along well now and Lena and Julia have buried the hatchet.

I came home from work tired the other day and went in to have a few moments of quiet time. When I came out the girls had made dinner. Julia had cooked chicken all by herself on the grill, and seasoned it to perfection, some of the best chicken I have ever eaten. Alesa made wonderful garlic mashed potatoes and Lena did a beautiful salad. They had the table all set and proudly escorted me to my chair. I have been teaching them how to cook and they are learning well. Although, Lena complained that she is getting fat from too much good American food. I said, "well, honey welcome to the crowd." as we all munched on the cookies they made:)

I bought them each their own little recipe boxes so they can write down their favorite recipes so by the time they leave home they will have it filled with things they love. Every so often I will put a special note to them on a recipe card, a bible verse or a thought, and insert it in their box. I hope someday it will be a special memory of our time learning together in the kitchen.

They are so helpful and it sure makes my life much easier. We have chore time on Saturday and all 5 have chores to do. The girls never ever complain but the two boys moan and groan so I just give them more chores until they learn to do them with a humble spirit. I wish I could say it is working but it's not they still complain every week. Our house is shiny as a new penny when we are done.

They are all very neat. Julia wasn't when she got here, but the older kids are all organized and orderly and we all stayed on her and she is finally learning. We have to love her, she is our little air head who used to be a mess in the making. She is creative but when she finished a project it looked like a tornado had gone through and Julia was no where to be found. She thought the floor and table were where all jackets, sweaters, toys and books belonged.

Our church does mission trips to Mexico where we are building a small church for a wonderful pastor with little resources. They also have an orphanage with many disabled children. They did a presentation on Sunday and immediately the girls said, "can we go to help these people, please." Zhenya doesn't have a spiritual connection at all but we are thinking of having all of them go this summer maybe he will see God working there. The girls are seeking out the Lord more and more often. I have the best intentions of starting a bible devotion time with them but we haven't done it yet. We pray together but we haven't done a book devotion which is high on my priority list to start. Julia loves the bible stories and Alesa loves christian music. Lena is still in the look and see stage.

Lena, Julia and I are trying to learn to play the piano from computer. Zhenya taught himself guitar this way. We just started but I am not sure how long we can stumble along before we have to find a teacher. I think Zhenya was either more talented or more tenacious. I told them they can not do both voice and piano they have to choose so they will continue voice until we decide to find a real teacher of piano.

I need to go I must spend some quiet time with my Lord. What a privilege to be able to spend time with one who loves me so much, even on the nights when I am asleep before we have completed our talk together. How comforting to know he will stay with me through the night and be waiting when I wake tomorrow morning.

AND THE WALLS CAME TUMBLING DOWN...

2010-01-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

There comes a time when the last drop makes the cup run over. An extra drop makes it all start to flow over and it seems once it starts it can not stop. The walls of one 16 year old very hurt and confused girl have come a tumbling down. They have come down not in a little way, not in a small way, but in a very HUGE way. Who knows the exact defining moment this happens. Perhaps there are microscopic cracks happening all along that are invisible to the naked eye, and then one day it all comes apart and leaves the diamond underneath shining in full glory.

The walls that had been hiding the true heart and soul of our Lena are gone. Praise God for his faithfulness! I know how this happened and at the end I will tell you. In the meantime here are a few things that started or rather completed the fall of the wall:

I was close to giving up and told her as much. I didn't know where else to turn even though I know it takes time and even though it hadn't been my husbands "give it the 6 month grace period" I was frustrated and tired. So little movement, so much effort. Several weeks ago I communicated with her, and I must say in not a very patient way, that we could not do all the giving. I was crying, she was pouting. I hugged her and she pouted. I said, Lena are we the family you want because I don't know anymore and I walked out.

Christmas morning I went up because she wouldn't come down because she was pouting about something ( pouting is something they learn well at the orphanage), she told the girls she wasn't coming down she didn't want our Christmas presents. It was only God's grace that made me walk over sit down beside her put my arms around her and say, Lena we want you to come down stairs and be part of the family. This is your first Christmas come celebrate it with us.

She came down stairs and her piano was sitting there with a big red bow on it she loves music and she was speechless. "All mine" her eyes quizzed us and we nodded, yes all yours. Later she came and told me she had only learned a few songs in Ukraine so she didn't know how to play. I told her we were going to give her lessons and she said, Yes?? I said, yes, and as if she couldn't believe it, again- yes? Yes, Lena darling you will get lessons and she threw her arms around her dad and I and hugged us.

I am a very busy mom and have good intentions but sometimes don't get to them as quickly as I would like. I have taken lots of pictures of Lena, but unfortunately I have not framed any and set them out in the house. It was not just her that didn't have a picture up I needed to frame several of the kids current pictures. Had I known what an impact putting a picture up would have made I would have done it sooner. Lena was showing everyone her picture on the bookcase. It was a big deal!

Maybe it was the eclairs that helped the cracks grow. She has always helped us cook by cleaning and chopping she didn't want to do more than that and I haven't pushed it. We needed a desert so both Julia and Alesa volunteered. I decided to let both of them choose a desert to make and then asked Lena if she would like to make one. I gave her a book with pictures and she chose eclairs. We had a cooking afternoon and Lena wanted to do it all alone with minimal help. It was quite fun we had three different cooks working and I was the straw boss. All the desserts came out beautifully. Lena was as proud as she could be of her eclairs she put them on the counter top for all to see and smiled all day.

Her wonderful friend Elizabeth who was also adopted from her orphanage came for a visit. Lena didn't do her usual thing when friends are around which is to ignore family and be in a foul mood when they leave. She went overnight to Elizabeth's grandmothers house and on her own asked Elizabeth if she could call me. She called and said, "mom I love you." The few times she has been away before she acted like we didn't exist, even after she returned. Just a side note we are not big proponents of spend the nights, and especially for newly adopted children. Lena has a few friends from Ukraine and a few times we have let her go because we thought a break might help her. It never seemed to help until Elizabeth's visit. I think they talked and Elizabeth is a down to earth no nonsense girl with great parents.

We had a family situation and words were exchanged this happens in a house full of teens and young adults sometimes. I went to the bedroom and my oldest daughter Kenna came into talk with me as I was upset. Lena did something none of the others would have done because they can be intimidated when we are having private conversations with the older kids. She opened the door and saw us talking in hushed tones. I thought she would close it and leave because she has not been assertive at all before, but she didn't she came in walked across the room and started stroking my hair. She leaned down asked if I was OK and told me she loved me. She stayed for awhile and then quitely slipped out.

Lena spoke almost no English until two weeks ago. She had one word here or there and refused to try. Anytime we communicated was with Alesa translating or sign language. Lena had a low frustration level and was difficult trying to communicate with her because she would get mad.

We said no more Russian can be spoken in our house right now. We expected pouting but the dam broke open. A week later she is making complete sentences and understanding alot.

These past several weeks have been like watching a cloud over her going away and the sun come out. This girl has the sunniest diposition of anyone in the family. Her laughter peals throughout the house all the time. She seeks my affection all the time now and wants to sit or be near me. She is so helpful and cleans like a little machine, even when I say Lena that is enough, she goes and gets the mop to get up that last bit. She came into the bedroom last night and spent an hour talking and laughing. She even made humor in English. She and Julia have not had one issue since the cupcake incident.

This was not a step forward this is a changed heart we can see the difference. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I realize how close we came to giving up. How comforting to know that no matter what I do my savior would never even come close to giving up on me. I am glad he didn't give up on us and Lena because he knew those walls would tumble down long before any of us were breathed into being. Isn't that just the most comforting thought in the whole world that God is always in control even when we think things are so hopeless.

We believe we now have the real Lena living with us all the walls are down. Was it the months of love, was it my final frustrated conversation with her, was it the picture, was it the eclairs, was it the piano, the language acquisition, maybe Elizabeth's visit? Did we just assume assimilation into a large family and not single her out enough? We think these all played a role, but in the end it was one thing and only one thing, it was God's love and faithfulness for both her and for us.

I have to tell you a few more bits of exciting news our oldest son Brett took his LSATs the beginning of December and we have been anxiously awaiting his scores. He was in the top 10% in the nation and will now be applying to several law schools. We are looking forward to getting one of ours off the dole( kidding sort of) he received several grants and loans. Our son Zhenya was admitted to the architecture program at the school of his choice. We will have four in college not sure how we are going to do it all but God will provide. We have all 8 kids home right now while everyone is waiting to go back to college. It has blessed my heart to see them all bonding and playing together. I can't keep food in the house but other than that :)

Have a wonderful day and God Bless!

Journey

2009-12-29T05:42:00.000-08:00

I received a picture for Christmas from my children to hang over my fireplace. It is titled JOURNEY and has the bible verse from Proverbs 3:5 on it, Trust in the Lord with all your heart...he will make your paths straight.

This was the perfect gift because we are always on a journey in this life as we travel to our ultimate destination.

My journey is never dull and as I watch my children, my family and friends I realize their journeys are not dull either. At any given moment we may be scaling up a mountain and hanging on for dear life or we may be sliding down so fast that we can't catch our breath. Then there are the moments where we can find a quiet place to rest and to take a moment to reflect on where our path has taken us and how God has been with us every step.

Life has been interesting at our house. It has definitely been a hard transition for Lena and for the family as well. Several weeks ago we actually thought maybe we should look for a smaller family for her. She really seemed lost in this one not being able to find her place. We were asking God if maybe we were only the bridge ment to bring her to another family. She seemed so unhappy here it was breaking our hearts. There were good times, but honestly they were so few and far between. She has been here almost 5 months and only spoke about 10 words of English and refused to try to speak more. The animosity between her and Julia was so palatable you could taste and feel it anytime they were in a room together. I felt like a referee more than a mom.

We were very discouraged and it made me so sad to see how unhappy she seemed to be. We got into a discussion at the table one night and she told Alesa that she might want to go back to Ukraine when she is 18. When we took her to get the papers on her citizenship and she had to swear allegiance to America she teared up because she wasn't sure. She hesitated before putting up her hand and we held our breath.

Yes, I was mad as I thought of how we love her and the sacrifice it took to get her here. I looked at her newly cut hair, her brand new jacket, and thought about the piano for her that was waiting under the blankets in the garage for Christmas day, and of the voice lessons she had the week before. I thought about the dirty cracked parking lot in Ukraine where they sat for hours and played, and the flithy plastic swimming pool that they had as their summer fun and the same set of clothes that were worn over and over. I know she has no family there and she told us all her close friends had been adopted. I see our other girls who can't express enough how thrilled they are to be here and have a family. I thought about the children over there who would give anything to be in her place. I was very angry with her attitude, and more than anything tired. In frustration I thought maybe it's us and she needs something more than we can offer. I asked God are we really the family you want for her should we do something different?

God obviously didn't think so because he renewed our patience and poured more love into us so we could give it to her. About the time we were throwing our hands up in total frustration things started to improve dramatically. It is such an on again off again thing but I have started to see a pattern each time we are in despair about it getting better, it does, and each time it gets better she seems to draw closer. We see improvements in her attitude we see her less caustic and she and Julia were actually laughing together. That was music to my ears.

We still deal with issues like last night when she told Julia that the cupcake Julia made for her was ugly. Julia worked hard at making everyone a cupcake with their initial and favorite color for dinner and Lena spoiled it with her rude comment. Julia asked her if she would like a cupcake to decorate and she had no interest. When we talked about it she was less defensive and was willing to say she was sorry after much conversation about why she should.

She gave me a watch for Christmas and more and more frequently comes up and hugs me out of the blue. She is so helpful when it comes to cleaning you can't put a glass down at our house now without Lena picking it up to clean it. She has a beautiful laugh and she is easy to love out of a bad mood. I go up and hug her and say come on down and she immediately gets over it and seems happy again. She doesn't ask for much and seems content with what she has been given. She has many wonderful qualities and we hope to magnify those more and help to minimize the ones that are not becoming.

Isn't this what God does for us all the time. I can see him looking at me as I say, "look God this is a good quality about me aren't you proud", but the ones he is more concerned with are the ones that I struggle with that when I overcome them make me a better person.

The journey continues...

Accomplishments

2009-11-28T07:10:00.000-08:00

This seems to have turned into my monthly blog, although I compose it in my mind almost everyday. There are just some days that it is a good thing I don't post, or you may find me not so thankful and not so gracious. This is OK I believe we need to share the good and the bad, but I find it easier to post about it after I have had time to spend with God and we have worked through the teeth grinding and hair pulling. It is better that only he sees that picture and how black my heart can be on some days. I could never right the ship without him. When we are sailing smoothly as we are now I can speak about the adventures of the previous weeks. When we are being tossed about on the high seas it is a little tough to put pen to paper. The past few weeks we have been in pretty steady calm waters and the sun has been warm and bright. Here are a few of the shining examples.

Lena turned 16 this month! I was so excited about giving her a party. I love parties and planning them. I love giving the gift of happiness to others. When I cook and set a table at the holidays it is my favorite thing to do. I say I do this for others, but the truth is I do it because it makes me happy too.

We had a fabulous time at her party. I had several very fun games planned. If you are having a party this one was a huge hit. I gave them lots of newpaper and duct tape and divided them into teams of two. They had to create a design out of newspaper. I also threw in some material and some old costume wigs that we had laying around. Lena even found some old glue-on eye lashes. She and her partner (another girl from Ukraine) didn't understand the newspaper part, but had a good time using the material. At one time I tried to tell them to use the newspaper, but realized they were having so much fun doing their own thing that I let them carry on.

See our pictures for the great time we had that evening.

Proud Parents: Our 13 year old daughter Julia won the 6th grade essay contest for her school for the speech she wrote for Veterans Day. She got up and gave this speech in front of almost a 1,000 people. Two years ago she did not even know how to speak English and was on a very low reading level even in Ukraine. I would love to post her speech live and will try to do that later, but here it is and I will tell you there were few dry eyes in the house. For anyone wondering, she wrote it herself, but we did help her by correcting spelling and grammar.

What Veterans Day Means to Me

Veterans Day means a lot to me because my dad, my grandmother and both my grandfathers served in the military.

The story of their military service is also about me, my two sisters and my brother. You see the four of us are adopted from Ukraine and Russia.

Veterans gave Americans the freedom and a good life to be able to have a lot of the things that other countries do not have. Freedom allowed my parents to come to our countries to adopt all four of us.

In Ukraine, we did not have the freedom that America has because this was taken from us by other countries. Those countries invaded ours because we did not have the military protecting us the way they have protected the people here. We were not allowed to have the freedom to get a good education or a good job. At one time people were not allowed to speak our native language or go to church.

I lived a life without freedom and I want to tell the children in America they should appreciate all they have here. I can say this because we did not even know what real freedom meant before we came here. I know now that not having freedom to me means an orphanage filled with children without parents because they couldn’t get jobs or go to school. There was sickness, alcohol, drugs and poor choices made because no freedom means no chance to become better.

My life was hard and I would have had to live my whole childhood in an orphanage if my parents had not had the opportunity to come get me. They used their freedoms provided by veterans to come all the way to another country and bring me back to America to live.

Fortunately, I now have a future that will allow me to do or be anything I want to be and to grow up with love and happiness. I am so happy that because of the freedoms that veterans like my dad, my grandmother and my grandfathers gave America, I now have a big family that I dreamed about and love very much.

I want to thank the veterans who protected this country so that American children will never have to live through what me, my sisters and my brother had to before we came here.

Thank you God and veterans for my family and my country!

We put Alesa at a magnet school this year and prayed that she would rise to the challenge. She is in a Pre-Ap honors English class. She just made all A's and one B and she is on the yearbook and in student council. We attended her dance recital last week and she did a beautiful job.

Zhenya is in AP calculus in which he got a 99 on his report card. He is a PAL which means he mentors little elementary students. He was chosen out of many students to be able to do this and one of the reasons he was chosen was because he wrote an essay that stated he believed he would be a good mentor for children with difficulties, and who are hurting, because he can relate. He is such a good role model. He had to have his hand operated on last month because he broke it during football. It was his senior year and he was starting so he was quite upset that he didn't get to finish the season.

Our 24 year old Brett, gave Mark and I a two page letter at Thanksgiving expressing his love and thanks for us that would be every parents dream. This came from a young man who would seldom give cards on birthdays or ever express his feelings. Let's suffice it to say that neither of us could speak after we read it. We were humbled and felt very honored by this letter.

I could write a book on the difficulties that we experience at times, but for now we are praising God and basking in his faithfulness for the accomplishments this past month. I hope this is an encouragement for those of you who might be thinking of adopting an older child.

I must go enjoy the calm waters while they are here :)

Quiet moments

2009-11-08T05:34:00.000-08:00

Don't let the title fool you. There are very few quiet moments at my house or in my life. This is why when I have a moment like right now where the entire house is enclosed in a slumber that I can take a moment to stop and contemplate all that God has given me. The absence of sound is music to my ears.

I look out the window and there is a muted autumn haze of fog enclosing the beauty of the trees. They stand clothed in their array of different colors of yellows and oranges. There is a light chill in the air and I am nestled all warm and snug in my furry bathrobe with the computer all to myself. I appreciate the small miracles in my life like an empty computer, and the time to use it. These two things never seem to come together for me at the same moment. God has given me this sweet gift, and there is nothing I would enjoy more than spending time with you my dear friends.

I have been reading quite a bit lately about the adoption of older children and how hard these children can be to raise since they are already half grown. The "bonding" word is so common in adoption talk.

Well, the truth is even the biological children come to the half grown stage at some point and they too can become difficult, and yes there are days when if someone had given me a ticket to send one of them back on a particular day at a particular moment we would have done it :)

The difference is when they were a pain in the patootee as teens, we were deeply bonded. Now don't get me wrong we adore and love, and give our hearts to our adopted children from the beginning, but I would lie to you if I said it is just like that brand new baby. It is not, I can tell you that we love them exactly the same as our brand new babies, but unlike the new baby there are expectations of an older child whether we want to acknowledge them or not. The brand new baby is totally dependent on you as is the adopted child, but sometimes the older child goes out of their way to make you feel like they don't need you at all. What parent wants their nurturing rejected? After all we didn't travel half way around the world to have this happen! Babies can't reject your love and efforts, and even if they did you probably wouldn't notice. Being a particularly sensitive person I take rejection personally even when I logically know it isn't about me.

If someone had sent us our biological children as teens I wouldn't have bonded with them immediately either. Come on, isn't it easier to bond with someone who is tiny and cute even when they are red faced in a tantrum than with someone who rolls their eyes, has facial hair or can blow dry their own hair. Why am I saying this? Because we have experienced this over and over in varying degrees depending on the child. We get impatient when "bonding" doesn't happen right away, we have expectations and we are disappointed when things don't turn our as we wanted.

We have had to dig into our reserves and ask ourselves how we can do a better job, and how we can get this going on the right track. I usually find when I change my attitude things go smoother, isn't that amazing? Once I start viewing it as how can I do things better, they get better. Or maybe it is just my perception I choose to think it is both.

I remember each child clearly when they arrived! The brand new babies we bonded with are so much more now and I look back and see that we didn't even know that demanding little entity. So really how bonded were we as compared to now? When they were babies we attached ourselves to them, but in reality, especially in the beginning anyone could have met their needs. It was the child, who as they matured and grew and attached themselves that we became important to them.

We need to give our adopted teens the same time but we want it to happen immediately. None of our newborns came out saying, wow you are the greatest how can many ways can I show you I love you! No, they cried and wanted all their needs met and if you worked hard enough after a few months they finally smiled and you threw a party over one dinky little smile. We need to allow these new precious children with so much more baggage time to "bond". In most instances it will happen we just need patience.

I say all this because Lena has been a struggle and yes there are days we wanted to throw in the towel. We are so grateful to God that he keeps teaching us more about our hearts each day. We are better people and parents with each child he gives us. Lena is finally starting to attach to us and we can already "look back" and see how far she has come. I think ahead to two or three years from now and how much more our hearts will be sealed together.

We all went to Alesa's dance recital last night and as she was dancing with all her heart, a friend looked over and said, look how far she is from where she was, or where she might have ended up” about this time Lena who was standing beside me slipped her arm around my waist, hugged me, and I nodded with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Look how far we are all from where we might have been or ended up if it wasn't for God's grace and love for us.

Molding the Clay

2009-10-09T04:11:00.000-07:00

Time passes so quickly and I have missed you dear friends. I have even had a hard time keeping up with your blogs and that is something I enjoy as often as time permits.

So much has happened in just a short month or so. We have gone through several stages of transtition. No, it has not been easy and it has been trying and it isn't over! Mark always says, "6 months honey, 6 months." This isn't a magic number, but by then they usually start to realize that we have rules that are set in stone and all the pouting doesn't do any good. They start to understand we aren't sending them back and that, Hey maybe these people really do love me! The behavior may not disappear completely at that point, but things do seem to start to mellow and do not occur as often.

At one point we had our sweet friend come and translate for about 2 hours with Lena and the family. Lena can take an attitude and it is not very endearing. Even our friend said it would be hard breaking through her barriers. By the end of the conversation we felt we had made progress and the talk ended well. That only lasted about 3 days before we were back to the same behaviors.

I am not going to go through all our trials, but lets suffice it to say they have been numerous. The director told us Lena had a strong personality. We weren't sure exactly what that meant, but we know now. Lena was rejecting any family connection and crying for her peers who live in Dallas. After they came to visit she spent all her time walking around sullen and wanting to watch the video we made of them while they were here. We finally told her she could not have any more phone calls from them until she started concentrating on bonding with her family. Her friends were sweet and understood and hopefully at some point we will be able to resume contact with them.

The rejection of her sisters was heart breaking. They were not "cool" in her eyes. They are very wholesome in appearance and she wanted to act and dress like someone who was much older. She loves music, and unfortunately the music that they teeth on in an orphanage does not meet with parent approval. They watch videos on TV that are almost pornographic in nature, very suggestive. She likes to copy cat the moves of many of these video stars which doesn't go over well with her dad and I.

These kids come with huge gaps and they have filled those gaps with behaviors that they have learned from TV or each other. It does not create a wholesome view. They may not know how to use a knife or have never been to an amusement park, but they know how to look and act like a 25 year old video diva. They know how to hurt each other with words, and sometimes with physical aggression because they have not had the constant redirection that they needed and that all children need as they are growing up.

I took Lena on several shopping trips where she bought nothing because I said no to every single slinky, breast baring, glittery, thing she wanted. So we came home empty handed because she has her mind made up about how she wants to look. She was still wearing the few things I had brought to the orphanage. I drew a line in the sand, she would just have to wear these things until they fell off I was not compromising our principals by allowing her to dress the way she perceived she should look. She may have a strong personality, but God has given us stronger ones because he knew we would have some strong willed children. Last weekend she finally agreed on clothes that are decent to meet the world she now lives in.

Alesa and Julia have been easy all things considered. Lena on the other hand is going to take longer to train to our expectations. She is already making vast improvements. She refused to take singing and piano lessons because she wanted to take them by herself and not with Julia. We don't accommodate these types of wants, we do what is best for the schedule, and the schedule does not allow Lena to have her own lessons. She would never hug us unless we hugged her and then she would move away as fast as she could.

Lena has realized that being mean makes mom's protective mother bear instincts come out, and being on the wrong side of that is not a pretty picture. We spent many long hours trying to work with her, until one day after the last hateful thing she had said to hurt Julia and make her cry, I rose to what I considered at this point, righteous anger, and let her have it in a loud authoritative tone. I think the other two girls were in shock because they have never heard me raise my voice. I said, "I realize you can't understand a word I am saying, but I know you understand the tone and body language." Poor Alesa couldn't translate fast enough. I said many very frank things to her and told her she needed to consider how she is treating the family that she said she so desperately wanted, and I ended with, we wouldn't treat our worst enemies the way you have treated us since you arrived! I then told the girls they were not to speak one more word of Russian to her she was on her own. Their kindness, especially Julias, had been rejected and thrown back at them for the last time.

For several days everyone spoke to her only when necessary because the whole family had had enough of the way she was acting. I know that some may say these children need kindness and not rejection because they have had enough of that already. You may think we are harsh but we can not allow one child to create an atmosphere of discontent in a large family. We used the same techniques on Zhenya because he had some of the same issues. It worked on Zhenya and now we couldn't ask for a finer son. It took Lena about 3 days to mull all this over, pout and stay in her room.

Last weekend, Mark, the 3 girls, a dear friend, and I went to Houston. We went to the Ukrainian ballet on Friday night and met up with some other friends from Lena's orphanage. She was still on a pout about my explosion and then subsequent rejection by the family that occurred the few days before. All the way to Houston she looked out the window while we laughed talked and had a great time. We basically just pretended she wasn't there.

When we get to the hotel she came out dressed for the ballet in nothing but tight leggings and a very short top. Our girls like to wear leggings under their skirts, but Lena had just the top and no skirt. I said, no Lena wear the dress you brought. She slammed back in the bathroom. She came out looking beautiful and appropriate.

Voila! She was very precious to both girls at the ballet. That night we had more bonding time at the hotel and she laid her head in my lap. She stayed there and let me hug and stroke her hair and told Alesa, "I love mom touching with my hair" the rest of the time I felt that we had the old Lena we met at the orphanage and a new child. We went shopping and she tried on many things with me saying yes or no. We laughed as all three modeled all these different outfits. It was a scene from one of those movies where you have them coming out in different outfits in fast mode, while the observer smiles and shakes their head yes or no, until they have selected several things, then they pay, walk out with an armload of bags, and everyone is happy.

This week she asked for singing lessons with Julia which she absolutely loved. We haven't started piano lessons but we are buying a piano from a dear friend that was seldom used, which will be Lena's Christmas present.

Lena has been smiling and very loving and huggy. She and her sisters are starting to bond and they do a lot of laughing. I think this time it will stick for longer. I know from past experience we have turned a corner and that we will now be taking more steps forward and less steps backwards.

We are moving in the right direction. I know the Lord says that about me all the time as he molds and conforms me to his image. We all come raw and rough but when we put ourselves in the right hands we have unlimited potential to change the world to God's glory. We have put Lena in God's hand we are marveling at the changes we see already.

Where Have the Dandelions Gone?

2009-09-05T05:59:00.000-07:00

Have they floated away on the winds without leaving behind the magic for others to follow? As they danced away in the sunlight, were they sad that there would not be the mulitudes of children following, laughing and trying to catch them as they bounced away merrily to places unknown? How many delightful summer days did I make a wish as I blew my dandelions into the wind, then chased them as they took flight. I ran after those summer snowflakes, with out stretched hands filled with hope, laughter and visions of a bright future in my heart.

Where is the innocence of childhood going because it is no longer being borne away on puffy soft dandelions, or on fairy wings, or the hope of an intriguing story where the hero/heroine ends up happily, with visions for the reader that this story or others like it could be their story.

For those of us who have been there and can remember, it is with pity that I stood in front of my 6th grade classes and asked them how they saw the world in 100 years. Would it be better or worse off? Student after student raised their hands and told me of environmental issues, terrorists fears, wars, weather related disasters, famine and a whole mulitude of reasons why the world will not be a better place. Things that at that their age I had not even thought about, because I was busy with childhood dreams.

At the end I asked for a show of hands and the "it is not going to be a better place" won by over 3/4th of the majority. I wanted to cry folks, these are 10 and 11 year old children that see the future with such hopelessness. These children are our future, and they see no hope. Even ten years ago, the students would have voted much more to the positive side.

At that age I knew little of the world, and even though I didn't grow up with an idyllic childhood, I viewed the world and my future with anticipation that I could change things, even if it was only in a small way. I read stories about Clara Barton and Helen Keller, while many of these kids are reading stories that are dark and terrifying.

I asked the students who thought the world would be better, why they thought it would be, and they couldn't give specifics. I understood, because when you are a child you can't always explain in words where your joy comes from, I think that is part of the beauty, they don't have to analyze it, it just is. Still, I wanted to take the ones aside that said it would be a better world, and ask them to try and explain in depth why they thought so. I wanted to ask them, what gives you reason to raise your hand to a better future? I wanted to say to them, do you know you are a small minority, but you are the hope of the future, unless the others hearts and minds can be infused with your vision.

I know that my hope rests in Jesus Christ. I wondered about these children and what their hope rests in?

Even though our adopted children have seen more of life than my 6th graders, they have so much hope in their future. The smiles and thank yous that we receive for seemingly small things is so gratifying. The world is new through their eyes and the visions and dreams are dancing around our house again.

We were blessed to be able to home school our children for 6 years while they chased the dandelions, and they continued to do so even after we put them in school. There are many days when I want to be able to do this for our adopted children, but we do not feel God is calling us back to homeschooling, although if he does I am ready. It was a wonderful time and for those of you who are there now, enjoy! Those times, they go so quickly.

Joy is running rampant at our house today. Lena has five of her very dear friends from her orphanage coming to our house with their families to visit. She is beside herself with excitment. Isn't God amazing that she ended up in Texas where all her very closest friends live only 3 hours from us.

Our newest daughter is doing so well! She is smiling again and rapidly finding her very own special place here. The empty seat that had Lena on it for all these years is now filled with one beautiful, blond, blue eyed SWEET girl.

Time for chores, unfortunately, I am not going to chase dandelions, but the dust that is floating around my house :)

What Goes Around Comes Around

2009-08-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

My mom used to use this title all the time and I thought I understood the meaning but I really didn't until now. There have been times when we felt, God, Mark and I were the only ones in the battle, even times when we saw that some of our children were being taken by the enemy-willingly.

We have watched as our kids come around for us time and again. Sometimes in the heat of the battle, both physical and spirtual, we are so busy slaying the dragons that we don't realize some of our children have actually come up beside us, or they have our back and we find that suddenly we have been refortified and strenghtened from within our own ranks. Is there anything in the world more satisfying than looking over, or turning around and seeing that your comrade in arms is your very own child?

This has happened with our bio children many times especially while we were gone, but we have had them since birth teaching and loving them. At times they have been dragged away and at other times they have joined our battle. Now it is our adopted children who are pulling in beside us and they are even smiling, giving us a nod, and then pressing forward to meet the on-coming challenge.

Alesa came up beside us these past few weeks, quietly without any fanfare, and in one fell swoop helped to keep Lena behind our shields. Lena will get her own shield someday but right now she is out there vulnerable and it is our job to keep her protected. Alesa now instinctively knows this and has her shield over her sister.

Alesa took Lena and did with her exactly what we have been doing with Alesa the past two years. She patiently over a period of days talked in length to her about being part of a family and what that means. She explained that she too had some of the same problems that Lena is experiencing. She and Lena are sharing a room and it has turned out to be a blessing. Alesa managed to say words that have made a difference in a short period of time, things that would have taken us much longer to get across. There were times when we wondered if we were getting through to Alesa and now we have our answer.

Julia is still learning and she is seeing that some days she needs to allow Lena some leeway. They are both learning together and Julia is precious, she is our everyday translator and has realized that Lena is dependent on her for her understanding of what is being said. Each one of our daughters is growing and we couldn't be prouder of them. To think that at one time we almost stopped at one adoption...

Lena is doing very well all things considered. She is smiling more and while not as close to us as she was in Ukraine that is OK because she is still finding out where she fits in to this large family. We encourage her at every turn, she still is reserved but warming up more every day. Her meaness seems to have abated, but we laid down the law on that one, it is called zero tolerance. She seems to respond well to correction. I asked Mark what he thought about how it was all going. He smiled at me and said I will let you know in 6 months or so because he knows it will be an up and down, on again off again situation and we have seen it before.

We made the decision because of academic and other reasons to keep her in the 8th grade. We explained why and she was fine with it. I teach at the same middle school and she can have me there for support. We have a fabulous ESL teacher and we wanted Lena to have her. She and Julia, the two that were experiencing the most issues would be in the same ESL class together where Julia would get to be her mentor/translator and Lena would be forced to be kinder if she wanted help with language. It has worked great and what we prayed for is happening. It isn't perfect and there are moments where she goes to her room and wants to be left alone because of something that was or wasn't said. She is very helpful as are the other kids. She had a great week at school and Julia says she isn't shy and already had two girls ask her to go to the movies. We appreciated their thoughtfulness but we had a family activity planned, and to be honest I would not have let her go anyway right now. We are very big on family bonding first when these kids arrive and not hanging with peers. They have had plenty of friends and now what they need most is us!

Life moves forward and we are in the ebb and flow and right now we are in calm waters. Tomorrow that could all change but we will take the sunny weather while it's here.

Transistion

2009-08-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

They are all different and each child comes with their own personality and character. Transition is easier for some than others. Mom and Dad must pray for patience; we have seen with time that we end up with a happy well adjusted child. But durn if it isn't work getting there!!

I look at our handsome, funny, sweet, smart, athletic, Russian son who is bopping around the kitchen heating up his mushrooms, and cracking jokes with his siblings, at ease with himself and with life. Other adults comment all the time about how personable and coversant he is with them.

Is he the same sullen boy we brought home 4 years ago? The one who grunted at me because he didn't want to call me anything, and now puts me on a pedestal. When he was introduced he would not make eye contact and would often roll his eyes. If anyone came for a visit he wanted to hide out in his room. Zhenya was a very quiet, seemingly unhappy, young man. We had visits with his teachers where we had to address attitude.

We didn't have this particular experience with the two girls. Not that there weren't plenty of moments with them, they just weren't the "Zhenya" moments.

We weren't really expecting this with Lena, it has come as a surprise, but she is exhibiting many of the same behaviors that Zhenya diaplayed. This is a little harder this time because this is not the child we met and spent time with at the orphanage. She has become sullen and will not participate with anything the kids are trying to get her to engage in. As affectionate as she was with us, is as distant as she is now. Her attitude is disdainful at best, and nothing seems to make her happy. She has been extremely mean to Julia and we have had to have some gentle, but serious discussion about this one. Julia was trying to pick a new hairstyle and when she pulled it up on the computer it was obvious to everyone that Lena was saying unkind things to Julia and snickering. Lena would then look at Alesa in hopes that she too would join in the mean behavior. Alesa used to have a mean streak as well, but today I was so proud of her we have spent long hours eradicating that behavior and she didn't respond. Being mean to each other, especially if they are younger, is standard orphanage behavior. Alesa and Julia have grown close, and I am hoping in the future that Lena too, will join in this relationship.

Today we went to get our hair done for school. The girls have been looking at pictures of hair styles for a week. We are very conservative; we don't allow any makeup except for a little mascara at 15 and clear lip gloss. We don't allow bra straps, bellies and other body parts to hang out. Today I allowed something I have never allowed with any of our children, I let Lena get a few natural highlights in her hair, because of her diet her hair has a dullness to it, while the other two girls have very shiny tresses. I thought maybe it would be special since she really wanted some and I haven't allowed the others to do it. I explained why to Alesa and Julia and they agreed and understood.

As soon as we came out, we all told her how pretty she looked, she turned around and said something, unprovoked, in a hateful tone to Julia.

I really have to pray about this because even though we have been through this before it is still difficult. This week I found a piano for her that we plan on giving to her for her birthday. Being human I naturally at this point do not want to give her anything else. We need God's love for her and us because I just want to be mad at her for hurting Julia, who by the way does not have a mean bone in her body.

Please don't judge her. I just need to be honest on here that it is not all a story book tale. I have seen the results and we don't give up, but we do get discouraged and tired. I want this to be an honest story of adoption. Today I wanted to say, "and we spent almost all summer in Ukraine for this"and more, of course I didn't, but folks I said it in my mind.

One needs to see all facets and this is the other side we are on right now. We have 3 wonderful teens that have crossed the bridge to our love and have learned to give it right back. Now we are building a bridge for Lena to come over. Those who labor for the Lord do not labor in vain! We have living testimony to God's faithfulness with our other 3 treasures.

Praise God!

2009-08-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

Today I have to share my favorite bible verse Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

I just get chills when I see how God works out every little detail in our lives. Sometimes we wonder when things will happen or why they happen. I don't always understand all the details of my life that God has planned. What I do know is that if I am in his will, I have peace in the security that my father loves me and is doing what is best for me his daughter.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that Lena as well as our other children have been planned for us since the beginning of time. Several times we thought God had other children picked for us, only to be disappointed when that didn't work out. We didn't always understand why, but now we do because what he has given us has been beyond anything we could have imagined. I just want to thank God for all our children. It is so amazing to think about this and I want to sing, dance and shout out how perfect that plan has been for us.

Lena was sitting the other night in front of the computer and it was a dark room with only the light from the computer emanating a glow in the room. I was sitting on the couch unobserved, delighting in my girls singing a song together. Lena was in the seat with our girls gathered behind her, along with some friends who have also been adopted from Ukraine. I could only see her profile captured in the light as she so joyously sang a Ukrainian song they had found.

I found myself remembering me sitting at the very same computer the first time I ever opened her picture and saw her sweet face glowing at me from inside that same screen. I remember how many times I sat in front of the computer with disappointment over news that we needed yet another piece of paperwork, or another renewal on what had already been sent. Wondering if time would ever pass fast enough to be able to go get her, or even at times if it indeed would ever happen. Not just with her, but with all of them.

I was overwhelmed at all that had come to pass in the last year. Here she was, the girl whose picture we had prayed over sitting in that very same chair in front of the very same computer on this side of the screen, in full 3-D, singing her her heart out, all ours, and I just wanted to drop to my knees and shout his praises. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself to make sure it is all real.

Lena is fitting in beautifully and seems happier each day. We had only one day of tears and that was only for moments because of communication. She told Alesa yesterday that she is so happy and that even helping out makes her happy. Wow, from a teenager, those words are a gift to a parents ears. I love it she seems so content to be doing whatever we are doing.

Praise God from whom all blessing fall!!

Adjustment Time Begins

2009-08-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

Can you relate to suddenly being thrust into a brand new world? I know that many of us can because we have experienced it. We also know at the end of the day we will be going home to all we are comfortable with and love. Can you imagine knowing that all that was familiar will never be again.

My heart always feels for my orphan babies, who are now no longer orphaned and have people who deeply love them, but sometimes that anchor is hard for them to grasp in the middle of all the transiton. Parents have a tendency to think we rescued them, we are giving them such a better life, why the sadness?

The routine, the sounds, the smells, the food inadequate or not, in many cases the very loving care givers and teachers who have had them for years, and they deeply grieve for these things. It does not mean they really want to go back and it doesn't mean they aren't thrilled to have a family, it just means they need to work through all that has happened in a very short period of time.

We spent a year or more planning for them and sometimes dreaming over their pictures. They too, have hoped for a mom and dad to arrive and take them away, but still when a dream becomes a reality, in their case sometimes overnight, it takes until the smoke settles and they are home for them to think about all that has happened.

We know about this now we are experienced in it we have seen the unbidden tears come, we have seen the eye rolling when we speak, that at first we saw as rudeness, and now realize is frustration. We know the need for them to quietly slip off to their room. We have seen the pouting over the smallest of things. They have all had varying degrees of this and we know that this too shall pass, just as our heavenly Father knows this about us through the course of our lives when frustration sets in. Like our Father we see the big picture for them and we know with time and love it will be a mosaic where the pieces will fit beautifully to make a lovely illustration of the love and hope a family provides.

Our beautiful Lena is doing well, very well, and she is very happy it is obvious. Yes, she has had a few of the moments mentioned above. They may only be minimal or they may intensify we don't know yet. Yesterday was hard for her, she teared up at one point when someone was trying to get her to understand them and she couldn't. Even our children who speak Russian are struggling to regain the use of their language which has gotten rusty. She is very social and I think it is hard for her because she already so much wants to play a part, and everyone works hard to include her in the conversation, but I can tell this is not enough for her. She already loves our family very much and is frustrated over lack of communication. It will happen we all know this, but for me sometimes it is painful to have to allow it to take its course. I look ahead to when she too will be chatting up a storm and teasing and laughing over the conversation. Oh how I wish I could give her a glimpse into the future about 6 months from now.

More Pictures

2009-08-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

I promise to only deluge you with pictures this week and then it will stop. I am tired I can't seem to get back on track so I am doing little piddling things while my room is still strewn with suitcases and messes. So here I am sitting in front of the computer in a daze.

The siblings have been slowly trickling in to meet Lena. In my dreams the ones who couldn't make it to the airport will all come running up the walk way and they will do this wonderful little bonding dance with Lena. Well, in my really perfect world they would have all been here at once exclaiming over Lena and how they just couldn't wait to meet their new sister. They would tell her how they have been anxiously awaiting her arrival, and there would be these hearts floating over everyones heads that you see in the cartoon pictures with music playing in the background.

OK, now let's have a reality check. Our Russian son Zhenya came home from work, walks in the kitchen, and of course we are so excited for him and Lena to meet. Zhenya to Lena, "hey how are ya"? Me, "Zhenya how about speaking Russian and a hug." Zhenya, "Oh yeah" and then he gives her a half a hug and whips out his rapidly deteriorating Russian of about 4 words.

Kyle comes in next from college, gives her a big smile, a hug and then on to another topic about drama at school.

Kenna came last night and slowly makes her way up the walkway ( wanted to yell, run Kenna, run) stopping to pat the dogs as she winds her way up the porch. Lena and I run to her instead and there are big hugs all around. Then back to petting the dogs.

Brett our 24 year old was at the airport and he has always accepted that Mom and Dad have a calling to save older children. He seems to bond well right from the beginning and makes them feel special. He is a big tease and as soon as Lena learns the language she will adore him as the other kids do.

It is not that the other kids don't care it is just that we have been here before. When Zhenya came first they were all younger, more excited, and curious about a new sibling from another country. With each subsequent adoption it becomes more matter of fact, just a part of life in our house and they accept it. Mark and I however view each adoption like it is the first and each is special. We all have our way of welcoming a new child, for Mark and I, it is break out the fanfare. For them it is, OK so you are part of the family, we move on and treat you like you have been here forever and your arrival no big thing. Both ways of welcoming speak volumes, on one hand, we (mom and dad), adore you and on the other, we (siblings), accept you as one of us, but you are still going to have to work your way in. In most cases the work your way in part takes awhile. We can wait we know it happens!

Here are pictures of the latest introductions.

Pictures

2009-08-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If you scroll down to the bottom of my blog I have some very good pictures of the three girls. I didn't mean for them to come out this big but as said I am not very techie and I am just glad I figured out how to get this far. I hope to go back in and edit later and make them smaller. I am not sure why they came out so big but I have no more time to play with this today. Yes, I have other children but getting pictures of them is not as easy so hope to have some of them up later.

The girls have rolled and straightened and dressed Lena up like she is a new toy doll. I think they are really having a good time with all of this "girl stuff". Second day and all is well.

HOME SWEET HOME!!

2009-08-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

My own bed with the sheets that smell like fabric softner and burrowing down under my comforter. Ah, such a small but most significant home coming treat. I guess you really don't want to hear about that, but unless you have slept on beds of various sizes and firmness, with sheets if you are lucky, that may or may not fit, then you really can't appreciate why I am so excited about my bed.

Lena and I had a very loooong trip home. We ran into various road blocks not the least of which was being delayed. We came via Moscow and I had forgotten how the Moscow airport is somewhat of a zoo, although I know that can be said for many airports. Lena was a real trooper and she passed traveling with flying colors. She is so friendly some man started chatting to her and she was all bubbly and was answering all his questions about her trip and adoption like she had known him for years.

The only problem, she was so excited she wouldn't go to sleep the whole flight. At one point she looked like a zombie with these red eyes and big black circles. I took a picture and imitated that if she didn't sleep everyone would run away in fright and we both had a good laugh. She didn't care she wasn't haven't any part of that sleeping business.

We shared my I-pod head phones I had one in my ear and she had the other in hers and we were listening to "The Twist", by Chubby Checker. Yes, I know it dates me, but to be fair that was before my music era although I have always loved that song and it gets me moving when I exercise. So we started pretending we were our own music group, she was on the piano and I was playing guitar and we were twisting in our seats. After 10 hours in the air at this point we needed a diversion. It actually turned out to be quite entertaining and we even had the flight attendants smiling at us. Lena is great fun and has a wonderful sense of humor. In our family she will need it, especially with 4 older brothers.

She was awed, as even I was, by the views out the plane's window. The sky was bright blue and the clouds were big white puffs and it felt like we were floating on them. It was one of those surreal moments because "When Love Takes You In", by Steven Curtis Chapman was playing on the head phones. She turned with tears in her eyes and showed me that she had chill bumps on her arms. We smiled at each other, some things need no words.

We finally arrived in Austin, and no kidding, I had to chase behind her to keep up. She wanted to meet her new family and wasn't delaying a second. We came around the corner and her Dad was standing in front holding a sign that the girls had made that read, "Welcome to the Family Lena" she screamed "Papa" and raced to him and threw herself into his arms. The girls were standing with flowers for both her and I and of course big hugs and kisses all around. The girls were a little shy about hugging at first but Lena took the initiative. Some of her siblings were not there, one had finals at college, another couldn't get off work or else he wouldn't get paid, and nothing, but nothing interfers with his pay check, this is our Russian son and we always kid him about what a tight wad he can be. Our oldest daughter had to work as well. They had all made plans to be off on Friday when we were originally supposed to be home but couldn't rearrange schedules when we were delayed. Our very dear friends were there to welcome her home as well. We are really excited because today is Zhenya's 18th birthday and everyone is coming home to celebrate and meet Lena.

It worked out fine because the girls were the only ones home yesterday and since they really will be the ones at home most of the time anyway they had a chance to get to know each other.

It is early but I think this is going to be a great mesh and what a blessing to see how they were getting along. Julia came up to me and said several times, Mom I just love Lena" Alesa is much more reserved, but I noticed she had given Lena some of her clothes to wear and last night I heard them all in there giggling and talking. I was worried about trying to give everyone attention especially since I hadn't seen the other kids for awhile. It worked out fine for the first go, we shall see, I hope it continues.

Well, my mom badge is back on which means I need to make a trip to SAMS as Zhenya is having 20 friends for his birthday tonight plus all the family. I will post pictures tomorrow.

The Last and the First Moments

2009-08-01T01:17:00.000-07:00

The last days in Stackhanov were happy and sad. The day we picked Lena up from the orphanage was a rainy and gloomy day. Almost as if the weather were echoing the scene that was about to be played out.

At first she was very excited and it really had not sunk in that she would be saying good-bye to her friends, in most cases, forever. They were all gathered around and the look on their faces is one that will be forever etched in my memory. I captured it all on film but I honestly don't think I will ever be able to look at it again. While she went in to say good-bye to her teacher the kids outside were huddled up under the overhang on the building waiting for her. Their faces matched the weather, such utter gloom and hopelessness.

She came out and they all gathered around her taking turns hugging and crying. Two of the girls looked as though their hearts were breaking and I found out they had all been together since the age of 6. My heart was like a mirror, shattered in a million pieces and it reflected back to me a myriad of emotions these kids were feeling. I had grown very close to some of them, and felt for all of them over the weeks I had spent there. I also realized they are hoping right up to the end that we might decide to take one of them too. If only we could...

I was crying as much as they were and in the background my sweet Nastya waited until last to give me a hug good-bye, and I knew that she would be the hardest. She clung to me and I really hadn't hugged her before and as she sobbed into my neck I realized how tiny and fragile she felt, like a strong wind could blow her away. I wanted to scream at the injustice of it all, I could just take her, she is a throw away child, who would care, but I can't, so I take my darling Lena gather her up and know that we have saved one child from this life.

We then proceeded to go through the process of securing her passport and don't even get me started on the inefficiency of this system. Trust me, I adore the Ukrainian people but their paperwork system defies all reason. At one point we were in a room and they had stacks of paper to the ceiling this was their filing system. Everything you do is a wait and a long one.

After we spent the whole day doing this we went to eat. Lena was so awed by everything. The restaurant had a fish tank and she had never seen one it was so much fun watching her amazement. She ordered a chicken cutlet and I had to cut it for her because she had never used a knife so we had our first lesson. She didn't know how to unscrew the lid of her juice she had never done it before. Every so often she would stop eating and start hugging me.

I guess I don't even need to to go into how thrilled she was with the plane ride to Kiev and again she would hug me look up at me and say "Mama" with such adoring eyes I think, what did I really do to deserve this I am the one who is so blessed.

As many of you know check out through the embassy is an all day ordeal especially if you are adoptiong an older child because of the fingerprints and we had a hard time with Lena because she is missing the tips of a couple of her fingers. We had hoped to leave on Friday but they told us her fingerprints wouldn't be back in time. Mark could only get us a flight out on Monday because they were all full over the weekend. After he changed our flights we got her fngerprints and could have left on Friday after all.

While we were at the Embassy we met two other families checking out. One was a Dad with two sisters who were 14 and 15 that they were adopting, he also had brought with him a daughter they adopted two years ago who is now 16. He, like us, raved about adopting older children and what a blessing it has been. Our Lena is so friendly she went right up to these girls sat down beside them and started talking. She has so much self confidence and she is always smiling. We also met a very nice lady who was adopting the most beautiful DS little girl. She was learning the chicken dance and signing from her mom. What an incredible pair you could already see the bonding taking place and we so enjoyed our time with them. She knew Lena from her picture on Reeces Rainbow and said she had hoped she would find a family. I remembered her little girls picture and was so thrilled to meet her in person. Adoption is such a small world.

Lena and I are now in Kiev and will leave tomorrow. We have had such special bonding time. At first I get disappointed when things don't according to plan but honestly it always turns into a blessing I just have to remember to trust the Lord he always knows best.

We have done some exploring around Kiev and we have stopped at some beautiful places and eaten ice cream just delighting in each others company. We have laughed alot she has the most infectious laugh. She is so spontaneous and appreciative and will just run up and hug me. We went shopping and I bought her a few things she has taken them out of the bag and just looked at them like she can't believe they belong to her. We have started on the English lessons in the afternoon and we play some games I brought.

Folks we are blessed and my heart is full to the top! We go home tomorrow and I can't wait to see my other precious children and begin the bonding process with them and Lena. They are all going to be at the airport to meet the newest Bobinger. We can't wait to leave.

See you in America!!

Thank You

2009-07-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

Let me say I am not a writer and definitely not computer literate, so when I was asked to start a blog by several people I wasn't sure it was something I would care to do. In my minds eye I could see the red marks all over my papers for puncuation and grammar which I didn't learn well. Then I decided that I would make the blog just a chronicle of dates. Today we got our appointment.... etc. It has become so much more for me.

I had no idea what a blessing, a comfort, and a resting place this would be where I can share all the very deep emotions and turmoil that adoptions create. I didn't know that our lives and our adoption on this blog would become so intertwined and would result in a story. Everyone who has commented I appreciate all your support and kind words, especially in the loss of my brother. God has sustained, comforted and given me a peace that can only be from his hand.

I truly consider it a blessing to have you along on this journey I wish I could respond to every comment but my time on the computer is limited here. Please know that every single one of you has sustained us with your prayers and your thoughts.

I don't know how much I will be able to write from here on out because we are at the end of the beginning. The Embassy has received our fingerprints from Washington. Starting today everything will be moving fast. We go to pick up Lena's birth certificate today about a 3 hour drive from here. Tomorrow I get to take our precious Lena from the orphanage. She is beside herself with excitment. We hope to leave tomorrow evening for Kiev and be at the Embassy for check-out on Thursday. If all goes right we hope to be on a plane home on Friday.

We give God all the glory for every single thing that has happened to allow us to bring home Lena Danielle! I will post new pictures when we get home.

All God's Children

2009-07-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

In the beginning she watched from afar. Slowly over the days she moved closer, always on the outer edges but always there. Eventually she came to sit beside me; quietly. Now she waits for me to speak to her or even to notice her. Her beautiful hair and big dimples, her eyes the color of a blue green ocean. Lithe and tall she carries herself with an elegance that belies the conditions she lives in. At first I couldn't see the beauty of her heart because she seldom smiled, and truly not even the beauty of her face, as she kept the eye that is so crossed squinted up because she can see better that way and hopes others might not notice. Sometimes she will wear sun glasses to cover. Most times now she is dressed up and takes care with her appearance, and if I arrive sooner than expected she goes to change and then comes back to sit quietly. Never obtrusive or attention seeking. When it is time to leave she walks behind Lena and I and waves bye and gives a shy smile.

There are always those special orphans who stand out to individual families and she has become mine. Your heart is tugged by all of them but for me but in the end she is the one that I want to take home with Lena and I. This young lady has captured my imagination and heart over the past several weeks. I have pulled her out into the sunshine and she has basked in the attention.
We have slowly become friends and she sits a little closer and shares a little more. She loves to cook and to read, she knows a little English and tries to learn more. I tried to give her a dollar for an ice cream and she doesn't want to accept. She and Lena seem to be a nice compliment to each other and Lena doesn't seem to mind sharing me with her, although I am careful there.

I began thinking about the possibility of just one more to bring home. Envisioning how it might work and how we would arrange it. How we could get those beautiful eyes corrected something that would have been such an easy fix as a baby.

I inquired about her status and found out her age. I must face reality none of this will happen, not because of us, but because of our unjust system for the cut off age of orphans that we are allowed to adopt. She just turned 16 and can not be adopted. She has no family and no siblings to visit. The director said she is a sweet girl and hoped she could find a family before her time ran out. Maybe I can fund raise the money to get her eyes fixed. I must find some way to help her. She has overcome so much but it will be hard enough to make it in her future without the loss of vision as well

So many hurting children. There is another girl here that the girls shun and no one likes because she is mean. Sveta found out her mother sold her to her boyfriends. She explained to the girls that they need to be kind because she has a sad story. The girls were standing in a group and said, "Sveta we all have sad stories, if they were happy we wouldn't be here."

Thank God he gave us Lena in time with only a few months to spare before her 16th birthday and we can bring her home. She showed us her scars yesterday from being burned and then she told us her story. She asked Sveta if her fingers can be fixed, I said, I am not sure we will have to go to a plastic surgeon. The story about the very large scar on her stomach is so sad. I know we can definitely help fix her heart that has been broken but as for the physical scars I don't know. She showed us the skin that has been grafted from her leg for her hands. She said it was worse than it should have been because she was not taken to he hospital soon enough and infection set in her fingers. I kiss her fingers and see only perfection, and in her scars the ability to overcome so much.

A time to laugh, a time to cry, and a time to bond

2009-07-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

The last few days were so busy I have not taken the time to tell you how our sweetie Lena is doing. I did not get to see her much for two days because of my trip. I had to write about something funny yesterday because it was a reprieve from my grief.

We went to the orphanage and at first I didn't want Lena to know my brother had died because I know she has had enough sadness, and I want our visits to be happy. She knew my brother had gotten sick unexpectedly, but I hadn't shared with her how serious it was, and that was all she knew.

I under estimated her sensitivity and compassion. I had planned to tell her after we got home when I deemed the time was right. She obviously can already read my emotions, even though I thought I was covering well under the circumstances. I kept my sunglasses on, kept smiling, but she asked Sveta what was wrong, and Sveta in her wisdom, told her. I probably wasn't as good an actress as I thought, but she also is a very sensitive girl and picks up on others feelings quickly.

She came over and put her arm around my shoulder, and she teared up for me and an uncle she will never know. "Oh Mama, Oh Mama" and then she just held me with both arms wrapped as tight as she could around me, rocking me and kept rubbing my back. I let her comfort me even though that is not what I had wanted to happen because I wanted to protect her. In the end it was so right that she was told because even though we are here to take care of her, now that she is our daughter, she is a part of the family, and that includes the good and the bad. I was leaning on the only family member who could hug and comfort me in that moment, our daughter Lena. I was so glad I didn't have to pretend. A bonding moment that I almost denied both of us.

The trip to Kiev

2009-07-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

Thank you for each one of your comments and your prayers, they are working. I got up this morning and I have a calm and peace that I know can only come from God.

Because I am basically a postive person, and also know I have the love and support of my family, friends, and my God, this will sustain me and allow me to move forward to write on a more positive note.

My trip to Kiev was quite an event. Twelve hours in a cab with my favorite taxi driver Genna, you have to love a guy who everytime he sees you, kisses your hand with a theatrical flourish, and ushers you into his cab, I feel like Cinderella. He is a character that deserves his own story but that will have to wait until another time. He brought another driver so they could trade off driving. We left at 9 at night so we could get to the Embassy sometime in the morning. I have had Sveta translating for me continually so I never gave a thought to bringing my translation dictionary along. That is, until I had to go to the restroom. Now if you don't like potty talk please skip the next two paragraphs, but it was such an intregral and mostly funny part of my trip that I just have to tell it. You can call it the lighter but necessary side of life.

A few hours into the trip I asked for the toilet expecting a, da da, meaning they understood my request. WHAT? They were both acting like they didn't understand. Remember what I told you about how terrible I am at languages. Well, this is a perfect example, toilet in Russian is the same word as in English, except with a little more accent. So I repeated myself a little louder, still no understanding. Genna starts to get his cell phone out and dials I don't know how many different people trying to find someone who can understand what this crazy American is trying to say. I tried to call Sveta but by then we were in a dead zone for cell phones. Out of desperation I had even resorted to making water noises in the backseat in hopes that understanding would dawn, but to no avail. My 6th graders would have been proud!

We didn't stop and I learned a lesson in endurance. When we did stop at a gas station, no toilet in any language. So I stumbled out into complete darkness behind a building and placed natures call in tall weeds that gave cover and I prayed not some other biting crawling things. By the next stop it was daylight and they pointed to an outhouse of sorts. This thing looks like a rusted box! The door creaks open and the inside has tons of spider webs and other crawly insects. There is a hole in the ground for where the toilet should be, you stand on either side of this hole, but the problem is almost the whole floor is rusted through and you could see daylight about 10 feet down. I was so glad at this moment I hadn't eaten that extra bowl of pelmini, because from the looks, even one extra oz could have caused a plunge into the abyss never to be seen or heard from again. It was like walking a roulette game, one had to test the floor to see if it would be strong enough to hold before taking another step. Then once I achieved that goal, I realized I then had to pivot around in this tiny box so I could be facing the right way, every move made the box sway. Desperate situations calls for desperate measures, so I took my chances. Once in there I realized the door doesn't lock and this gas station is full of men. I held my nose, my pants and the door, while trying to maintain my balance and prayed the floor would not give way before I could exit. Then I laughed, if my friends could see me now!

We arrived in Kiev mid morning and I went in to get my fingerprints done by a very sweet young man. He explained to me that this happens all the time to families, fingerprints expire and they get updated at the wrong office because they didn't know or weren't informed. Very proudly he tells me that he has never had to redo a set of fingerprints after they are sent to the embassy in Washington. I thought, well you haven't worked with me, so I ask what happens if they aren't clear. I have already figured out how the odds are stacked against me on things going right the first, and even the second time, and what if Washington doesn't accept them? He matter of factly states, "then you come back to Kiev and get them redone and start the process again." Now this is not the thing to say to someone who has just spent the last 12 hours in the back seat of a taxi with little sleep. I stood there looking at him with my mouth hanging open, but what I saw was me rushing over grabbing him under the lapels of his shirt with his feet dangling off the floor, my crazed face up against his saying something along the lines of, if you wish to see your next birthday you will get these right!! Oh don't worry, In reality I just looked at him and said, please get these right, with a smile that if you looked closely enough had just a little bit of a menancing tone to it :) Just kidding, I was nice, after all my fingerprints are in his control.

On my way out I saw a lady holding the most gorgeous little blonde DS girl of about 4 or 5. I asked her if she was adopting and she said she was the grandmother, her daughter had just adopted this little girl. I asked if it was through Reeces Rainbow and she said yes it was. I told her that is where we found our Lena. I got called up just about the time I was going to ask her name so we didn't go any further but it was such joy in my heart to have had that small connection.

I will tell you about my trip back on another post!

In Loving Memory

2009-07-22T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am back from my 26 hour train ride to Kiev. Through the night on the drive I was in touch with my mom as my brother was going into surgery. When I returned back at the apartment and finally fell into bed I was awakened with a phone call from my husband. The surgery did not go well my brother has an infection throughout his body and wasn't expected to make it through the night. I called the hosptial because I knew I would never make it home in time to say good-bye. I had my mom hold the phone to his ear so I could talk to him. We have not shared the same beliefs and I have always prayed for him. I won't go into details it was very hard for me to talk, but I mangaged to say I love you so much, Jesus loves you so much, please give your heart to him, and then I barely forced out a few whispered childhood endearments that we shared. How do you say goodbye to a loved one over the phone or otherwise? I can only hope he heard me and that he made his peace with our saviour and now rest in his arms.
I talked to him the night I left and he and my mom were coming at the end of summer to see us. My brother was going to come out with my mom for a few weeks to visit while she was taking care of the girls while we were gone. Then my mom had gotten sick so they couldn't travel. This is why our sons stepped up to watch the girls for us.
We decided I should not go home we need to bring Lena home as soon as possible this is what my mom wants us to do. My family is taking care of my mom and flying out to be with her now.
They are taking him off life support soon. Please pray for my family and the peace for me to get through this being so far from home.

God is in control

2009-07-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready to leave in the taxi. I feel much better then my last post. I have prayed through this and my wonderful friend and facilitator talked with me. She said, this is a hard delivery but look at the exceptional girl you are getting. She is extra special and God is in control of even these situations. She is so right and now I am refocused where I should be-on God. This blog has been wonderful therapy for me just to get it all out. So much emotion and it is so nice to be able to unwind here. Thanks to all of you for your comments and following I praise God for you. Rhonda

Very Discouraged

2009-07-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

Everything I have tried to do on this adoption has been fraught with delays and road blocks. I am sitting here right now trying to remain positive in the face of continuing difficulty. I just found out that the embassy will not accept my fingerprints even though we have the originals. I have to go to Kiev tonight because we can not delay one day, once again a 12 hour taxi trip, which we had to do only a few weeks ago. This ride through the night is no piece of cake.It is too late to catch a train or a plane and I need to be there tomorrow to get to the embassy. So another all night taxi ride to the embassy and turn around and 12 hours back. Then I have to wait another 10 days on top of the 10 day waiting period from court to get my fingerprints sent to Washington and get sent back here. Mark is working from the states to see if he can shorten this wait time for me. Bless his heart he just got in from leaving here and I had to wake him up this morning with this great news.
I got a call this morning that my brother is in intensive care with kidney problems. I believe I am under spirtiual attack and have been since we started this process. Please pray for patience for me, for my brother, and for me to not be discouraged. I am hot, tired and just plain worn out from the continual problems. I will not be posting for a few days until I return. I would covet your prayers. Rhonda

No more count down

2009-07-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

I am not counting the 10 days down anymore because we really don't seem to be sure when they will end. Our 10 days are supposed to end on a Saturday but I just found out that they won't end until Monday because of the weekend. Then the offices may be closed on Monday which means I still can't have Lena. She and I were counting down the days until yesterday and then we decided we just don't want to do it any more. It seems so far away! Our prayer now is that this region still has the old passport system because that and $600 will get us out in a day. If they have the new system it could take another 10 days. Sveta seems to think they still have the old system so please pray for us that they do.

The other wonderful family that has been here with us is getting ready to leave on Tuesday. It has been nice having them here and I will miss them. We were always at the orphanage together visiting our daughters. I think it will be really hard on Lena when the other girl leaves as they are friends. The good news is they live only 3 hours from us so we plan on visiting.

Lena has waited so long and every day she is more anxious to go. We were pretending yesterday to look around to make sure no one was watching and then she was pretending to jump in the trunk of the car so she could leave. She is the most affectionate and loving child. She looks at me with such adoration, lays her head on my shoulder and with the most contented smile says, "mama". Sveta says she loves watching us together and it tickles her when she sees Lena doing this because she does it with such happiness and possession "look everyone, I have my mama and she loves me." She will just sit and touch my arms and face then give me a kiss and squeeze me. As for me, I just adore her back and want to hug the stuffing out of her.

It is good that Mark will finally be home today and I am sure Brett will like the relief. He told me this morning that he and Julia, our 13 year old, had their first "fight" since we have been gone. She wanted to open a can of chili (they are eating so healthy I am sure) and he told her to wait until dinner. When he went to the other room she opened the can. Big brother was not too happy when he returned. He was so incensed "mom, I looked right at her and told her no and she defied me anyway". Welcome to parenting 101! Wait until he has a two year old. hee hee! I figure this is just good training. He said he told her off about not listening and she slammed off to her room. Julia if you are reading this you need to mind Brett! He ended the conversation by saying they are all made up now. Which I wasn't surprised they both like peace and harmony and don't like anyone mad at them.

I am off to the orphanage which has become an endurance test in withstanding the heat, the biting flies and mosquitoes, and watching many precious children who will probably never have a home roam around and around a broken down asphalt lot. Then leaving Lena for another day. Please pray for me because this is very difficult to do every day and it usually takes a few hours after we leave to work out of the funk I get in thinking about those kids.

DAY 3: Lena

2009-07-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

We pulled up in the parking lot of the orphanage today, and Lena did not act happy at all. She seemed very sad. I asked her what was the matter, and Sveta translated that she is very unhappy that she has to stay at the orphanage during this time. She is ready to begin her new life, and yet she is stuck in this hot, very hot building, and parking lot.

Can you say BOREDOM, there is nothing I have experienced that I can give you a comparison for how these kids spend their days. Think of the most boring day in your entire life, and then think of it happening every day of summer. Routine over and over again, nothing changes, everything is the same day after day. Even fun things would become boring after doing them the same every day. Can you imagine if there is nothing to do to start with?

Today I witnessed a girl of about 14 sitting with her grandmother. This little tiny woman with her scarf on, bent and walking with a limp. I wondered what fate in life has caused her to have to visit her granddaughter in an orphanage? How many tears has she cried because life handed her such hardships? How fine is the line between her and I?

Not all children in an orphanage are orphans, some of them can not be cared for by their families, and they have no choice but to put them here. One of the teachers handed the girl a phone, and suddenly she began to sob and scream. Apparently, she was hoping to see her mother for the weekend, but for reasons unknown she was denied the request. She bent over in her grandmothers lap, and just cried. I can't imagine my children wanting to see me, and not being able to be in my arms within a short period of time.

There is a boy here his name is Zhenya, and he has the greenest eyes and the sweetest disposition. Everyone loves him, from the teachers to our taxi driver. Any time his name comes up, everyone has three words, "very good boy." He helps clean up and he takes care of the younger children. He is not involved with the other boys so much, he seems to keep to himself, because sometimes the older boys will go out and smoke and carouse around the orphanage and he doesn't care to be a part of this behavior. Zhenya is 15, and I can't help thinking about him and his future. What lies beyond the orphanage walls for an orphan is worse than the life they have now. I am praying that a miracle can happen for this boy!

It is so hot and no air in our apartment. The chocolate that we bought today was melted before we opened it. I am now in a perpetual state of sweat, and it is amazing, but I am actually getting used to it. I grew up in the south a long time ago, and there was no air conditioning. This reminds me of hot summer days with a cold lemonade glass pressed against your breast to alleviate the heat. There is a song called "Summertime and the Living is Easy" if you go back a few years in our history when we didn't have air, and the katydid bugs and crickets sang a melodic song, and we chased lightening bugs through long hot summer nights, you may understand why this is really not all so painful for me.

Life can be wonderful and at times very painful. Right now God has allowed me time to revisit my past in a way I never would have volunteered for. No air conditioning? Are you crazy? Yet, I have time to listen to the sounds of the summer night through the open window, sounds that have long ceased to be in my existence, but have now been ressurected, a distant memory that is enjoyable, probably more so, because I know I can visit the memory and do not have to stay here. I am thankful for so much that he has given me and how far he has brought me and not because I have air conditioning now, but because somewhere in my life I didn't!

For all that I see, and all that moves my heart, even the sad parts, I come away touched and changed, and once again thank God, that he, our great creator, has given us such an opportunity as this. What a glorious experience to share this part of his world, and his creation. It gives me chills that not only can we share in it, but we actually get to take the best part home with us. What greater gift can man ask for, then to have God allow us a hand in the future of his children. To be entrusted with this, humbles me, and never ceases to amaze me, that we, who are made in his image, be allowed to help mold his children.

Count down DAY 2

2009-07-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

I am going to begin counting the 10 days down, not because I don't love Ukraine I do, but I miss my other kids and it is that much closer to Lena being truly ours, and we can bring her home to her new life.
I woke up this morning with Mark calling after he had just come from the Embassy. They informed him that Lena and I would not be allowed to leave the country until we had up-dated our finger prints. Now you folks that have been involved in this process know that you have been medically examined to death over the course of a year or so, and none of us could ever commit a crime because we have fingerprints done every time we turn around.

How could we not have up-dated fingerprints? Luckily for us we have a copy of our dossier, everyone should keep an extra, I can't recommend it strongly enough. So I went and looked and sure enough (thanks to my organized hubby) they were there in our dossier and were up-dated. Our embassy just couldn't find them. By the way, this has happened to other people as well so have copies of everything. Otherwise I was going to have to take a 16 hour train to Kiev to get fingerprinted, then they had to send it to Washington and it could take 10 or more days to get them back.

We were told to scan our copy or e-mail them, seems easy enough, right? Wrong, I am reminded all the time of how spoiled we are in the U.S. Sveta had a taxi driving us around town all afternoon to find some place that could do it. Then after we found a place we sent them, and now she is worried about the papers all getting there because scanning sometimes doesn't work. Since it is Friday we won't know until Monday whether everything got there OK, please pray for us on this one.

We consider ourselves to be culturally sensitive, and we try very hard to respect the fact that not everyone lives like we do, but sometimes I still manage to put my foot in it. I forgot my contact lens solution. No problem I will buy some here. I told Sveta what I needed and we went to about every store in town. No one had any, so I asked Sveta "how in the world do people clean their contacts? There must be solution somewhere!" Very gently she said, "Rhonda, people here do not wear contacts they are very expensive." I began to look around and noticed something I have never noticed in all my trips over here. You hardly ever see anyone in glasses, even the elderly people. You can see that many people are missing teeth, or have had very poor dental care, but poor eye sight is not something you would notice. We are so blessed by such abundance, we should be thanking God everytime we can go to the dentist or put on glasses and contacts.
I have tried to comment on some of your blogs that I follow but unfortunately I haven't figured out how to do it in English it prints out in Russian. I appreciate your comments.

Before, Between, COURT, and Beyond....

2009-07-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

We flew into Kiev on Monday. Sveta picked us up and we had 12 hours until we caught our plane to the region. She took us to lunch at a place that looked liked an oasis. The wait staff were all in traditional dress. It had a huge pond, and was ringed by gazebos and little cabins that were all different and done in Ukrainian decor. Each one had only one table, so you felt like you were in your own little world. Beautiful Ukrianian music drifted around the gorgeous flowers planted throughout the garden setting. I imagine there must be a place in heaven like this.

Unfortunately, we were completely exhausted so our enjoyment was short lived, because as soon as we ate we started to nod off. We had several hours before our flight, and we couldn't keep our eyes open. There were two swings large enough to lie in, so they brought out cushions and Mark and I fell alseep with the breeze gently blowing over our worn out bodies. Maybe, Sveta knew this is what we would need before the next part of our journey. She said, she was watching over her two American babies as they slept, and rocked in the swings :)

We went back to the airport and waited another 6 hours because our flight was delayed (surprise, surprise) Sveta has sworn I am carrying bad "delay" mojo when it comes to flying.

When we were on approach into the region, it was very late. I was emotionally drained and exhausted; we had been at this going on over 40 hours. As I looked out over the twinkling lights, I was thinking, here we are in the middle of the night almost on the border of Russia. Our children are all home going about daily business, and I suddenly felt doubt. These little thoughts that are nothing more than vapor, and have been silent and inconsequential on a regular day. They have no substance, until without notice ,they start to assault and began to take form.

I looked over, I couldn't tell Mark what I was thinking because I was afraid by giving voice to these things then it makes them more tangible. DOUBTS? What doubts? How could I possibly have doubts? This is what we have been working towards for over a year and a half, and we are almost to the summit.

It is much easier and nicer to share the positive, but honestly many people have doubts at one time or another along the way. I won't share the mundane details of mine, because in the end they don't matter, but lets suffice it to say they were rather ordinary in nature; relationships, resources, balancing acts, etc.

The plane touched down and I left the doubts behind. I knew that our destiny and Lena's had been intertwined from the beginning of time, and there is nothing more secure than knowing God was the master orchestrator of her becoming our child.

We arrived the next day at the orphanage and Lena came running at full speed, and threw herself into our arms with such sheer joy on her face. There were tears and hugs all around.

She is a beautiful, sweet, thoughtful girl. We had left her some money and she bought a gift for me. It was a bracelet, and so much thought had been put in to buying it, even her presentation was so endearing it brought tears to my eyes. Bracelets are my signature jewerly. I have had one on my wrist most everyday since high school. She presented this to me and I was so touched because she had noticed the fact that I wear them often. Like her, the bracelet was tasteful and very elegant. God, I love that child!

Yesterday was our court day. We arrived first, and soon after Lena came in wearing the pretty dress that Alesa had carefully and thoughtfully selected for her. We did not bring shoes I didn't have her size. She was in high heels and obviously not used to them, she got out of the taxi and tried to run for us as she always does, but realized she needed to concentrate on staying on her shoes, so she tottered towards us instead. Cute!

Lena was so nervous, she asked Sveta several times if there was any way they might say no to the adoption. Sveta kept assuring her that it would all be fine. She was not the only one who was nervous. When they asked Mark and I why we wanted to adopt her, and Mark gave a very moving answer, I was in tears, lots of sentimental tears during births and adoptions. As I gave my answer I could hardly get the words out I was so emotional . Lena was between us and she reached and took both of our hands and laid her head on my shoulder I think the judge, jury, and prosecutor could see that she was our child that we had finally found. One of the ladies on the jury was wiping her eyes. There were no more questions after that!

We went to the judges chambers and were served refreshments. Everyone was so nice and we enjoyed this time. Sveta has a way with people that makes them love her. The judge invited us to her country home this weekend.

We went and took care of paper work to apply for a passport, and then took ice cream, Snickers bars, and juice to the orphanage. Lena decided what she wanted served at her celebration party. She is a Snickers girl I knew I loved her, but Snickers really sealed the deal!

Mark left on the train today to return home and I am staying to wait out the 10 day period. Sveta made him sandwhiches for the train ride she spoils us so much. She is absolutely the best!

Sveta asked the orphanage director if we could have Lena during the 10 day wait, but the director said no. We will go visit her everyday.

There is a girl here she is 12 but looks to be about 8 or 9. I have seen a lot of kids at these orphanages but this little girl is a stand out. I would love to adopt her. The other orphanage kids told us she is really nice. In fact another family is here with their daughter who was adopted from this orphanage and she said Alona is "the perfect child". You can't get a stronger recommendation that that. I have pictures if anyone is interested in adopting her and we will find out this week if she is available. Honestly, she was out with a broken arm our first time there because if we had met her earlier I think she would have had to come home with us. :)

On the road again

2009-07-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

This was a song, but now it seems to be the story of our summer. We are once again packing up to leave, but this time we will come home with our Ukrainian treasure - Lena!

Lena called us yesterday - I love the phone communication between us, me; "Lena" very excited, her; "Mama" me; "I love and miss you" her; "I love you" then giggles and silence on both ends. So much for us to say and no words. Now that our kids here have all learned English, I forget this period of time of what we call the "caveman communication" - Hand gestures, but not much help over the phone, the Russian/English dictionary, also not much help over the phone. I can't even use my best form of communication when all else fails, a big hug or a touch. They seem to learn the language so quick that I forget the frustration and also the fun of communication in the beginning. I hand the phone to the girls and they chat to her like they are old friends.

For those of you who have learned some Russian to communicate with your child in the beginning, please don't be hard on me. I am terrible at languages, not that I haven't tried, but my kids have begged me to give up. Our first four pleaded with me not to sing. I would rock them when they were little and sing to them. My dreams of rocking and singing my babies to sleep came to an abrupt end when my three month old tried to make a fist and bop me in the mouth so I would stop the awful noise. Sort of the same story with the second set of kids, only this time it is language not song and they don't bop me, they just go into hysterics when I try my Russian on them.

This will be our last adoption which makes me sad, kind of like the last baby I knew I would ever nurse. We know it and we are ready for it, but sometimes the last of anything can make one a little teary eyed and since I cry over all my childrens' first times, last times, successes and failures this will be no different. Then we move on because we must and we enjoy the next stages as much as we enjoyed the last. My kids tell me that I always say, "this is my favorite age" - now it is a family joke because it seems that each age is my favorite age.

Now we begin the journey of a last stage only to return to begin a new one. Life is precious and exciting and I love this path God has set before us.

Sibling Connections

2009-07-08T02:40:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy since I have been home that I have neglected my blog. We are now getting ready to leave again so I need to do a quick update.

We have spent lots of time with our kids and it is obvious they missed us very much. We have decided that being gone did have its advantages because they bonded and taught each other things while we were away. Zhenya taught Alesa to play the guitar. Brett is teaching Julia to swim. Kyle our college son tried to teach everyone that it is OK to sleep until noon sometimes (one lesson we had to reteach). Seriously it is so heart warming to see how close they all became during our absence.

Our older kids have not been living at home since the girls arrived and haven't had much time with them so this was very special that they really got to know each other. Zhenya was here before everyone started leaving so we call him our bridge between the two sets of kids. Since our first 4 are no longer living at home getting them all together if it isn't a holiday is hard with school, work, distance etc. Mark and I feel like we are raising two families, our first, and then our second.

For any empty nesters out there I highly recommend the second family. You get to re-do it again and I actually think the wisdom you have gained from the first set is an advantage. We were strict with our first two children and they always remind us how the two younger ones got away with more than they did, and they are right!

Now that we are older and wiser we have reached a balance in parenting, at least that is what I am telling myself. I don't think you ever get it perfect but it sure is fun getting to do it again. For example, the wonderful day we spent with them bowling, eating hamburgers at the local greasy joint, and then going to the movies. The hugs and kisses, and having teens who think you are so awesome that a great day for them is spending time with their parents. You can't beat the pay back on that one. If we were empty nesting, as we would be if God hadn't given us other plans, we could be soaking it up in the Caribbean, at least that is what the brochures tell me empty nesters do. Instead we were jumping off the side of our friends boat over 4th of July into a giggling mass of kids. I will take the lake plunge any day over the other choice :)

I am so glad we were able to come home and spend this time with our children it has been priceless.

Brett missed us enough to come and visit several times even though he soon has to return as full time baby sitter. This time he won't have his brother helping because Kyle went back to college for the summer session. Zhenya will have to step up which won't be hard because he is such a great guy and he and Brett make a great team.

Lena called (we left her a phone) and thankfully Mark and I and the girls were all together when she called. Lena is so friendly that she just started chatting away to the girls. They told her they can't wait to meet her and gave details about some of the fun things they have planned when she arrives. It was a successful conversation even though our girls struggled a little with speaking to her in Russian, and then accidently reverting to English during the conversation, lots of giggles at the mistake, and then going back to Russian. Alesa is very quiet and Julia is very talkative so we think Lena will fall somewhere in the middle of the two. We are so excited to watch this new relationship develop, this phone call was the first contact, and it couldn't have been more perfect. It lasted quite a long time and seemed like they already knew each other.

Connections are being made between many hearts this summer. We give God all the glory!

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!

2009-06-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

We are thrilled because Sveta called and we have a July 15th court date. We will be heading back to Ukraine on July 12th so we can make sure we have an extra travel day in case something happens.

Praise God he is so faithful, even when we get discouraged with all the road blocks. I am jumping up and down and singing we can not wait to be reunited with Lena.

I have to tell you one quick thing (I know unusual for me to be short with words) I brought home a video for our other kids that I made of Lena and some of her friends. They were speaking Russian which I couldn't understand, but as soon as my girls saw it they told me that when Lena was filming her friends they were telling her "Lena we are so happy for you this is the dream you have always talked about. You finally have the family you always wanted. You have waited so long. Your mama and papa love you and you are getting to go to America. We will miss you so much but we are glad that you will have a better life."

Wow, it is gives me chills to think she has been waiting for us for so long. Her wait is almost at an end and we are so blessed and happy to be adding such a wonderful daughter to our family.

Praise God he brought us home safely!

2009-06-26T03:42:00.000-07:00

There is more to this title than you can imagine. Actually now that we are home I can laugh about our trip. Just another crazy memory on this adventure.

We decided we had to fly from the region we were in to Kiev in order to be able to connect to our flight to the U.S. because the train would have put us there too late for our flight.

Let me regress a little and tell you about our taxi driver which does tie in with our getting home. We had the greatest taxi driver named Genna taking care of us the whole time we were there. He knew everyone and everything about this town.

We were staying in a hotel which had started getting rather expensive. It didn't have a kitchen so we had to eat out more as well. Sveta had never done an adoption from this region so this was all new to her and she wasn't familiar with what was available for cheap lodging. The apartment that many families stayed in was booked already. We usually ate only one meal a day out, and on a side note everything we had was delicious. Sveta started looking for a cheaper place for us to stay when we return. Our wonderful taxi driver Genna told her he found us a place and did we want to go look at it? A way to save some money, we were very excited about looking at it.

It is hard to describe the apartment buildings in Ukraine where the majority of families live. They are huge cinder block buildings with many stories. In the states they would be described as poverty level residences. There are broken windows that have been boarded up and many are crumbling and in need of repair. They are not uniform, one level may look decent and the next not so much. They are Soviet era and nothing is spent on repair because most people are just trying to make enough to eat.

We drove up to one of these huge high rise buildings and Genna stopped and motioned us out. The sweetest lady came up to us and Sveta told us she has 6 kids and one adopted child. This is unusual in Ukraine both because she has so many kids and especially that one was adopted. They have small families, usually no more than one or two, and wonder why Americans want to adopt and many have large families.

She and another lady took us in this building and I have to say in all of our adoptions I have not ever been in any of these buildings even though they are everywhere. We started up flights of stairs and as we went I was looking and thinking, oh my, I don't know if we can stay here. Later I would realize God is always finding a way to humble us and I am so thankful for it.

As we wind our way up, there are broken windows on the landings and rusted wires running everywhere. I have about decided we can not stay here when we arrive at the apartment.

These two women were so proud when they took us inside. We found ourselves inside a spotless, very cozy apartment, but it was the apartment one of these women lives in! She said she would rent it to us for $150.00 a month! They are leaving and will let us stay there. They pointed out they don't have air conditioning but they internet and a computer. There is a very small clean kitchen and it has two bedrooms one for Mark and I and one for Sveta. We decided this would be a wonderful opportunity for us to live as the Ukrainians do and to get to know them and the culture of our children even better. We now view this as a blessing and I am really excited about it.

After we left we are going to drive the hour and a half to the airport to catch our flight to Kiev. On the way there the taxi starts having problems and we stop while the driver jumps out and fixes the taxi right there on the road. Then he stops to get gas but lets us out at this little rusted looking bomb shelter. He doesn't want us in the car because they use propane and I guess they worry about the car blowing up while they are gassing up. It is just amazing to me the way they take these inconveniences in stride.

We finally arrived at the small airport and got out. After we check in we look out and see our taxi driver pushing his car and trying to jump in it at the same time to start it. Mark goes out to help him. Mark pushes it and the driver jumped in and away he flew.

After waiting an hour we went through security check. It was so hot and the flies were landing all over us I couldn't wait to get on the plane. Then this man comes out and says the plane is leaving and isn't taking any of the passengers. Don't ask I have no idea. So it takes off empty no reason and no explanation. People were asking if there was going to be another flight because now it is 8pm. They went and got some lady to tell us in English what was going on. Then a man comes in and says no more flights tonight and maybe not one tomorrow. Now they just close up office and all these people are stranded and there was no concern from the airline about what any of us was going to do about getting out of there.

We had a flight to the U.S. in the morning and we couldn't miss it. Mark had to be back home because he has a test on Friday to renew his landing currency and if he missed that it means he can't fly which means we don't get a paycheck. So needless to say we were under major stress wondering if we could get a train or if we could even re-book our flight to the states the next day to get home by Friday. Mark had us going back a day early just in case of an emergency and here it was the emergency, good thinking on his part he doesn't trust the system we have seen too much to know anything can go wrong and it usually does. We tried gettinga train that would get us back in time for our flight but there weren't any.

We called Sveta and she called Genna our taxi driver. He said he would come get us and drive us to Kiev. Now folks we are talking a 9 hour taxi drive and we had just seen how well that taxi was running. Plus Genna was going to take an hour and a half getting back to to us and our plane left at 6:30 in the morning.

Sveta calls me back and says Genna was thinking he wouldn't be able to get us there in time. He contacted a friend of his in the town we are in and says he will drive us to Kiev because we can leave right then. Ten minutes later a car screeches in in a cloud of dust with a driver who hasn't even lost his baby fat. The car actually looked better than most of the taxis we had been in but the driver had me worried. I wanted to ask if he was old enough to have a drivers permit.

He flies out of the parking lot with us bouncing around inside like beans. I put my face in my pillow and prayed, dear God let me see my children again. I asked him if I could put on the seat belt and he says, "no work!" He grins and says, "do not worry" as we screech out.

Now some of you know what I mean when I say the driving is something else. They drive fast, very fast, they pass in any situation on bridges, curves and they honk horns all the time. They get a foot behind another vehicle and then pass sometimes with 3 cars in two lanes.

I think I went into petrified mode I was speechless and Mark kept saying, "honey just don't watch!" Then he shut his eyes and went to sleep. Now I am not a person who even likes taking aspirin but when I travel I do take these little benadryl pills to help you sleep. I really hadn't had to use them much, but at this point I popped two and thought about how many I could take to make me unconscious. I knew with definite certainly it was all in God's hands.

There we were in the middle of the night winging our way toward Kiev at speeds of 100 mph on roads that have more pot holes than smooth places. I looked over at one point and Mark's head was bouncing so hard on the seat back I wasn't sure it was still hooked to his neck. How he could sleep through this is unreal!

Suddenly it started pouring down rain the driver stopped because the windshield wipers weren't working so he tried to manually start them. When that didn't work he shook his head jumped back in the car and drove even faster so the rain would blow off the windshield and he could see better. I thought no one would believe this I can't believe it and I am living it!

We sped through the night and finally it started breaking dawn and I knew it was going to be tight for us to make our flight. About a half an hour from the airport the car started shaking and sputtering along with my husband who was about to lose it if we didn't make that flight. We actually slowed down to a normal speed and that was a relief, but then we were worried the car was going to die before we got there. We finally pulled into the airport at 6:05 for an international flight that was leaving at 6:30. We jumped out and ran as fast as we could to the counter. We were so out of breath we could barely speak and the lady says that flight gate has been closed. I looked at her with a wild eyed look, drool on my chin and hair sticking out at every angle and I think she saw that she was going to have major meltdown right before her eyes, she didn't know if I was going to faint or lose it. I screamed, "we have just been on a 9 hour taxi ride (wanted to add it was a taxi ride from you know where and we weren't going to be deterred by the fact the plane was leaving in 20 min) please, please, please, get us on that flight!!!" Well, that lady got on that phone and made a call and soon someone swooped in and literally ran us through security and the whole bit and they held the bus until we got on it to go out to the plane. One look at me and I think they just wanted to make sure I was out of their country.

Then we flew to Paris had several hours of layover and finally was on our way home. I had been in the same clothes for two days and I felt sorry for the people who had to sit by us on any of the flights. Mark and I parted company in Atlanta he had to fly to Memphis for his test and I came on home to Texas.

Our fabulous children met me and they had roses for me and the girls ran into my arms.

Life is good and now I need to take the girls to water color camp. Mom is home and as happy as the girls are, the boys are even more so. Brett went home last night to sleep in his own apartment. That is until he has to return when we begin our next adventure on our trip back to Ukraine.

Leaving Lena

2009-06-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

Let me catch you up on our leaving Ukraine. The last day was very difficult saying goodbye to Lena. We explained that we wouldn't get a court date until the middle of July or later and that Papa had to come home to work and Mama had to come back to be at home with the other children since it was going to be such a long time. We didn't mention our funds are limited and it was also cheaper to come home than to have me stay.

Several people have asked why so long until court? There really isn't a set answer, Ukraine doesn't give you reasons. It depends on the region, the judge, the case load and it can vary at any given time. Our facilitator has just been fantastic and if anyone could have gotten us a quicker court date it would be her, but it is just hard right now no matter how much effort was put in. The other family adopting from there, who have now become our good friends, are in the same situation.

Our dear and wonderful facilitator is so funny she says to Lena, "Mama and Papa are going to leave a suitcase here, so see they will be back." Wow! suitcase security! it doesn't get any better than that.

On a serious note, we left her our hearts and we have hers, there is her security, and I can't wait for the day we can bring her home.

The orphanage has set up two pools that sponsors have given them. One is a small pool and the other is a larger 4 foot pool. The ground under the pools are all rocky and broken so they have laid blankets underneath so it won't poke holes in the pool. The kids swim in shifts of about 10 minutes each and it amazes me how they stand on the hot pavement just waiting their turn for a short stint in the pool. No one complains when it is time to get out. About twenty kids get out and twenty kids get in, it works like a well oiled machine. At times the pool is wall to wall children splashing and playing and having a great time. With the happiness these kids exuded you would have thought they were at a resort.

The day we left the pools had been set up for about a week. The water was black and very warm from sitting in the sun. I can't even imagine what is brewing in there or what the bacteria count would be. We asked Lena to please not swim in the pool and she seemed OK with it because I don't think she liked the look of the water either. We told her we have lots of pools and lakes at home she will be able to swim in. She loves to swim and was very excited about that idea.

As I mentioned, we have gotten close to several of the children and as we got in the taxi to leave it all caught up with me and I just cried as they all gathered around to say goodbye. Lena was smiling and waving through her tears. As I looked back from the taxi window I realized she was sad because we were leaving, but smiling because she knows we will be back, her family has found her. Our hearts were really breaking for all the kids who are still waiting for the miracle of a Mama and Papa to come find them. You can see that hope on every precious face, maybe next time it will me.

It is a very emotional experience and I thank God we have had the privilege to do this, but it is definitely not easy at times. God has drawn Mark and I even closer through our adoptions and he has taught us patience to wait upon him and his timing, and all this shall come to pass. We would appreciate your prayers for protection for Lena and for this time to go fast.

Going home

2009-06-23T01:39:00.000-07:00

We will not get a court date until the middle of July. We have decided to use our air miles to go home to wait. We hate to leave Lena and we will have our facilitator explain that we will be coming back, but I know she will be upset because she has become very bonded with us in a short time and vice versa. We are leaving her our Ukrainian phone with lots of minutes so she can call us anytime. Yesterday we took her toiletries that she needed. She was so appreciative, and to think this is such a small thing that our other children have always taken for granted. I brought Lena some clothes and one of her friends from the states has sent her clothes. When we arrive at the orphanage she has taken so much care with her appearance and she is very meticulous with everything. This is not an easy thing to do in an orpahange situation. It is obvious that the clothes that have been given to her mean alot and she takes care of them.
We will be leaving here tomorrow to catch a plane home on Thursday. I am very excited to see our other children. They tell me the house is still standing so that is a relief. In all seriousness they have done a great job and we are proud of them. Brett got everyone out of bed really early on Fathers Day to take a picture to send to Mark.
We have gone to the orphanage each day. There are two little brothers in this orphanage that are 8 and 11 and are small for their ages. They are good athletes and the younger one is so smart. I am trying to see if they are registered and available. I have taken pictures when the care takers are not patrolling :) There is a 14 year old girl who is adorable,sweet and has the potential to be a stunning woman unfortunately she needs braces in the worst way. There are two sisters and they both have so much personality. I brought beads and they made the most stunning necklaces out of them. It is hard not to look at these children and think of the potential if they just had a family. I have to remember that God loves them more than we ever could and he knows their situation.
We have been staying in a hotel that has a nice place to eat. Last night they were celebrating a 50th birthday. They were dancing in a circle holding hands and having such a great time. I was invited to dance with them and it was so much fun. I love the music and the food has been excellent. I am not going to lose any weight as I have with our last adoptions.
The next time I post will hopefully be from home. Until then as they say in Russian "Dos va donya"

Waiting

2009-06-21T03:58:00.000-07:00

I am sorry it is so many days between the times I can post. Each region is so different. The last one we adopted from we walked everywhere, but here we have a taxi because we are not close to most things. We don't seem to be able to get to this internet place as often and when we do we have someone waiting on us.
We do not have a court date yet. We do not know when we will get one, hopefully we will find out Tuesday. The other family that we are here with still doesn't have their court date and they were here a week longer. They think they will get theirs the first or second week of July. If this is the case we may use Mark's air miles to return home. I miss our kids so much.
We have a routine down now, we go to the orphanage for several hours each day and we have been going back most evenings. Lena always runs at full speed into our arms when we arrive. She is just beautiful and really has a lot of self confidence which is not always the case with children who have been in the orphanages for many years. Lena has been here since she was in 1st grade. She is well loved by many and is a favorite with the teachers. They told us she has been longing for a family forever.
Yesterday Mark asked if we could skip a day, he has gotten so close to some of the kids and he is having a very hard time at night when we return to our hotel we are so depressed. He said he needs a day away from seeing it. I don't think I have ever seen my husband this sad for all these darling children. We have adopted before but this time is the hardest because there are so many young ones and they seem to really want/need our attention. It is summer and they are not in school they just hang in this parking lot. The teachers have them planting flowers around this broken down asphalt court, which just goes to show it is human nature to find beauty in the most unlikely of places. The kids carry these heavy buckets quite a distance with two children to a bucket to water these little plants. It is so moving to see a 9 year old mothering a 5 year old they really seem to take care of each other. They have had so much pain and yet they are so tender with animals, plants and each other. I am sure there are times when they must quarrel with each other but we have not seen it.
These teachers are incredible, they teach music and art without all the materials we would have in the states. I went to watch the girls learning a beautiful Ukrainian dance today. This is the joy they find in this horrible situation they live in. They danced with such abandon it took my breath away. Any one of these girls would make wonderful daughters and have so much potential.Unless you have seen this I guess I could write chapters and it still could not describe it.
I dance with the girls and Mark plays hours of ball with the boys. The kids have told our facilitator that Lena's parents are "cluss" which means cool in Russian so I guess we passed the peer test :) Although there was one girl who looked at Lena's photo album and said something very mean to her Lena closed it and told her to leave. Someone else said she was just jealous of her. I felt sorry for the girl, she was only mean because she wants a family too.
I have taken pictures, but I have to be careful there is a new rule here that you are not to take any pictures of the children. We have gotten other children homes through pictures I have taken at the orphanages we adopted from and it would be wonderful if the same could happen this time. If a mom of Lena's good friend hadn't taken her picture and told her story we would not be here now (thank you S.)
I will post pictures of Lena as soon as I can but right now I have been advised to wait.
Thanks for all your comments and I will relay the messages to Lena.
S. if you send me your phone number to my e-mail I can have Lena give K a call if that is OK.
Also, thanks to those of you who have commented and have walked this road and know how difficult this can be. Last but not least many thanks to our dear friends who have always supported us so much.

Meeting the lovely Lena

2009-06-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

We arrived yesterday and had to do the paperwork chase and then we went to the orphanage. We were so excited! How do feel when you know you will meet your child for the first time? Like when they laid our bio children in our arms, it is an unbelievable feeling when you meet your child and begin the process of marveling over them and getting to know them.
The director had told her the night before that a family was coming who might want to adopt her so she was expecting us. They finally ushered in this absolutely adorable and precious girl. We got up and met her halfway coming in the room and we hugged her. I am crying while I tell you about this meeting. She was beaming from ear to ear. She is very pretty, wholesome, and so poised and self confident. We spent the day with her and we bonded very quickly.
When we came back in the afternoon she came running down the path and threw herself into our arms with the biggest smile. We gave her the photo album that the girls and I had made for her showing our family, her new home and her old friends. She was so delighted, and in it I had put pictures I printed from the computer of her friends in America who had been adopted. That would be E, K ,M(A) and she was so thrilled. Today she took us to the music room and she played the piano which she does beautifully and sang for us. She is an incredible young lady. Lena is everything we heard and more. She is well loved by the other children and our facilitator said she is so kind and has a sweet heart. She is nice to all the children even the ones who are younger. She shared everything we gave her with the others and would pull in the ones who were shy and standing in the back to make sure they got something too.
Later she came and sat between her Dad and I and she laid her head on my shoulder and started crying and kept hugging me so tight. I thought maybe she was sad that she was leaving, so later I asked our facilitator to ask her why she was crying. Sveta talked to her and said, she was crying because she was so happy to finally have a family of her own. She kept showing everyone her album and saying my papa is a pelot (pilot) and mama a teacher and my brothers and sisters and my home. Does it get any better than this, and people think we are so wonderful for what we are doing. No, this is so selfish because we love the feeling of being able to give such a deserving child a family and a future.
I never have the words to express the orphanage children. We have spent so much time playing with them and every night we go back to the apartment and cry for them. Such beautiful children with no family. They wander around a pitted asphalt area. The teachers are wonderful they are so kind and try to do so much on so little. I brought two suitcases loaded with games, hair clips, paints, and so much more. Tonight Mark played for two hours with the football I brought. That was very new to them and he showed them how to play the game. Quite funny when there is no common language, but amazing how that barrier can be overcome. It brought tears to my eyes to see these boys of all ages just loving the attention and how they hung on everything he said or did. In the meantime I brought big bubble makers and we had them running and jumping, blowing and catching bubbles. Then I brought all kinds of earrings, lip gloss, and nail polish so I spent the evening doing manicures with the girls. We also made paper cranes and they were so incredibly patient. I teach paper crane making to my 6th grade class and my students are not nearly so patient.
They have so little it is heart breaking. I see them running around in the plastic shoes and half of the bottom will be missing so only the heel will be covered and the toes will be on the pavment. This is an extremely poor orphanage. There is one little girl who is 8 and she looks to be about 5 she followed me everywhere, but kept her distance, she is extremely shy. I would talk to her and she would not make eye contact so I just kept trying. I finally won her confidence and now she stays by me the whole time. She is really a stand out in many ways I would love to see her get a home. Everywhere you go they just want two seconds of your time to show a drawing they have done or to hope you will speak to them. I had two little girls about 7 bring me a drawing today that had both their names on it and had mama and papa written over their names. I told Mark this is always the part that is the hardest to bear the ones we know we are leaving behind. They are forever etched in your hearts and your memory.
There is so much more to tell but I must close for now.

SDA appointment

2009-06-16T05:23:00.000-07:00

We had our appointment yesterday and it all went well. The lady who saw us was very nice. I was surprised she did not ask us one question. She showed us Lena's picture and told us that her file said she is a very nice girl, likes to sing and can play the piano, and really wants a family very badly.
We did not get the papers to travel yesterday we are waiting for it today. The director has to sign off on it. We hope to have it in hand at 5:00 and then we head to the region.
I will probably not be able to post for a day or two. The next time I do it will be after we have met Lena. Please pray all goes well we really need to get a court date quickly as Mark has to be back at work.

Mark is on his way!

2009-06-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

My time here in Kiev has been a nice break from the very busy and full life I lead at home. I am missing my husband and my children. The good news is I will see Mark tomorrow. It is still such a long way to go before I can see my children again. I called home yesterday and the girls sounded so sad because they miss me and it broke my heart. We are very close and we do so much together. We cook together and it is so much fun. Julia loves to do the meat and Alesa does fantastic salads, she make a Ukrainian salad that is so yummy. I do the vegetables and just generally supervise and teach the girls the how to do it part. We were discussing where Lena might want to help or even take charge of a part of the meal. This is our "girl" sharing time and we enjoy it.
Kyle gave me a compliment yesterday I have always wanted to hear, "Mom I have a new appreciation for all that you and Dad do. I never realized how much work you two put into our family. Just keeping up with the schedule is a full time job." Those words were music to my ears.
They are doing such a good job. Brett is taking on the daddy role he told Julia he is going to sign her up for a reading camp at the library because he wants her to improve her reading. This warmed my heart.
My days are pretty much routine now. The only bad part is I am still on Texas time. I stay up all night reading or watching DVDs. About 7 in the morning I fall asleep and sleep until 3. I know when things start moving here I will be forced to adjust. I walk around the city, come to the internet place for a computer. I stop by my little restaurant for my one meal of the day. The sweet waitress knows me well now. I absoutely love the food it tastes so homemade. I have enjoyed everything, but something called Varenky, it is a dough with mashed potatoes in the middle and it is boiled. I know Zhenya and the girls love Varenky we had a Russian friend come to our house one day to teach us how to make it. Those were made with meat and were good I can't say the potato was too enjoyable for me.
Kiev is a city of contrasts it is so beautiful and they have some of the prettiest buildings I have seen anywhere in my travels. The stores would rival any in New York. Then it is heartbreaking for me to see the poverty. They have been hit hard by the economy situation. It is the old women and the orphans that I can hardly bear to think about. I walked today past an old woman who was begging and one of her arms was missing. I put some money in her pot but I know that will only help for today. There is a young mother with a face of hopelessness holding her baby in one arm and a cup in the other. I see the bent old woman collecting bottles from the garbage cans carrying bags so heavy that I don't know how her frail frame can hold the extra weight. I wish I could make their lives better but all I can do is drop in some money and then ask God to bring a special blessing on them in some way.
Tomorrow Mark arrives at noon. We are hoping the SDA will see us in the afternoon or Tuesday morning. We have tickets to leave for the orphanage Tuesday afternoon. We ask for prayers that this process goes quickly and smoothly.
Thank you for your comments I really appreciate hearing from you. It is nice to know I have connections to all my friends and even those of you I do not know in person. Thank you for your encouragement.
I will let you know if we get an appointment tomorrow.

From the Heart

2009-06-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

I am going to take the time to answer a few questions we have received over the years about our adoptions. These questions and statements include the following. "Why are you adopting from another country? Why don't you get younger children you won't have as much time with the older ones? Why so many when you have 4 of your own?" Then there are the statements such as, "Are you all are crazy. Wow! those are some lucky kids. You all are saints. You deserve a medal. I could never do what you are doing."
To be honest this wasn't something that we sat around and planned. I believe our gifts are planted in us from the beginning. A little girl who knew from an early age she would take care of the hurting and those in need. A little boy who had a sensitive heart to those that didn't have as much. God gives us all different gifts and it is in his timing that these will be brought to light. For some this will be when they are small and for others when they are older. We just have to listen to see how it will play out in our lives and the lives of others.
We did not choose when and where to adopt from. God decided this for us. In God's eyes children and love have no boundries, all of us are his children, he doesn't differeniate between countries, laws, and man made rules.
We were raising 4 wonderful biological children and we felt our nest was full. We had never considered adoption. Then we read an article in our town newspaper about a 12 year old orphan boy from Russia who had visited for the summer. He wanted a family, but no one had come forward, so he would be returning to Russia to live. We found out he would have a very dismal life and almost no hope for a happy future.
The seed that had been planted in us began that day to take root. We asked, Lord do you want us to pursue this adoption? We were open to what God had in store but little did we realize the multiple blessings he would bestow on us. We received our answer, and so began our journey.
We started with Zhenya then age 12. We found out the older they are the less chance they have of being adopted. We have a heart for teens. I want to make sure you know we are not saints, we are everyday people. We are not a perfect family. We have not been perfect parents. We have made mistakes. The kids don't arrive here and fit in perfectly, but neither did our bio children. Each new arrival has an adjustment period for everyone. Honestly, our bio kids don't jump up and down with happiness when we say we are going to adopt another one. Wow, more kids to share mom and dad and resources with, what a great idea! The ones that are newly adopted are not over joyed either, even though they know the future for the kids that remain behind. We talk a lot we work through the feelings and the emotions and in the end we tell them this is not a path of choice, but of destiny, the one God has chosen for us. Each time we watch as they work through this and then accept, love, bond and become family, and we are proud that they have expanded their hearts once again to include others. Now they can't imagine what it would be like without each other as part of our family. We watch each time as they learn to play, tease, take care of each other and love each other so much. I do not believe God has given us limits on our capacity to love and we are better people when we are forced to be stretched beyond our comfort zone.
Are we crazy? That depends on your definition of crazy. Our house can be crazy at any given moment. Mark and I are still crazy in love after 25 years of marriage. We are crazy about 7 children who live in our hearts. The one thing we do know is that crazy does not apply to our decision to bring 7 soon to be 8 children to our home.
Are these kids lucky we saved them as many imply? No, Mark and I are the lucky/blessed ones. We want to give medals to our children. Some of the medals go to our bio children Brett, Kenna, Kyle and Ryan who have in the end supported our decisions and honored and respected what God has called us to do. Medals go to our oldest three during this trip when all of the responsibilty falls on their young shoulders and they are doing an incredible job.You know how you raise them but when they step up to the plate it makes your heart swell with pride and thankfulness.
Medals go to our 3 adopted children. Zhenya who came first and had to pave the way. No one to translate for him. A new strange and foreign environment giving up all he knew to begin a new life in an unknown world. Overcoming a past to start a future. Now a straight A student, football player, a mentor to less fortunate children. Loved by his parents, siblings and all who meet him.
A medal to our precious Alesa, our 15 year old, the quiet presence who prayed for years for a family. She had almost given up when we arrived. Everyday in more ways than I can name she quietly expresses her joy and happiness at being part of our family. She has added so much to our family. She makes great grades and is in the National Junior Honor Society. She is her moms amazing helper.
Another medal to Julia who is 12, our "lightening bug" with dimples. After what she has experienced in her short life how can she be so cheerful all the time. She makes us smile with her happy loving disposition. She writes the most loving notes telling us of her love for us.
These children have lived through things that would have made others bitter and angry but they have overcome these challenges with fight, grace and love. Our children are our heroes!
God lets us know that he can use imperfect people to bring about his perfect plans. Thank you God for allowing us the privilege of sharing in this journey with you.

Helpful hints for those who will be traveling.

2009-06-12T06:38:00.000-07:00

Well, since I have time I am going to start giving tips on what has helped us on these trips to Ukraine. I will keep trying to update it as we go along. For those of you who don't need this information you can skip this post :) I just know how much other people helped me by posting things that would be good to bring along.
Things I found to be very useful:
A small flashlight (I used this on the plane several times and also at the apt to find the light switches in the dark)
DVD player I borrowed lots of DVDs and season series the ones I never have time to watch at home (I love having this especially on nights I can't sleep)
bungee cords or some kind of line to dry your hand washed clothes
Hand sanitizer and wipes
A transformer
scissors
bath towel (all the towels are quite small)
bandaids ( they do have these here but sometimes a store is not always available right after you arrive)
A notebook and pens
Plastic baggies gallon and quart size (I have used these for everything)
I bought a phone after I got here it was about $60 I can even call my family you buy a sim card that goes in it and you can call anywhere. The cards are not too expensive.
There is more and I will let you know as I need them and I am either glad I brought it or wish I had.

Kiev

2009-06-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

Finally getting some time on the computer and I don't have to rush. In fact time is all I have right now. It has taken me awhile to get over jet lag this trip. My days are my nights and vice versa. I am thankful I brought lots of reading material and DVD's. I have never had a DVD player before and it was a last minute splurge before I left but it has definitely been a life saver.
I have spent a lot of time walking around Kiev. I do love this city it is so beautiful. The buildings are each different, the architecture has such ornate detail. I enjoy the sights and sounds that are so unique to this part of the world. The women here are beautiful and they really enjoy being girls. A hint of lace here or a ruffle there adorns the clothing in a way that we do not have in America. I am sure I stick out in my capri jeans. They walk around in high heels that are stilts. I don't know how they do it since it is dangerous if you are not looking down as you walk. There are pot holes and broken bricks on every side walk.
I have found some good places to eat with wonderful food. It is so neat the wait staff wears what looks to be traditional Ukrainian clothing. Yesterday Sveta and I sat at a sidewalk cafe and enjoyed the warm weather, the music, and all the sights.
I never have time at home to slow down. As much as I would like to have you feel sorry for me being all alone here, the truth is, I am really doing fine. It will get long at some point and I do miss my family, but I have also had those quiet moments to reflect and spend time with God. This is always a positive. Sleeping late is really nice, washing clothes by hand not much fun. I thank God everyday that I am here and soon to meet Lena.
Mark arrives on Monday morning and hopefully the SDA will see us that day. We have tickets to leave Tuesday to go to the region.
I will let you know how it goes please pray that they see us Monday.

Made it to the SDA appointment

2009-06-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

After 40 of hours of almost no sleep I made it to Kiev late last night. It was quite an experience and please forgive my last post, at that point I was bleary eyed and drooling. Also, the internet was very expensive in London and I was trying to hurry before my time ran out. We found out there was an oil leak in the main engine and we couldn't make it to Kiev on one engine. I explained to the fight attendant that I had this very important appointment that I couldn't miss. I was only asking her about finding another flight, not that I expected us to continue on, and she laughed and said "well it was land in London or the ocean floor." Landing was definitely a good idea! I really wish I could have spent the night in London I lived there for 5 years, It is where I met my husband and my first child was born there.
God was so awesome because there was another couple on the flight from Florida who are adopting 14 and 16 year old girls. They have 3 older boys. Their appointment was an hour after ours at the SDA. We had to take the longest way to get here but I didn't care what it took as long as I was at the SDA office at 9 this morning.
When I arrived my facilitator who is wonderful and also a dear friend greeted me with an arm full of roses. She is fantastic if you are thinking of adopting I can highly recommend her. She is a warm fuzzy, very well connected and liked and just takes such good care of us.
What I didn't want to share until after our SDA appointment was that I had to come to the SDA appointment alone. A few days before we were to leave my husband was unable to fly. We made the decision for me to go on without him and at least show the SDA that I was there. We were afraid if we cancelled and asked for another date that it could delay it for up to months. The best expectation was that they would give me the referal without him, worst was they would send me home and tell me to get back in line for months which is what would have happened if we had to reschedule. We hoped for anything in between. They were actually understanding during our meeting but did not show me the file. They told Sveta, my facilitator, that they would give us an appointment as soon as Mark arrives which will be Monday morning at 9 so we are hoping to have an appointment that afternoon and catch a train out the same day or the next day.
I have another family here with me that live in Houston and are adopting a 14 year old girl from the same orphanage that we are going to be adopting from. Their daughter knows Lena well and is friends with her. They brought their daughter with them and she is translating a lot for us. We got together today and we went to a great place to eat. It is so nice that I have these families with me it has made being here alone much easier and more fun. My only regret is that I could not have my wonderful daughters with me they would have loved it. I have much to tell you and I so wish that I was a writer so I could make Ukraine come alive for you. I am already envious of those of you are coming when I will be gone. I love Ukraine in a way that has no words.
My time is growing short I need to go but I will try and post tomorrow when there is more time.

Why we called it an adventure

2009-06-08T05:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I bet you thought I would be posting from Kiev by now. There is a reason I titled this an adventure. I was rudely awakened on the plane last night with someone tapping on my shoulder saying "put your seats upright we are diverting into London the plane is experiencing electrical problems." I don't have much time but I wanted to let you know that while the rest of the plane's passengers are being put up in a hotel another family whose SDA appointment is tomorrow well we had to run and find another flight to get us to Ukraine by tomorrow. The SDA is unforgiving in most matters and the fact that we missed our flight becasue we are in another country due to an emergency stop will not matter to them. So we are spending the day in the airport and spending 7 hours on another flight to get to Kiev by tonight to make tomorrows appointment. This part of the adventure I could have done without. I am tired stinky and worried about that all impootant 9:00 apt.

The laundry fairy is missing!

2009-06-06T05:28:00.000-07:00

There are two important ways that we survive in a house full of teenagers. We seek God's guidance and we absolutely have to have a sense of humor.

Right now I am starting to get stressed about leaving our home and children. Even though our 24 year old is now an adult and is leaving his own apartment to come home to help out I still laid awake last night and thought of leaving our kids and of the upcoming trip and the unknown. The unknown are all the roadblocks and land mines between us and Lena. I know we will survive them and that God and our fabulous facilitator will get us through, but as those of you who have adopted know, this trip is not for the timid. If you like adventure, then come along, ours starts bright and early tomorrow morning.

After a restless night I got up this morning to go do my laundry. In our house everyone, including hubby, does their own laundry and everyone is assigned a day. You guessed it mine is Saturday. We have in our laundry room a fairy who flies over the washing machine and dryer. She flies there until some person needs an extra hand with laundry because they have a lot of clothes that week or the clothes are still in the dryer when someone comes in to do theirs. Then the laundry fairy goes to work and when the basket is nicely folded it gets left and the laundry fairy is always put on top. I have been the recipient of the laundry fairy many times myself. She always goes back to her flying spot after the person comes to claim their clothes.

Today she is missing! This has never happened! I think she looked around and envisioned the stacks of clothes that may pile up to the ceiling while we are gone and decided to fly the coop.

She knows without head mama here moving them along things may get a little slack. Then again maybe the laundry fairy has figured out what I haven't, that we have trained them so well that they can do it without us.

Isn't that our job to give them wings? Now I need to fly out after the laundry fairy secure in the knowledge that we have taught them well and our home will still be standing and clean when we return.

Bon voyage-next stop Ukraine!

Overwhelmed

2009-06-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

So much to do before we leave. Sitting here with open suitcases and "stuff" everywhere. Lists of things that need to be crossed off. That part can be managed eventually. The hardest part right now is the girls. They are extremely attached and they are struggling with the imminent departure. Abandonment issues are in play, I can see it in their actions. They logically know we will return but memories from a past life have begun bringing up sad feelings.

Zhenya is fine he is playing football, hanging with friends, working and studying to take his SAT and ACT while we are gone. Never thought that attachment would ever happen, but it has in a huge way and he is such a sweetie. He has grown so confident and truly blossomed these last 4 years.

Kenna is busy getting settled in at her new apartment at Texas State and working all the time. She told the girls they could come to her apartment on her day off, they are really excited about it.

Bartering has already began around here. Julia asked Kyle to take her to Six Flags while we are gone. Kyle, kiddingly asked her what would she give him in return and she told him a foot massage. Our family is really into trading services, especially the foot massages, this started many years ago with me when I was pregnant with child number 4. It has since become a family tradition. I taught them Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, but Jesus did his as an act of service. Unfortunately, the service part has been lost now they use it as a bartering tool. She gave him the foot massage, and then informed him if he didn't pay up she was going to shave all the hair off of his legs while he was sleeping. The sad part is she probably could and he wouldn't even know it until he woke up. Kids don't ya love em!

I think in many ways this will be a special time of bonding for them and maybe our leaving will knit all of them even closer. I can already see it happening.

Then again after all the plans I hear them making we may become dispensable.

Mom and Dad who?

Getting ready

2009-06-04T05:09:00.000-07:00

After a year and a half of the paperwork chase and fundraising it hardly seems possible that we will soon be returning to Ukraine, the birthplace of two of our beloved daughters Alesa 15 and Julia 12. Have we really been home two years from our last trip? It has been 4 years since we brought our then 13 year old son Zhenya home from Russia. Time has flown by so fast.

Our appointment date is June 9th. We have been packing and trying to tie up all the loose ends. Leaving home for anywhere from five to seven weeks is never easy. Luckily for us our older children will be able to hold down the fort. Our 24 and 20 year old sons will get a taste of the responsibility of running a household. They are very protective of their younger siblings so we know they will be in good hands. Our oldest, Brett, was even giving me the third degree on the camp I signed the girls up for while we were gone. I remember when he used to tell me I worried too much when he went to camp "mom I will be fine" now look how the tables have turned. It is so fun to see them mature into adults.

God will be watching over everyone and everything while we are away so I am at peace with this part of our trip.

We are praying for Lena whom we have not yet met. We feel like we know about her from talking to several families who have been to Ukraine and adopted from her orphanage. There is also a fantastic website called www.Reecesrainbow.org who helps Downs Syndrome and other special children find homes. This is where we were first introduced to Lena. She is a beautiful, bright, talented 15 year old girl who was getting close to aging out of the system and wanted a family so badly. God called us to be that family.

So begins the start of our journey to Lena.